Reinventing the Blog Phase Two: The Loquacious Librarian and the Reviews of DOOM

Let me start off by saying this:  naming things is hard, y'all!

Seriously, if my new review-centered blog is still named The Loquacious Librarian and the Reviews of DOOM within a few months, I will be amazed.  But, I've already delayed rolling it out longer than I wanted because I've been struggling with the naming, so I finally bit the bullet and went with my most recent bit of "inspiration."

But I digress . . .

As you may have gathered, I have decided to go ahead and do a separate blog devoted solely to my reviews of literature, cinema, theater, etc.  Which means no more Movie Mondays or TV Tuesdays here at CoIM.  A moment of silence please.
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Okay, now that that's over, head on over to The Loquacious Librarian and the Reviews of DOOM to find out a bit more about changes to my rambling review structure.

Movie Mon. - "Well Played, Kable."

Only one review today, my blog monkeys; I'll try to pick up the pace next week.

Gamer: a sci-fi action flick starring Gerard Butler as Kable, a death row inmate who gets drafted into participating in a game that could allow him to win his freedom by being a living avatar controlled by a teenager playing in a flesh-and-blood video game. At times quite predictable, but for me it was worth watching just for a handful of surprising (and sometimes surreal) scenes, including a cameo by Milo "Peter Petrelli" Ventimiglia as a pervy character named "Rick Rapist" and a bizarre song-and-dance number by Michael C. "Dexter Morgan" Hall. As a mater of fact, most of the scenes I enjoyed in the film were ones featuring Hall as the eccentric genius responsible for the technology used in the game. Not a great movie by any stretch, and the ending felt forced and inorganic -- especially the horrendous "Well played, Kable," line -- but on the whole, I enjoyed it for its bursts of randomness if nothing else.

Movie Mon. - Six Degrees of Star Trek

Considering that I haven't done a Movie Monday post since last June, odds are good that there are plenty of films I could talk about; heck, I watched at least a dozen films while I was at my parents' house over Christmas break. As usual, I tried to introduce my folks to a few films that I figured they probably wouldn't watch on their own -- Tropic Thunder, Watchmen, Dr. Horrible, etc. One thing that really stood out to me during the break was how many people from the recent film Star Trek film popped up in other movies we watched over the break. Chris Pine (Kirk) played a massive jerk in a B-grade horror film called Carriers; Zoe Saldana (Uhura) was in a different B-grade horror flick, The Skeptic, as well as the big budget 3-D extravaganza Avatar; Anton Yelchin (Chekov) turned out to be a young Kyle Reese in Terminator: Salvation; Eric Bana (Nero) turned up as Adam Sandler's romantic competition in Funny People; and Chris Hemosworth (Kirk's dad) was pretty much unrecognizable as a possibly sociopathic hitchhiker in the highly entertaining A Perfect Getaway.

My point? Don't really have one; just probably won't have time to do real reviews this week, and needed something to post to keep my new blogging commitment fulfilled.

Speaking of the reviews, do any of you blog monkeys have any thoughts on them? Would you rather I keep doing the pellet reviews of everything I see, or do more in-depth thoughts on films that really affected me one way or another? I figured after such a long blogging hiatus, I might as well examine my format a bit.

Movie Mon. - Drag Me to FUN!

Just a handful of reviews, to keep the blogging momentum rolling

The Burrowers: Entertaining horror-Western about a rescue party who sets out to save some missing settlers from Indians, only to discover that the settlers were taken by something far more dangerous. Solid script is enhanced by a talented cast (including two of my favorite character actors, Clancy Brown and Doug Hutchison) and the novelty of the monsters and their m.o. Recommended for horror fans.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop: Kevin James stars as an over-weight mall security officer who takes it upon himself to pull a John McClane when the mall is taken over by a band of crooks who take the girl of his dreams hostage. Not one I was looking forward to seeing -- the commercials did absolutely nothing for me -- but had heard enough positive word of mouth that I decided to give it a try. Not one I'm going to be watching again any time soon, and it had a few "Oh, come on!" moments that made me cringe, but over all, better than I had been expecting.

Defiance: Historical drama about the Bielskis, a group of Jewish brothers (played by Jamie Bell, Liev Schreiber, and Daniel Craig) who banded together to protect a community of Jewish refuges in the forests of Russia during WWII. Liked this one; interesting look at a facet of the war that I had never really heard about before.

Darkon: Documentary about a community of Live Action Role Players (or LARPers) who take part in the shared world known as Darkon



Some people will watch this and spend their whole time laughing at the dork in chainmail with padded swords; I confess to doing that a bit, but mainly aimed at those who take it so danged seriously that they can't separate relationships between characters in the game from relationships with the people playing the characters in real life. At the same time, the film shows multiple people who have used the game of Darkon as a way of improving their social skills in a way that benefits them in the real world, and it's much harder to laugh this hobby off when taken in that light. Either way, a fascinating film.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons: Excellent film about a strange boy who was born an old man, and ages backwards . . . kind of like Mearth from Mork and Mindy only a bit more attractive to the lady folk. Great writing, great directing, great performances; an off-beat movie, but one that I think can still hold great appeal to more mainstream audiences.

Drag Me to Hell!: A return to the horror genre from Evil Dead creator Sam Raimi filled with the sort of horror-comedy moments that made him a bit of a cult figure in the first place, DMtH is the story of a young bank loan officer who is stricken with a terrible curse which will doom her soul to hell. Saw this one with Li'l Brother, and we both loved it; at one point early on, he leaned over to me and whispered "Are we the only ones laughing?" And, for the most part, I think we were, and nearly falling out of our seats while doing so; guess not everyone appreciates a good old-fashioned horror-comedy romp these days. So, not for everyone by a long shot, but if you're a fan of Raimi's early work, you should definitely give this a try.

Okay, that's it for now; I'll try to catch up on some other reviews next time around.

Movie Mon. - Please Deliver Us From Obnoxious Children

Dark Matter: Well done, if bleak, drama (loosely based on a true story) about a Chinese doctoral student in cosmology whose joy over getting to come to the states to study under his idol (Aidan Quinn) turns into disillusionment and depression after he runs afoul of university politics. Interesting, although quite a downer in the last act.

Splinter: Enjoyable horror movie about a young couple whose camping trip starts off bad, turns worse after being taken hostage by a couple of felons, and then goes completely off the rails when they are trapped in a gas station by a deadly creature. Liked this one quite a bit; a fairly original creature, which was nice, plus some interesting tweaking of the usual horror character tropes. Plus, I only really had one "Oh, come on!" moment through the whole film, which is a refreshing change these days.

Slumdog Millionaire: Oscar winning drama about a young man who becomes a contestant on the Indian version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire and attracts police attention because of how well he does despite his humble beginnings. An enjoyable film, although I wish I'd seen it before all of the hype and awards had piled up; with such heightened expectations it was hard not to have a bit of a "That's it?" feeling by the end. To be clear: yes, I liked it, but was not blown away by it.

Bedtimes Story: Sub-par family comedy about a man who discovers that the bedtime stories he tells his young niece and nephew are starting to come true. This one got on my nerves something fierce; I had a few minor chuckles here and there, but overall, something about it rubbed me the wrong way.

Twilight: Adaptation of the incredibly popular teen vampire romance novels about a high school girl who moves to a new town and becomes involved with another student who turns out to be a vampire. Don't really have a lot to say about this one; I've seen better, and I've seen worse. Although, I do have to say that if Edward telling Bella "You're like heroin to me" is what passes for romance in this day and age . . . yikes.

Dead Like Me: Life After Death: Straight to DVD movie continuing the story of Georgia Lass and her fellow grim reapers, although minus group leader Rube, whose absence and replacement by a new reaper (Lost's Henry Ian Cusik) is the driving force of the plot. I was a pretty big fan of the TV series, but didn't really care for the movie, especially the new actress playing Daisy; she just did not fit the character at all.

