Mid-Week Ramblings

Some random tidbits today; I was tempted to split this up into a "karate-themed" post and a "non-karate-themed" post to pad my posting numbers, but finally decided to just alternate between them in the post. I bet you're all really glad I shared that useless information with you, huh?

• A couple of weekends ago Squiggly and I attended a "takedown and submission" workshop taught by the head of Red Tiger Karate. It was pretty cool, although I wish it had lasted a bit longer since we wound up rushing through everything so quickly that we barely had time to practice any particular move more than a couple of times. Still, it did confirm what I had suspected, which is that I would much rather be taking a grappling style martial art such as judo or jujitsu than karate; not that I don't enjoy karate, it's just that I think I'd enjoy the other styles more. Of course, until I can find a judo/jujitsu class that's as affordable as Red Tiger is, it's a moot point.
  
  
• For the first time since its inception oh so many weeks ago, I was unable to come up with a story to submit to Write in the Thick of It. I blame my assigned genre; whereas last time my assigned genre of "western" inspired me, this time around the assigned genre of "mystery" killed all creative juices. I wouldn't feel quite so bad about not entering something if it weren't for the fact that there was apparently a plague of writers block, resulting in there only being two entries: Redneck Diva and Hillbilly Mom. Today's your last day to vote for a winner; with luck, I'll be up to submitting something the next time around.
  
  
• In addition to PigPen, I have a new constant sparring partner: Cap'n Shack-Fu. You see, following our swimming pool grappling a few weeks ago, Shack-Attack has taken it upon himself to continually test my battle readiness. The evening after the "takedown and submission" seminar he had me show him some of the things we'd learned, as well as a couple of the self-defense moves from our regular karate class, before he decided it was time to run me through the Cap'n Shack-Fu Self-Defense Crash Course, much to the amusement of Squiggly who got to watch Coach Shack-Fu put me through my paces. Unfortunately, the fact that I jammed one of my fingers pretty badly last week* meant that Shack-Fu was unable to engage me in battle before heading off to OK as he obviously wanted to, which is a shame, really, since I was enjoying the fact that, for once, it wasn't me being the instigator.
  
  
• Later on today I'm going to have a phone interview with a reporter for MSNBC.com -- please note the ".com," which means that this will be an Internet article, and not something televised on MSNBC, as a few of the people I've told have assumed. As for why she's interviewing me, well, it's because of CoIM; in particular, my "Cap'n TMI" blog post, which ties into an article she's writing on people's tendency to overshare. I think there's probably a betting pool going on just how much I'm going to overshare during the interview.
  
  
• You know what the most difficult thing about karate is for me right now? It's not learning the kata or feeling comfortable with the techniques; it's not getting up to speed with the conditioning or enduring the constructive criticism of the instructors; it's not even the thought of having to perform my kata in front of an audience at the tournament or having to start sparring,**; no, the hardest part for me is not comparing myself and my progress to fellow white belt PigPen. I actually have done a pretty good job of just focusing on how much improvement I'm showing compared to when I started without trying to use anyone else as a measuring stick, but every once in a while that foolishly competitive side of myself rears its moronic head.
  
  
• Last night I updated the CoIM Cast List to include Cap'n Bubbles, as well as updating several people's nicknames, character descriptions, catch-phrases, and the like. I probably would have tinkered with it more but I got distracted by the siren call of new episodes of The Closer, Eureka, and Pirate Master, as well as the DVD of an excellent Indie horror flick Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon*** which is the first DVD I've been compelled to listen to the full commentary of in many many moons. So please, check out the updated list, but don't be too surprised if it gets updated again soon -- then again, don't be too surprised if it takes another three or four months to get updated. Because that's the way I roll.
  
  
• It's a little less than 4 weeks until our tournament, where I have to perform my kata in front of a whole bunch of people; it's kinda-sorta a competition, since they'll be awarding first and second place, but I'm going to do my best to just think of it as "something I've got to do in order to take my belt test."
  
  
• I'm experimenting with exposing different blog monkey groups to each other; on my recent Frilly's Friday I invited Li'l Random along so that he and Zinger could meet. Now, I've provided Cap'n Shack-Fu with Bubblegum Tate's phone number since Tate lives not too far from where Shack-Fu is stationed. The next step: having representatives from three different groups converge. Zinger has expressed concern that such crossing of blog monkey groups could cause some sort of rift in space and time, but I think we've concluded that as long as he and Bizarro-Zinger never meet, we should be okay.
  

*PigPen and Squiggly's Sis can testify to the load cracking sound it made when it happened, as well as to the not-nice-words which escaped from my mouth at the same time
**Both of which are just far enough away for me to be in denial about them
***I know there aren't many horror fans among you blog monkeys, but for those who are, I highly, highly recommend Behind the Mask. Funny and creepy, self-referential without being over-indulgent; think I might have just enough to say about it to resurrect Movie Monday next week . . . maybe.

Cast List in Beta Testing

If you head over here you can see the rough beginnings of my new cast list page. And when I say rough, I mean rough; only have a few brief character sketches up, and the overall layout is a work in progress. But, since I've been promising an updated cast list for ages, I figured I might as well put the work in progress out there to show that I am actually making a bit of headway after all.