Special: Off-beat film about a depressive meter maid (Michael Rapaport) who signs up for an experimental drug trial which causes him to believe that he has super-powers; his natural inclination is to become a super-hero, of course.

Some excellent ideas present here, but the overall execution is a bit lacking. Liked it, but not as much as I'd hoped from the trailer.

Timecrimes: Enjoyable Spanish time travel film about an ordinary man who finds himself caught up in bizarre events that send him back in time. Somewhat predictable at first, but that actually works in its favor towards the final act as some twists occur. Fans of time travel flicks will enjoy; those who are horribly confused by Season 5 of Lost, probably not.

Tell No One: French thriller about a man who was cleared of the murder of his wife 8 years earlier, only to have suspicions aroused again after a couple of dead bodies are discovered near the scene of her death, a situation that is further complicated when he received an email featuring video of his wife, alive, admonishing him to tell no one. Well done film with some interesting twists and some engaging characters, particularly the main character's less-than-reputable help in his investigation, and the main heavies employed by the big bad.

Doubt: Excellent film about a stern nun at a Catholic school in 1964 (Meryl Streep) who suspects that a priest (Philip Seymour Hoffman) has been abusing a young student. Powerful performances from all involved -- including the always excellent Amy Adams -- compliment a smart and engaging script. As much as Slumdog failed to meet my expectations, Doubt exceeded them.

The Day the Earth Stood Still: Dull yet annoying remake of the classic SF film about a strange visitor from beyond whose arrival invites aggression and paranoia from humanity. The disobedient kid made me feel borderline homicidal, and the CGI work was horribly distracting. Add onto that the film's inability to engage my interest in any character other than John Cleese during his 5 minutes on screen, and you have a big fat "meh" of a movie.

Movie Mon - Guan You, Guan Me, Guan Di

The Last House on the Left: Wes Craven's remake of his directorial debut about a group of criminals who find themselves at the mercy of the vengeful parents of one of their victims. One of those "sorry I paid to see it" films; not horrible, per se, but ultimately feels pointless. There were a couple of scenes that had Li'l Random and I laughing at the unintentional comedy, but there wasn't even enough of that to recommend it for MST3King.

Rock'n'Rolla: Latest effort from Guy Ritchie about a group of criminals getting in over their heads starts off pretty slow, but by the time the first robbery is pulled, the movie moved into full swing, and I was hooked. The first in a proposed trilogy of films following these characters; while my love for the film isn't equal to my love for Ritchie's earlier films like Lock, Stock, and 2 Smoking Barrels or Snatch, I'm eagerly looking forward to the next installment, especially if it contains anything as genius as this dance scene





Changeling: Drama based on the true story of a single mother in 1928 Los Angeles whose son is abducted; months later, when the police claim to have found the boy, she refuses to believe it is him, and begins a crusade to find her real child, a crusade that makes her a target for the corrupt police department. Well done film that goes places I hadn't expected.

My Name is Bruce: Low-budget B movie featuring king of low-budget B-movies, Bruce Campbell, playing himself, albeit a more exaggerated, blowhard version; the plot revolves around a young fan of low-budget B-movies who accidentally unleashes a Chinese god of war (and bean curd) and tracks down Bruce as an expert on the sort of creatures you would find in low-budget B-movies and asks for help, which Bruce mistakes for a birthday present from his agent wanting him to enjoy live role-playing his low-budget B movie role. So, how was it? As far as low-budget B-movies go . . . kind of disappointing. Oh, and it had its moments here and there, but overall, I expect more from Mr. Campbell. Although, I did find the Ballad of Guan Di kind of catchy (warning: mildly bloody towards the end)



Wonder Woman: Animated movie featuring everyone's favorite Amazonian here -- sorry, Xena -- coming to "man's world" to fight the forces of Ares. I've been pretty impressed with the overall quality of the recent slate of direct-to-DVD animated films from DC animation, and I think that this one is actually the best so far; the chemistry between WW and Steve Trevor (as voiced by Keri Russell and Nathan Fillion) is excellent, and the humor throughout was well done -- really wish I could find a clip of Diana teaching a young girl excluded from playing sword-fight with the boys in the park the proper way to disembowel your opponent; good stuff.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona: Woody Allen film about two American women summering in Europe who both fall for a volatile artist. I know it won an Oscar or two, and I know people who enjoyed it, but I honestly could not wait for the credits to roll on this one; bored me silly. Might have been a different story if I actually cared about any of the characters.

Rachel Getting Married: Indie film about a recovering addict (the excellent Anne Hathaway) who is released from rehab in time to attend her sister's wedding. I have to confess, I had been expecting to enjoy this one more than I did after all the raves I'd heard -- although I had heard at least one dissenting opinion from a co-worker* -- but the film felt overlong, and the feuding between the two sisters wore on me. Interesting side note: the actress who plays Rachel, the sister who complains because she feels like her more troubled sibling gets all of the attention, also plays Tara's sister on United State of Tara, on which her character is always complaining because her more troubled sibling gets all of the attention . . . Anyway, I did enjoy the movie on the whole, but I tended to enjoy the scenes centered around Anne Hathway's character more than anything else. She definitely deserved all the praise she received for the role.

Bottle Shock: So-so drama about "The Judgement in Paris" wine-tasting of 1976 which placed the California wine-making community on the map. A solid cast, but an uninspired script. Not great, not awful, just kind of there.

Nobel Son: Dark comedy about a selfish scholar (Alan Rickman) whose winning of the Nobel prize in chemistry is overshadowed by the kidnapping and ransom of his son -- a kidnapping that he initially doesn't believe is real and so repeatedly hangs up on the kidnapper. I'd say I enjoyed the first 2/3 of the film at least, maybe even 3/4; but, as it moved into its final act, the decisions and behavior of the characters we were supposed to be cheering for took me out of it. On the whole, would give it a thumbs up, but it would be much more enthusiastic if they had reconsidered that final act.

Let the Right One In: Swedish vampire film about a bullied young boy who is befriended by a vampiric young girl. A more serious take than the last Swedish vampire flick I watched, this stylish film actually lived up to the hype I had heard about it. Recommended for all you fans of foreign language horror films out there -- yes, all two of you.

Happy Go Lucky: British film about an overly perky young teacher who decides to get driving lessons and is paired with a curmudgeonly instructor who is her polar opposite. This film was much more character driven than plot driven, and as such, your enjoyment will probably be tied directly to how much you can identify with or enjoy the lead character. For me, she was a bit too perky/quirky/giddy/what-have you for my taste; however, the scenes with the abrasive driving instructor were almost all pure gold, as were the scenes with the Flamenco instructor. Most of my time without those two on screen was spent wondering when we'd get back to them.

Role Models: Entertaining comedy about two guys (Sean William Scott and Paul Rudd) who have to serve community service working for a "Big Brothers" style charity to avoid prison time and get assigned particularly challenging "littles" to care for. The heart of the film is Paul Rudd's grouchy, sarcastic character developing a friendship with the geeky, LARPing Auggie (played by McLovin), and probably the funniest scenes in the film revolve around the two of them. Not that there's not entertainment to be found in Scott's bonding with Tracy Jr. from 30 Rock; plenty of funny stuff there as well. All in all, a really enjoyable comedy; sure, the plot is pretty predictable, but the humor trumped that.

*One day his Facebook status simply read "Rachel Getting Married = Andrew Getting Angry"

Fragmented Friday - Who Watches the Watchmen's Man-things?

Latest diet update: as of yesterday morning, I was down 25 lbs since the beginning of the year.

Last night I went to a birthday dinner at Chili's in honor of Sunshine and Trouble, even though Trouble had declared multiple times that she was not having a birthday this year. Because of the timing of the dinner, I didn't get to watch OSU and OU play in the Big 12 quarterfinals, and had to settle for checking the score regularly on my cellphone. It was probably a good thing I didn't get to watch it, as the close score probably would have given me a heart attack. By the end, I had set the ESPN site to refresh automatically every 15 seconds, and so it was that it popped up the following info: "OSU 69 OU 70 FINAL." I sighed and announced it to the table, saying I was sad but was at least glad that the Cowboys had played them close. About 5 or 10 minutes later, one of the other guys said "Hey, Todd -- OSU won." Turns out he had just gotten a text from our former Singles pastor Freezeout who was actually at the game, and who is a big OU fan. I went back on my phone, and sure enough, the score now read OSU 71 OU 70. I later learned that OSU had gotten fouled with only a couple of seconds left and made two free throws to win the game; ESPN.com had just jumped the gun.

It amuses me greatly that most of the complaints I have heard from people about Watchmen have all centered around Dr. Manhattan's penchant for total nudity and the blue CGI private parts that accompany said penchant; who cares about plot, or acting, or direction or any of that jazz, just don't make us look at Dr. Manhattan's special purpose!*

My first time playing racquetball after the night of multiple buttkckings, I had made my first hit of my first game when Trouble said "What's wrong with your racket?" A quick glance showed that the top strings had broken. I went ahead and finished the game as is, since Trouble herself was playing with a cracked racket and had been for a few weeks, only waiting for payday to go buy herself a new one. Later, I emailed Cap'n Peanut to let him now that I had decided that the only possible explanation was that when he had borrowed my racket to play PigPen he had warped my racket with his crazy gorilla strength, and that a bill for a replacement would be forthcoming; he replied that it was nice to know that it was my shoddy racket that had been responsible for his less-than-stellar play that night.

Have you ever found out a piece of information that you were kinda glad to know, because you would hate to have been kept in the dark about it, but at the same time you kinda wish you didn't know, because that little piece of secret information fills you with concern and worry? Welcome to my world.

Last weekend the Singles had a game/movie night at Mei-Mei's parents' house; as always, the movie was shown out-doors, projected onto her parents' garage door. When the email invite went out, Cap'n Cluck urged everyone to remember lawn chairs and blankets. When I saw that, I decided to do one better than bringing a regular blanket, and instead brought one of my Christmas presents from my mom. So it was that about 20 minutes into the movie, as I started to get a little chilly, I wrapped myself up in a nice warm Snuggie**. The rest of the movie was spent with me looking for excuses to move my Snuggie-wrapped arms around for some reason, as every movement would sent Trouble and Lizard into paroxysms of laughter. One of those "you had to be there" times, to be sure, and I know most everyone else was lost as to what the three of us were dying laughing over.

I know I need to start up with the TV Tuesday posts again, but until I actually get around to it, I'd like to take this chance to say that this season of Lost is shaping up to be my favorite season, and I can't wait to see where it all leads. I also want to make sure everyone who is without the joys of TiVo/DVRs knows that Scrubs is moving to Wednesdays at 7:00. I'm also looking forward to the new sitcom which will be on between Scrubs and Lost, Better Off Ted.



Just looks like my kind of weird, doesn't it?

*Yesterday Zinger asked me if I had heard anyone make a "Dongtor Manhattan" joke yet; I assured him he was the first I had encountered.
**For the record: not only did I not request a Snuggie for Christmas, until I opened my present I had no idea that such a thing existed. It was a week or so later before I finally saw an actual Snuggie commercial.

We Watched the Watchmen*

Last night Li'l Random and I headed to the Movie Tavern for the midnight screening of Watchmen. When I bought the tickets a few days earlier, the guy suggested we get there by 10:30 or 11:00, and that they'd probably start seating at 11:00. I, being a perpetual early bird, got there about 10:15, and there were a handful of people already there and waiting; Li'l Random showed up right at 10:30, which is when the bulk of the people started to flow in; by 10:45 the lobby was incredibly crowded. They did indeed start seating at 11:00, but only allowed 20 people in at a time, allowing enough time in between each wave for people to find seats and possibly order their food. Li'l Random and I wound up barely missing the first cut, but were the lead offs of the second wave and so were easily able to get seats in our regular spot; I think it took most of that hour before showtime to get everyone in and seated.

One of the things I like about going to the Movie Tavern on premiere nights is that there are usually a couple of their wait staff dressed up as characters from the movie; last night there was a Silk Spectre and a Rorschach. I did turn to Li'l Random and remark that if someone showed up painted blue and in a speedo (or worse), I was out of there; when I mentioned this fact to Zinger this morning, he posited that that guy was there, but that I just didn't see him because he was too busy cooking in the back. Thanks for the nightmare fuel, Zinger!

The crowd was pretty lively leading up to the show starting, and Li'l Random wondered if we were going to have to sit through that the whole time; I assured him that from the rabid fangirl conversation I had overheard in line before he got there, there was at least one scrappy female who would be willing to crack some heads if they got in the way of her enjoying the film experience. Still, the concern seemed like it might be justified when the trailers started and the promo for Wolverine: Origins started; have never heard such clamor over a trailer in my life. The noise level continued through the Terminator: Salvation trailer as well, but died off when the movie itself started . . . mostly. There was one idiot who kept making whooping noises early on during the initial fight scene and Rorschach's investigation, but someone near him yelled at him to shut up, and despite a quick rebuttal along the brilliant lines of "No, you shut up!" the troublemaker shut his pie hole, and we made it through the rest of the film with no other incidents -- except, that is, for some distractions provided by the girls seated on either side of Li'l Random and myself.

The girl seated near Li'l Random spent a good portion of the last quarter of the film sounding like she was about to cough up her lungs, which always makes for an enjoyable experience for all involved, but at least her significant other seated in between her and Li'l Random served as a bit of a buffer. The girl seated right next to me, however, was slightly more distracting as two thing quickly became apparent: (1) She was incredibly squeamish when it came to blood and gore, and (2) That said squeamishness took the form of much squirming, squealing, and whimpering for the duration of the bloody sequence. And while the film was far from a non-stop gore-fest, director Zack Snyder definitely didn't shy away from ramping up the brutality factor when violence was called for.

As for the movie itself, well, I don't want to give too much away, but I will say that I thought that on the whole Snyder did a good job adapting a very difficult text. Was it perfect? Hardly, although I can probably chalk some of my problems to being such a big fan of the comic that when Snyder's interpretation didn't quite jibe with my own, I found it jarring; most of those moments revolved around Ozymandias. Not quite sure what it was, but the movie version of Veidt rubbed me the wrong way from the get-go. On the flip-side, pretty much every scene with Rorschach was pure gold, as Jackie Earle Haley (probably best known for his role as the rebellious Kelly Leak in the original Bad News Bears films) managed to perfectly capture the spirit of my favorite character from the book.

Much has been made among the comic geek world about the ending of the film, which differs from the book; I have to say that, from my point of view, the culmination of the villainous plot in the movie works just as well as that of the book, if not more so, but I know your mileage may vary on that one.

On the whole, I enjoyed the movie quite a bit, as did Li'l Random, although it's interesting to me that we came at this enjoyment from two vastly different areas. After all, for him this was a new story, whereas for me it was simply a long awaited adaptation of a work that I have read countless times since I first got a copy of the trade paperback for Christmas of 1988. Yes, that's right, it's been 20 years since I first read Watchmen; if that doesn't make me feel old, nothing will. Anyway, those of us comic geeks who have basically grown up in the aftermath of Watchmen have become a bit jaded to its deconstruction of heroics what with the preponderance of grim'n'gritty books that followed, but to someone whose only real exposure to super-heroics is TV and Movies, the overly humanized heroes here are something of a revelation.

I really hope some more of my non-comic-geek friends see it soon; I'm incredibly curious to see how the bulk of the uninitiated react to it.

*For the record, in my head that title has the word "Watched" pronounced with two distinct syllables: "We Watch-Ed the Watchmen." Why? Partly because the meter better matches the original quote that way, and partly because it amuses me. Okay, mostly because it amuses me.

Movie Mon - Craftiness

Haven't really watched a whole lot recently but here are a few brief reviews.

Friday the 13th: Franchise reboot that features a slightly craftier* version of everyone's favorite hockey-mask-clad slasher. Enjoyable enough slasher film; definitely a step above several of the previous installments in the series -- I'm looking at you New Beginning and Jason Takes Manhattan! -- but not one I foresee becoming a "classic" in its own right. Still, it will hold a special place in my heart for the deaths of the couple out water-skiing; both of their demises had Li'l Random and me about to fall out of our seats laughing. Doubt that was the director's intent, but oh well.

Blindness: Allegory about a nameless country which is overrun by an inexplicable plague of blindness, with the focus on several of the first people infected who are quarantined in an abandoned asylum which becomes packed to the gills as the epidemic spreads. Did not like this one at all; I can understand why it got good marks from critics, since it was very effective in achieving the effects it wanted to achieve. But while I can appreciate what they were going for with the film, the crumbling of society and its resultant thievery, violence, and rape were not things I enjoyed watching. While I may be a fan of the dark and twisty, I prefer my dark and twistiness to be either more subtle or more humorous; the stark brutality of Blindness made it a tough pill to swallow. Again, can appreciate the craftsmanship of the film, but doesn't mean I ever want to see it again.

Choke: Adaptation of Chuck Palahniuk's novel about a sex addict (Sam Rockwell) who scams people in restaurants by pretending to choke to death in order to raise money to pay for his delusional mother (Anjelica Huston)'s hospital fees. I had expected to like this one, what with its dark and twisty nature, but somehow the different plot elements never fully gelled for me. My favorite moments all revolved around Huston's character, both in her delusional present, and even moreso in the flashbacks to her younger days and questionable parenting skills.

The Haunting of Molly Hartley: Ho-hum horror flick about a girl who transfers to a new school after her mother goes crazy and tries to kill her, only to soon start hearing voices and seeing things as well. Really not worth the time it would take to critique it; I say give it a pass.

Sex Drive: Teensploitation film about a geeky virgin who goes on a quest to hook up with a girl he met online. Even as teen sex comedies go, this one was pretty bland; there were some amusing bits here and there (the bizarrely over-confident Randy and Andy, James Marsden as the violent older brother) but over all, I was pretty bored throughout most of it.




*Crafty as in sneaky intelligence, and not crafty as in "Oh, look at the nice macrame owl I made in Arts & Crafts." An understandable mistake, since Camp Crystal Lake is known for its macrame owls, ranks right up there with their high body count.

Movie Mon - Return of the Odd Squodd Movie Night

City of Ember: Entertaining post-apocalyptic family film -- yes, that's right, a post-apocalyptic family film -- about the remnants of humanity who live in an underground city which is starting to fall apart around them, and a couple of teens who think they've discovered the secret to their society's salvation. The trailers for this one were a little iffy for me, but the movie itself turned out to be enjoyable.

Amusement: Okay horror movie that follows three girls who had been friends in high school who find themselves the targets of horrific happenings.. The structure is interesting, as each girl's initial encounter is presented as a self-contained tale until they all dovetail at the end. Unfortunately, I found it at its most engaging when it felt more like a classic portmanteau horror film; once it actually brought all the threads together, it lost a bit of steam.

Repo! The Genetic Opera: Dark and twisty musical about a future where organ failure has become a common problem, and one company has become the leading force in organ replacement surgeries, even offering payment plans, but with a catch: if someone misses a payment, they get hunted down by the murderous RepoMan (Anthony Steward Head, a.k.a. Giles from Buffy) who repossess the organs in question. This was the selection for last Thursday's Odd Squodd Movie Night because, on the face of it, this sounds like our sort of movie, right? Bizarre plot, lots of horror-tinged themes, and people singing about it, headlined by a former Buffy star . . . should have been a home run, right? Not quite. My biggest quibble was the music; it's set up like an opera in that the bulk of the dialogue is sung, but in the majority of the cases there is no internal rhyme scheme, or consistent meter, or coherent musical structure; instead, it's often like they just wrote the script, started playing their electric guitars, and told the people to start singing. My love of a musical is largely tied into clever wordplay and catchy/memorable songs; in Repo! there were really only two songs that made any sort of positive impact on me, everything else fell flat. Interestingly enough, those were also the only two songs I had heard before I saw the film, so I probably had unrealistic expectations about the nature of the soundtrack. Li'l Random enjoyed it more than I did, but then again he's much less of a musical snob than I am. Outside of the music, the film had quite a bit going for it, in an Odd Squodd sort of way, but I just had trouble getting into it.

Ghost Town: Surprisingly enjoyable romantic comedy about a misanthropic dentist (Ricky Gervais) who briefly dies during a routine medical procedure and gains the ability to see ghosts, one of whom enlists him in trying to break up the dead man's widow and her current beau. I was unsure about this one going in because Ricky Gervais is very hit or miss with me, but it actually turned out to be a pretty funny movie with only one or two parts that made me squirm in uncomfortableness.

Savage Grace: A dramatization of the true life murder of Barbara Baekeland (Julianne Moore) by her mentally unbalanced son Tony, with the film chronicling the strange family dynamics from the time of Tony's birth. A well acted film, but not one I particularly enjoyed, even before it veered into incest.

Mirrors: Horror film about an alcoholic former cop (Kiefer Sutherland) who takes a job as a security guard at an abandoned building and finds himself being haunted by a force that attacks through mirrors. Pretty entertaining horror flick, although the strained dynamic between Kiefer's character and his estranged wife got a little tiresome.

Disaster Movie: A spoof film brought to you by the same team as Meet the Spartans and Epic Movie; as such, the film relies mainly on the "pop culture parody overload" theory of comedy. Seriously, while talking to a co-worker about it, I was able to think of 30 separate pop culture references crammed into it, and out of those I'd say maybe a fifth were actual disaster movies. As with most of the slate of spoofs that have flourished since Scary Movie, the sheer number of jokes they cram in will usually result in at least a couple hitting; for me, this one had a higher hit-to-miss ration than usual, most of the successful comedy bits revolving out of the spoof of Amy Adams' character in Enchanted, who turns out not to be a princess from a fairy tale world, but a delusional homeless woman living in the sewers. Pretty much any scene with her in it cracked me up.

The Dead One: Supernatural super-hero tale about a young man who has been chosen to serve as a catalyst for the return of the Aztec gods, but who struggles against their compulsions in order to save the woman he loves. Based on the comic book El Muerto: The Aztec Zombie, this indie film may have had a shoe-string budget, but turned out to be pretty enjoyable overall.

Death Race: Surprisingly well-put together futuristic action film about a man who has been framed for murder in order to bring him in as a driver for a race where the drivers are criminals, the cars are equipped with live ammo, and the grand prize is freedom. Predictable to be sure, but somehow it never felt cliched to me. Some nice action sequences.

Traitor: Well done thriller about a man infiltrating an Islamic terrorist group. Pretty solid little film; it was interesting to see Don Cheadle kicking butt, and I especially liked the way he thwarted the big bombing plan at the end -- took me by surprise. This was another film where I found myself scrutinizing the depiction of FBI agents; it really is odd how sensitive I've become to that since Cap'n Shack-Fu headed off to the academy. Guy Pierce's character passed the "doing the FBI proud" test; Neal McDonough, however, fell a bit short with his lacking interrogation skills.

The Seeker: The Dark is Rising: Adaptation of the second volume of Susan Cooper's The Dark is Rising series of books about the battle between the forces of good and evil; in this case, the battle is centered around Will Stanton, the 7th son of a 7th son who is prophesied to lead the forces to light to victory over the rising dark. I enjoyed the film the most in its earlier parts when it focuses on Will dealing with his very large family; as the fantasy elements rose to prominence, the film seemed to lose its way. Not a bad film, but I couldn't help feeling like it squandered its potential.

Mega-Movie Monday Pt. 2 - Odd and Scary

For the second batch of movie review catch-up, I'll be focusing on the less mainstream films I've watched over the last month or two.

HORROR

Spiker: Horribly low budget slasher film about a serial killer who uses railroad spikes as his weapon of choice. Dad and I started to watch this my first night home for Christmas, and were more than happy to stop watching it when mom got home from the store about 20 minutes in. I finished it up after I got back to Denton, but it was more like background noise as I was playing around on the laptop. Avoid with all your might.

Slash: Another low budget slasher film, this one about a rock group who go to visit their lead singer's estranged father's farm for a funeral and then become victims of a crazed killer who believes human blood helps crops grow. Much more watchable than Spiker, but again, that's damning with faint praise. This one's not exactly going to go down as a classic, unless you're talking about a classic example of horrible racial stereotyping. Honestly, the single Black character in the film is such a mass of negative stereotypes that it was painful; was glad when he got bumped off just because I didn't have to endure any more.

Frostbiten: Interesting and entertaining Swedish vampire flick . I could go into more detail about the plot, but honestly, either the phrase "Swedish vampire flick" intrigues you or it doesn't, and I doubt my talking about how funny and well-done it is could sway your mind if you're one of the latter. I do wish I could find some clips of the talking dog sequences to share, though; those cracked me up.

Feast II: Sloppy Seconds: Inferior sequel to one of my favorite horror films of recent years. This one ramped up the gross-out factor, but seemed to lose most of the originality and wit. Plus, none of the characters are all that likable, making it difficult to slog through.

Jake's Closet: Incredibly annoying film about a little boy whose parents divorce coincides with the appearance of a monster in his closet. No real redeeming characters anywhere in this one, and the ending just made me roll my eyes and wonder why I'd wasted my time.

Shiver: Spanish horror film about a teen afflicted with an intense sensitivity to light, making him an outcast in his new community, and thus one of the first suspects when people turn up missing. Not a bad little film, definitely higher quality than most of the horror flicks I've seen recently.

P2: So-so thriller about a workaholic who is trapped inside her office building's parking garage with a crazed parking attendant who has grown obsessed with her. Watched this one on Video On Demand; glad the only thing I wasted on it was my time, and not my money.

The Breed: Surprisingly well done animals-gone-wild film about five friends who are stranded on an island with a pack of intelligent and murderous dogs. A likable cast coupled with a very small number of "how can anyone be that stupid?" moments made this one a pretty entertaining watch. Plus, how often are you going to get a chance to see Oliver Hudson take out rabid dogs with a bow and arrow?

Dead Silence: So-so supernatural horror film about a man whose wife is murdered right after receiving a ventriloquist dummy in the mail. The movie had its drawbacks -- particularly Donnie Wahlberg's character, who grated on my nerves something fierce -- and telegraphed part of its final reveal something fierce; however, the actual reveal itself went gloriously dark and twisty places that I hadn't foreseen, and I have to give it props for that.

The Plague: Inspired by a Clive Barker story, the movie tells the tale of a strange illness that sweeps the globe, rendering all children worldwide comatose for ten years, when they suddenly awaken, thirsty for blood. An okay movie, not at the top of my list, but not at the bottom, either.

Dance of the Dead: Horror-comedy about a zed-word outbreak on prom night which catapults all of the dateless losers of the Sci-Fi club and other prom holdouts into the role of heroes. Mildly amusing film that embraces some cliches but eschews others.

The Ferryman: Mildly diverting film from New Zealand about a deadly spirit that uses a mystical knife to swap bodies in order to escape death itself. The film had its flaws -- notably the stereotypical and annoying uptight rich girl -- but for me it was all worth it for the scene when the possessed boyfriend of the uptight rich girl takes her down a peg or three.

Shutter: American remake of a Thailand film about a photographer and his girlfriend who begin to notice strange shadows in appearing in their pictures, shadows that soon prove to be proof of a deadly ghost haunting them. An okay film; not sorry I saw it, but not one I'd really recommend.

The Abandoned: Story of a British woman who was abandoned at birth and tracks down her family in Russia, only to encounter something supernatural. I liked this one for the most part, especially the use of the doppelganger concept, but wasn't a fan of the ending.

The Unborn: Well done ghost story about a girl who is haunted by the ghost of her twin who died in utero. Some nice creepy special effects, and a couple of creepy little kids, add up to some creepy fun. The only downside was that it's rated PG-13; normally that wouldn't be a problem, but in this case it meant that when Li'l Random and I went to see it, we had to put up with a theater full of teen-aged girls shrieking and talking throughout most of the film. They actually had to stop the movie at one point so that the security guard could come in and lecture everyone about being considerate of others.

ODD SQUODD WORTHY*

The Cottage: Story of two estranged brothers who team up to kidnap the daughter of a connected club owner for ransom, only to have things go terribly wrong when their hideout happens to be right next to the home of a deranged killer. While this British horror-comedy should technically go in the above section, I feel like it is dark, twisty, and bizarre enough to be Odd Squodd fodder. Not for the squeamish, but my dad and I cracked up all the way through it; out of all the movies I saw while at my folks' house, this was probably my favorite.

Colma: The Musical: Low-budget indie musical about three recent high school graduates in the town of Colma-- a town whose land is chiefly devoted cemeteries -- struggling with the transition into adulthood. None of the cast is likely to wind up on Broadway anytime soon, but the soundtrack still grew on me, enough so that I wound up ordering it online and have been listening to it non-stop since I got it. This is one I'd have a hard time recommending to most people; two out of three of the characters are self-serving and self-destructive, which can make it a tad difficult to identify with them. Still, the writing shows some real wit, and there are some genuinely funny moments throughout. Just probably not going to be most people's cup of tea.

Mr. Foe: Drama about a young man (Jamie Bell) who has trouble dealing with his mother's apparent suicide, becoming first a peeping tom, and later a semi-stalker when he spies a woman who greatly resembles his mother. I liked this one a lot, was alternately funny, touching, and disturbing, but definitely not for everyone.

Hamlet 2: Over-hyped comedy about a washed up actor (Steve Coogan) who becomes a washed up drama teacher who tries to save the theater department by staging a musical he wrote about Hamlet traveling through time with Jesus. Yes, you read that right; fair warning, there is a musical number entitled "Rock Me Sexy Jesus," which isn't quite as blasphemous as it sounds . . . quite. Didn't really enjoy this all that much, even without the uncomfortableness generated by the religious stuff; Coogan's character annoyed the heck out of me all the way through and since he was the main character around whom all other things revolved, that made it hard to enjoy it. Yes, there were some funny moments, and I'm not about to say it was a total waste of my time, but on the whole, not something I'd want to see again.

Zebraman: Entertaining if bizarre Japanese film about an awkward high school teacher obsessed with a short-lived 70s super-hero show who duplicates the costume to escape the mundanity of his everyday life and soon finds himself drawn into conflict with villains ripped straight from the TV show. The strangest thing about this movie to me was that it was from Takashi Miike, but was surprisingly wholesome; yeah, there was some death and violence, but it was all exaggerated and cartoonish, not explicit and gory like so much of his other work. That being said, I liked this movie a lot. Funny and action-packed.

Sidekick: Interesting indie film about a comic geek who suspects that one of his coworkers has super-powers and sets out to turn the co-worker into a real life super-hero so that he can become his sidekick; the only problem is that the potential super-hero is a self-centered, self-serving jerk. This one might best appeal to comic book fans, but as far as interesting takes on the super-hero genre go, this one was well worth my time.

Final Draft: Psychological drama about a script-writer on the verge of a nervous breakdown (James van der Beek) who locks himself in his apartment cut off from the outside world to make himself finish his horror movie script, and in turn begins to hallucinate about the people who have wronged him in his life. The ending is pretty predictable, but watching van der Beek's slow descent into madness kept me engaged through most of it.

Mega-Movie Monday Pt. 1 - Lot o' Catching Up to Do

I've seen quite a few movies over the last couple of months, especially over Christmas break with my folks. With over 30 films to review I figured I'd try to break them down into a couple of posts, and then label them with categories for your browsing pleasure.

ANIMATION

Horton Hears a Who: So-so animated adaption of the Dr. Seuss tale about an elephant trying to protect a microscopic world that only he believes exists. Nothing really negative to say about it, just didn't really hold my interest.

Happily N'ever After: Sub-par animated film about what happens when Cinderella's evil step-mother gains access to mystical scales that govern whether fairy tales turn out "happily ever after" or not. Couple of clever ideas here and there, but on the whole, I recommend just re-watching Hoodwinked or one of the Shrek films.

Kung Fu Panda: Animated film about a bumbling panda whose dreams of becoming a master of kung-fu become reality after being named as the chosen one from prophecy. One of the better animated films I've seen recently; not spectacular, but definitely enjoyable, especially the fight sequences.

Wall-E: Excellent animated film about a lonely trash-compacting robot whose solitary existence on a long-abandoned Earth is interrupted by the arrival of survey robot with whom he falls in love. Gotta love Pixar films -- well, except Cars, didn't really care for Cars -- and Wall-E is one of their best efforts. I know some folks felt it was a bit preachy with its "green" message, but I didn't think it was preachy at all.

ACTION/ADVENTURE/SF

The X-Files: I Want to Believe: The second big-screen X-Files film revolves around a defrocked priest besieged by visions of murder which bring Mulder and Scully back to duty to investigate. An okay film; I might have gotten more out of it if I'd been a more die-hard X-Files fan, but as it was, it just didn't hold my interest.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon: The third installment in The Mummy series sees the O'Connell clan once again battling a mystically reanimated mummy, only this one is Chinese and not Egyptian. As far as sequels go, I've seen worse, but this one definitely didn't live up to its predecessors, not the least of which was the lack of Rachel Weisz.

Sukiyaki Western Django: Highly stylized Western from Takashi Miike about a gunslinger caught up in a feud between two rival gangs on the hunt for treasure. Although filmed in Japan with a predominantly Japanese class, the movie was filmed in English, leading to some interesting line readings here and there.

Doomsday: Post-apocalyptic tale with heavy Mad Max vibe ; the plot revolves around a doomsday virus which decimated Scotland, turning it into a quarantined no man's land whose surviving inhabitants have turned savage. Quite a bit different from what I thought it would be, but in a good way. Although I have to say, the gratuitous exploding vehicles during the climactic chase sequence were waywayWAY over the top.

COMEDY

An American Carol: Super-right-wing spoof that takes copious shots at Michael Moore and other liberals in the most ham-fisted way imaginable. I won't say it was a total waste of time, but pretty close, and I say that as someone who can't stand Michael Moore. You'd think a movie mocking him would be right up my alley, and yet the utter lack of subtlety in its anti-liberal message drove me insane.

The House Bunny: Story of a ditzy Playboy Bunny (the always hilarious Anna Faris) who gets kicked out of the mansion and becomes house mother to a Sorority of misfits in danger of losing their charter if they don't increase their numbers. Pretty predictable plot, and occasionally squirm-inducing due to unbelievable awkwardness on the dorky girls parts. Still, there are plenty of laugh-out-loud sections, most of which are the work of Faris, such as this bit which never fails to crack me up.



Comedy gold, people, comedy gold.

Sydney White: Film loosely based on the tale of Snow White, with Amanda Bynes as the titular character who is drummed out of a sorority by a girl jealous of her burgeoning popularity, and is forced to move into a ramshackle house populated by Seven Dorks. Another pretty predictable film, but it managed to keep me entertained largely through the Seven Dorks, particularly "Grumpy" (Danny Strong of Buffy and Gilmore Girls) and "Dopey."

School of Scoundrels: Movie about a meek parking meter attendant (Jon Heder) who enrolls in a secretive class designed to make him more assertive lead by a manipulative jerk (Billy Bob Thornton). Had trouble getting through some sections of the film early on when Heder's character was in full-on spaz mode -- especially his first date with Jacinda from The Real World London -- but there were enough funny parts scattered throughout that I didn't feel like this was a complete waste of time. Still, glad I caught it on my DVR and didn't pay for it.

Mama Mia!: Big-screen adaptation of the smash Broadway hit musical about a girl who tries to find out the identity of her father in time for her wedding. This one didn't really gel for me at all, although my parents both loved it; mom even bought it for dad for Christmas*.

Fred Claus: Film centering on the centuries-old sibling rivalry between Saint Nick (Paul Giamatti) and his older -- and equally immortal -- brother Frederick (Vince Vaughn). Much better than I thought it was going to be, although that could be a case of damning with faint praise.

Step Brothers: Will Ferrell vehicle finds him playing a petulant man-child still living at home with his mother whose world is turned upside down after she marries a man with his own over-grown slacker child in tow. Alternates between cringe-worthy sequences and laugh-out-loud moments, such as the moment when Ferrell's character and his older brother try to hug for the first time**



Not Ferrell's best effort, but more than enough funny parts to make it worth a look

DRAMA

Shotgun Stories: Low budget drama about two sets of half-brothers who erupt into a blood feud following the death of their father. Acting is hit or miss, but on the whole, not a bad little film.

Red: Erroneously billed as a horror film, this drama tells the tale of a widower whose dog is killed by some rebellious teens, leading him to at first seek restitution, and later, retribution. A bit too slow-moving for my tastes, but that could have been a result of me going into it thinking it was a completely different sort of film than it really was.

The Visitor: Engaging drama about a listless college professor whose life is transformed after he discovers that his New York apartment has been illegally sublet to a couple of illegal immigrants. More of a character study than anything else.

Seven Pounds: Tear-jerker about a man (Will Smith) trying to atone for a mistake which claimed the lives of several people. Fairly well-done movie, although not one I'd enthusiastically recommend to people; for my money, I'd say wait for a rental. But, since I saw this with my folks and they bought the tickets, I can't complain.

Married Life: Period piece set in the 1950s about a married man who wants to leave his wife for his mistress, but hates the thought of causing her pain and so decides that the most humane thing to do is kill her. This one turned out to be nowhere near as dark and twisty as that synopsis might make it seem; don't know if that was a product of the period nature of the film or what, but while the movie had solid acting from its impressive cast (including Pierce Brosnon, Chris Cooper, and Patricia Clarkson) I felt a bit short-changed, which is why this is included in the "Drama" category and not the "Odd Squodd Friendly" category which will kick off part two of my reviews.

*She did, however, buy it in BluRay instead of DVD, which was a bit of a problem . . .
**When I showed that clip to my mom, she asked "Is that what's it's like trying to give PigPen a hug?" I responded "Pretty close."

Movie Mon. - A Smattering of Horror Reviews

I'm a little disappointed in myself for not living up to my usual standards of horror film reviews this Halloween month; I blame Cap'n Shack-Fu's presence back in town this month for the distraction. Of course, as far as distractions go, having my Best Friend around again is one of the better ones.

Death Note: Live action Japanese adaptation of the popular Manga series about a brilliant young man named Light who comes into possession of a mystical notebook with the power to kill anyone whose name is written in it, and decides to use the power to rid the world of evil, becoming a cult figure known as Kira. A relatively faithful adaptation of the first several volumes which shifts a few things here and there, shrinking the timeline and shifting some character actions around. I did feel like the decision to have Light espouse pro-Kira thoughts to his girlfriend was totally out of character, and the movie really dragged up until the appearance of Light's nemesis, the brilliant but eccentric detective known as L. Not a bad film, and I'm looking forward to the sequel which will wrap up the first half of the Manga series, but I couldn't help feeling it paled in comparison to its source material.

The Strangers: Occasionally tense but also occasionally frustrating thriller about a couple who are terrorized in a secluded house by a trio of masked strangers. A lot of the reviews I read compared this to Ils (Them), and while I see the link, I found this one to be more suspenseful and more enjoyable overall, although ever since having to suffer through her breathy, whiny version of Betty Ross in The Incredible Hulk, I've been a bit down on Liv Tyler, and watching her trade in whispers with the equally soft-spoken Scott Speedman --seriously, was having Felicity flashbacks at times with all the whisper-talk -- was more distracting for me than anything else. But, that may just be me.

The Substitute (Vikaren): Off-beat tongue-in-cheek Danish SF/Horror comedy about a bizarre substitute teacher who some of students discover is actually an alien in disguise. A bit uneven, the film still earned high marks in my book for having a diverse cast of kid actors who managed to be entertaining without being cutesy, and for the performance of Paprika Steen as the odd-ball alien substitute; her whip-crack emotional transformations from ice cold to maniacal laughter to overflowing with faux compassion made the movie. Although nominally a horror flick, the only blood is courtesy of a slaughtered chicken or two.

Stuck: Strange film about a nursing home worker (Mena Suvari) who accidentally hits a down-on-his-luck man (Stephen Rhea) with her car while driving home intoxicated from a party, resulting in the badly injured man being stuck in her windshield and leaving her to decide whether to turn herself in or wait until he succumbs to the injuries and then dispose of the body. Not quite what I was expecting; the original synopsisI read made it sound like the bulk of the film took place in the car where the man tried to talk her into saving him, which sounded like an interesting psychological film. Instead, we have her running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to figure a way out of the mess while the man lies bleeding and battered back in her garage. I had a hard time getting into it at times just because none of the characters were all that likable, including the victim.

I'd Also Settle For Any of the "Dwarf in a Red Raincoat" Clips

Back in February 07, I posted the following review:

Unconditional Love: Little known off-beat comedy about a recently separated housewife (Kathy Bates) whose love for a Tom Jones-esque singer (Jonathan Pryce) leads her and the singer's "valet" (Rupert Everett) on an adventure after the singer's death at the hands of The Crossbow Killer. I stumbled across this one while looking up Meredith Eaton (Bethany on Boston Legal) on IMDB. Thought it sounded kind of interesting, put it in my queue, and thought no more about it until it showed up at the house; I then let it sit on the coffee table for well over a week, not really in the mood for it. Finally, one day I decided to watch part of it during my lunch-break; PigPen came in about 20 minutes into it, and sort of rolled his eyes when I told him the title, but sat down to eat his lunch in front of the TV anyway. Then, when it was time for me to head back to the office, he practically snapped my head off when I pressed stop: "You can catch up later!" Long story short, we finished the movie as soon as we got home that night, took a brief break to recover our breath from having laughed so hard that we erupted into coughing fits, then watched certain scenes over and over again, and then two nights later forced Li'l Dill, Shack-Fu, and The Anti-Cap'n to watch it, and then added several pieces of dialogue from the film into the HyperForce 3003 lexicon. In other words, we liked it. So, if you hear me break into "Getting to Know You" after witnessing some reckless driving, or witness a chorus of HyperForce members chanting "normal*" anytime someone uses the word, or hear PigPen declare "Oh, bugger off," you know you can blame this movie, which I will undoubtedly be purchasing sometime soon so I can force it upon everyone I know. Consider yourself warned.


*Normal

Well, here we are over a year and a half later, and someone has finally posted the origins of the "Getting to Know You" gag



As well as the inevitable mid-funeral call-back which also gave us "bugger off"



Now if someone would just post the "normal" clip I could rest easy.

Movie Mon. - This Blog Not Approved by the ASPCA

Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat: Tongue-in-cheek horror Western about a group of vampires who relocate to the remote ghost town of Purgatory and try to cultivate synthetic blood to curb their murderous impulses. A bit uneven, the film is at its best when it highlights the vampiric community, and at its most bland when it focuses on the human scientist who has been called in to help with the synthetic blood production and his family. Originally filmed in 1989, the movie is notable for a young, thin, and scenery-chewing Bruce Campbell as a Van Helsing. Worth a look for horror fans and Bruce fans, but don't expect too much.

Max Payne: Lackluster video game adaptation about a loner cop who becomes implicated in the death of a woman who might be connected to the death of the cop's wife years earlier. Note to all those whose only familiarity with this is from the trailers and not the actual video game: this is not a supernatural film about the battle between Heaven and Hell as some of the early trailers made it out to be. Both Cap'n Shack-Fu and Li'l Random thought this was going to be a lot like Constantine, but it's not even close. Even taking the misleading trailers out of consideration, this just wasn't that good of a film. Most of the performances were fine -- I especially like Mila Kunis as a butt-kicking assassin, quite a departure from her days as spoiled princess Jackie on That 70s Show -- but the overall script was weak, and several of the action set-pieces asinine and pointless. Wishing now I'd stuck to my guns and not paid full price for it.

You Don't Mess With the Zohan: Incredibly uneven Adam Sandler vehicle about a near-super-human Israeli counter-terrorist agent who becomes fed up with a life of constant battle and fakes his death so he can come to America and become a hair-dresser. On the whole I really only found it amusing when it focused on Zohan's outrageous physical prowess, such as the only scene in any of the trailers that made me laugh



or during the moments of more absurdist comedy, such as Zohan's arch-nemesis The Phantom's training regimen



or the variation on hackey-sack which had me rolling for several minutes



although I think "hackey cat" rolls off the tongue much better than "cat sack." But despite how much joy I got out of the brief moments of comedy*, the movie as a whole left me dissatisfied.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall: Pretty entertaining comedy about a guy whose efforts to forget about his ex-girlfriend are thwarted when he accidentally winds up going on vacation to the same spot as her and her new boyfriend. Funny script and great performances made this one fun to watch, but it became an instant classic for me thanks to two little words: Dracula. Musical.



And then became a Super Tiger Dragon Edition instant classic at the end of the film when those two little words become three little words: Dracula. PUPPET. Musical. (WARNING: Clip contains major plot spoilers, especially early on; the really good -- and not quite as spoilery -- stuff starts at 1:40, and the moment that had me dying laughing for a good 5 minutes happens at around the 3:30 mark)



Yeah, I know the quality of the last clip is crappy -- and will probably be removed before too long -- but that's the best that's out there right now and I couldn't very well let all of October go by without posting some sort of horror-themed musical clip, now could I?

Street Kings: Okay thriller about a cop whose attempt to rough up his former partner who he thinks is ratting him out to I.A. goes awry when his partner is gunned down before his eyes. Pretty predictable, not much here to set it apart from all the other cop dramas out there. Now there was one scene which Li'l Random and I found highly amusing, but sadly nobody else out there seems to have found Jay Mohr ripping apart a dvd player to get a disc rather than simply hitting the eject button nearly as YouTube-worthy as we did.

Bigger, Stronger, Faster: Very interesting and entertaining documentary about steroid use as seen through the eyes of the director, a former power lifter whose siblings are both regular steroid users. Some thought-provoking stuff about the stigma against steroids and what some of the myths about them are. Plus, you get to see some freaks of nature, like the Belgian Blue bull with its genetic mutation that allows it to grow twice as much muscle as a normal bull



and Gregg Valentino, world record holder for Biggest Biceps; the really freaky shot comes at about the 1:02 mark






*Yes, I know both of the last clips featured cruelty to animals heavily, but I gotta say, if laughing at people swallowing live baby chickens and playing hackey sack with a cat are wrong, I don't want to be right! Which reminds me of when my dad's cousin accused my mom and me of being sickos for thinking this Far Side strip was hilarious.

Movie Mon - I Wish "The Happening" Hadn't . . . Happened, That Is

Very light movie watching week, due to me spending most of my free time watching the BBC version of Life on Mars.

The Happening: Total misfire from M. Night Shyamalan about a wave of mysterious suicides that are originally thought to be part of a terrorist attack, but which turn out to be something more mysterious. I want to start off by saying I have been a pretty big fan of Shymalan's work in the past; I loved Sixth Sense, Signs, and Unbreakable, found a lot to like in Lady in the Water, and at least appreciated the cinematography of The Village if not the predictable plot. In fact, a lot of my appreciation for his work has been tied up with his visual style; no one's ever going to accuse him of being an actor's director, and his plotting and dialogue have been hit or miss, but at least his work was visually engaging But with The Happening it's like all of his weaknesses were magnified, and all of his strengths had totally deserted him. I've seen people who took him to task for the reveal of what was causing the suicides, but that's something I didn't have a problem with. What I did have a problem with was the fact that the film featured several actors I usually enjoy watching and somehow stripped them of any likability or evidence of acting talent; not quite the horrible woodenness of the Star Wars prequels, but more of an overly cheesy and histrionic style that took me right out of things. Add onto that clunky dialogue and poor character decisions, and the fact that the film doesn't feature much in the way of visual techniques to separate it from the usual mass produced Hollywood dreck, and you have one big fat disappointment. Now, I will say that there were a couple of nice images based around the suicides, but on the whole, not really enough for me to be able to recommend the film to anyone, anywhere, at any time.

Jack Brooks, Monster Slayer: Low budget B-movie about a guy with massive anger management issues due to his witnessing his family being slain by a werewolf at a young age, who later finds his calling in life when his night class chemistry professor (played exceedingly well by Robert "Freddie Krueger" Englund) is possessed by a demon that decides to turn the class into his own personal buffet. Kind of an innocuous film; nice effects, workmanlike script, acceptable if not exceptional acting jobs from all but the veteran Englund. By the end of the movie, I was not particularly overjoyed to have seen it, but then neither was sorry I had watched it. All in all, not a bad way to pass an hour and a half, but only if you happen to catch it on cable.

Movie Mon. - Your Mileage May Vary

Eagle Eye: Thriller about a slacker (Shia LaBeouf) and a single mom (Michelle Monaghan) who are coerced into helping a mysterious figure who is practically omniscient thanks to a mastery of electronics. Enjoyable enough as long as you don't think too hard about the plot holes; luckily the movie moves along at a fast enough speed to make shutting your brain off and enjoying the ride fairly easy. Liked it, although I didn't really care for the cop-out ending.

Student Bodies: Early 80s horror movie spoof that I saw countless times as an adolescent thanks to it playing ad nauseum on It, the only pay cable channel that ever made it all the way out to our farm in Wyandotte; I recently learned that it had just been released on DVD not too long ago and was curious to see how it held up to the span of years since I last saw it approximately 25 years ago. The answer? Some parts kinda, others not so much; can definitely tell you that there were several bits I got this time around that were totally lost on 8 year old me.

Pathology: Horror film about a group of sociopathic med students who play a "game" where they murder people and challenge the others to figure out the cause of death. Really didn't like this one at all; couldn't really stand any of the characters who were all too horribly obnoxious for my tastes.

Leatherheads: Set in the 1920s, this romantic comedy follows the misadventures of "Dodge" Connelly (George Clooney, who also directed), a professional football player during the time when professional football was a joke, and how he tries to save the sport he loves by recruiting Carter "Bullet" Rutherford (John Krasinski), a war hero college footballer to his team, a move that's complicated by the presence of Lexie Littleton (Renee Zellweger), a female reporter who has been sent to dig up dirt on Rutherford and who, naturally, is wooed by both men. As a paean to screwball comedies, this film is at times frustrating as the rapid-fire dialogue that typified the genre is all too rare in the script, and even then it falls short of the mark set by such classics as The Philadelphia Story. However, while it might not quite be able to recreate the magic of the older films, the movie managed to create a charm of its own for me. I do wish that they had managed to develop Krasinski's character a bit more; while not quite a cipher, he was more of a plot device than a full fledged character. Still, every time Clooney and Zellweger were engaged in their verbal sparring, I was totally sucked in. All in all, one I would recommend.

Run, Fatboy, Run: Touching comedy about a inveterate slacker who, years after leaving his pregnant girlfriend at the altar, tries to redeem himself by competing in a marathon to prove that he can get his life together. This Simon Pegg vehicle is a bit of a departure from his collaborations with Edgar Wright, and not just because Nick Frost isn't along for the ride; a bit more slapstick, a lot less pop culture references, and a much more earnest tone. Now, while I would never suggest that this film could compare to the comedic masterpieces that were Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead, I will say that managed to make me both laugh quite often and tear up a couple of times. Outside of the always enjoyable Pegg, the best moments of the film had to come from Dylan Moran of Black Books infamy as his best friend. Liked this one a lot.

Chapter 27: Drama that follows Mark David Chapman through the three days leading up to his assassination of John Lennon; the title comes from the fact that at the height of his psychotic delusions Chapman thought he was turning into Holden Caulfield, the lead character in The Catcher in the Rye, a novel that had a total of 26 chapters. The film is probably most notable for the fact that star Jared Leto, the former teen heart-throb from My So-Called Life, gained 67 pounds to play Chapman; less notable to others, but definitely notable to me, was that Judah Friedlander shows up in the film minus his trademark glasses and trucker hat. An okay film that managed to hold my interest, but just barely.

Re-cycle: Supernatural film from Hong Kong that is billed as a horror film about a writer who is terrorized by strange occurrences straight out of the new book she is writing, but which feels much closer to one of Neil Gaiman's dark fantasy stories like MirrorMask than out-and-out horror as the writer finds herself trapped in a dimension that houses all discarded things, be they characters or toys or, in the film's most horrific sequence, aborted fetuses. Slow moving int he beginning, and a kind of pointless ending, but from the moment the protagonist gets sucked into the other world, it's the visuals which rule the film; you can get a pretty good sense of them from this trailer.



Felt like there was some wasted potential here, but the other world created by the Pang Brothers did make the film worth my while.

The Foot Fist Way: Low budget comedy starring Danny McBride (best known for his supporting roles in Pineapple Express and Tropic Thunder) as an arrogant, oblivious Taekwondo instructor who finds himself hurtling out of control after he finds out his wife cheated on him. This film has already developed a bit of a cult following, but I'm afraid it just didn't do it for me; yeah, there are some pretty funny moments here and there, but overall, just didn't gel for me. Think a big problem was that McBride's character was incredibly unsympathetic for the bulk of the film; I have a hard time enjoying films with such blatantly unsympathetic characters as the main focus -- your mileage may vary.

Noise: Mildly entertaining film about a man who goes on a vigilante rampage against what he sees as the scourge of modern civilization: car alarms and other noise pollutants. The opening ten minutes or so showed great inventiveness and potential, but after that it devolved into just an ordinary film; couple of flashes of interest here and there



but all in all, the opening sequence drew me in so well that everything after it felt like a let down. Again, your mileage may vary.

Burn After Reading: Coen Brothers film that's probably closest to Fargo in its dark and twisty sensibilities; the plot follows a disgruntled CIA agent (John Malkovich) whose memoirs are found by a couple of gym employees (Frances McDormand and Brad Pitt) who are convinced they've stumbled across some top secret stuff -- mayhem ensues. I know a lot of people let down by this one for some reason, but I liked it a lot. And Brad Pitt is freakin' hilarious throughout as the dim-witted physical trainer. Now, here's some really vague and ambiguous comments that are designed to be spoiler free while still allowing me to discuss something that really struck me in the film: There's at least one scene in the movie that reminded me of a very similar scene in a move from the early 90s that had generated a huge debate in my film criticism class about whether the scene was funny or not, and why or why not. And, much like with that earlier film, the scene in question had me rolling; also, much like with the earlier film, I'm sure there are scores of people who would have looked at me with confusion in their eyes as to why I found something like that so hilarious. Is it any wonder that I saw this one with Li'l Random?