I Really Need to Update the Cast List

The Singles department is in a near constant state of flux, especially the "young" singles class; since I've started attending First Baptist of Denton, I can think of at least five distinct iterations of my Sunday School class as people have flowed in and out due to changes in jobs, school, and marital status. Over the past couple of months, the class has started to move into yet another iteration as we've started hemorrhaging class members; at this point, there's not a single class member left from when I started, and only one or two who were there before I took over teaching. A few weeks back Smooth Money's Girl became Mrs. Smooth Money; last Friday Cap'n Bumper tied the knot as well at a beautiful outdoor ceremony which was marred only by the fact that it was frickin' cold out; next week I get to be the D.J. at Cap'n Disaster's nuptials (a job which consists solely of pressing "play" on the CD player); and, last but not least, Clan Lightbulb has bid our class adieu as they prepare in earnest for their move to Austin later this year. The loss of these Singles has had quite an effect on the dynamic of the class, as many of them were among the more vocal members, either in relevant discussion points (Smooth Money's Girl), entertaining diversions (Cap'ns Bumper and Disaster) or a combination of the two (Clan Lightbulb); heck, I don't even know how to start off my lessons anymore without Cap'n Bumper or Mama Lightbulb around to make the requisite inappropriate comment to trigger my trademark "And on that note, please open up your bibles to . . ." But, while we're losing quite a few members, we've also gained a few along the way, such as Magic Pants or the man now known as The Anti-Cap'n; life among the Singles is all about change.

Cast of Characters: Singling out the Singles

This has been, by far, the most difficult of the Cast Lists to compile, due to lack of nicknames and the fact that I really don’t have a good enough grasp of roles for everyone at this point. Finally decided to just post what I had done so far, to appease those Singles blog monkeys who were starting to feel slighted. So, if you’re a Single reading this and feeling upset that you’re not included, I apologize in advance. As soon as I come up with something, you’ll be the first to know.

GROUP 3: The Singles

This group is formed around my Sunday School class. Single Status is determined by whether they were in the department before me (Old School), after I joined (Same School), or after I took over teaching (New School). A few of the group have moved on to the multi-generational class taught by Freezeout.

Sub-group 1: Staffers: These are the church staff-members and their family, also known as the poor fools who put the spiritual well-being of the class in my hands.

NICK: Papa Lightbulb
OCCUPATION: Seminary student / Singles Dept. Intern.
ROLE: go-to guy
HOBBY: before meeting me: watching Law and Order non-stop. after: watching Firefly/Serenity nonstop
SINGLE STATUS: Same School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Married to Mama Lightbulb. My current 2nd-in-command. Rabid Firefly/Serenity convert. Law and Order addict. Moving soon to start a new church in Austin.

NICK: Mama Lightbulb
ROLE: bargain hunter
HOBBY: pinching pennies
SINGLE STATUS: Same School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Married to Papa Lightbulb. Expecting first child, Li'l Lightbulb, in November. Has a tendency to over-share. Curses my name for introducing Firefly to her hubby.

NICK: Freezeout
OCCUPATION: Head of the Singles Sunday School department.
ROLE: head honcho
HOBBY: turning his office into an arctic zone
SINGLE STATUS: Old School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Missionary kid, grew up in other countries. Sarcastic sense of humor, feels free to single me out for ridicule, which strangely enough makes me feel more welcome.

NICK: Hyperlad
OCCUPATION: Teacher
ROLE: ADHD one
HOBBY: bouncing off the walls
SINGLE STATUS: Old School
CHARACTER SKETCH: My predecessor as teacher. Roped me into being his 2nd in command and then moved to California. High energy, short attention, no hair, lots of fun.

SUB-GROUP 2: The Amigas: For a while, three of the girls from the class had rented a house near the church, which often was the site for social functions. At some point, they were dubbed "The Three Amigas." Although they've now moved out of the conveniently located house, and one of the original trio has married and moved off to be replaced by a new roomie, the Amigas name still sticks.

NICK: Angel
OCCUPATION: Teacher
ROLE: quiet one
HOBBY: exemplifying the phrase "it's always the quiet ones you have to look out for"
SINGLE STATUS: Old School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Amiga Original. Much more mischievous than most people suspect. Recently moved to Freezeout's class.

NICK: Smooth Money's Girl
OCCUPATION: Physical therapy
ROLE: straight-talker
HOBBY: telling it like it is
SINGLE STATUS: Old School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Amiga Original. Refuses to let me use her real nickname, so gets stuck with being referred to only in context of her boyfriend for the time being.

NICK: Princess
OCCUPATION: Teacher
ROLE: the royal one
HOBBY: dreaming of being a princess
SINGLE STATUS: Old School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Amiga Original. Married and moved away. Only member of The Singles to have an honest-to-goodness, used-all-the-time nickname.

NICK: Trouble
OCCUPATION: Teacher
ROLE: mischievous one
HOBBY: living up to her nickname
SINGLE STATUS: Old School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Amiga honoraria (never lived in the house). Enjoys stirring things up. Has a pathological hatred of wearing nametags. Another defector to Freezeout's class.

NICK: Scuba-girl
OCCUPATION: Lab worker
ROLE: social one
HOBBY: trying to organize social activities
SINGLE STATUS: New School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Amiga nueva. Enjoys swimming, scuba-diving, etc.

NICK: Smooth Money
OCCUPATION: land appraisal
ROLE: boyfriend of Smooth Money's Girl (how's that for self-referential?)
HOBBY: Bumper Bowling
SINGLE STATUS: Ancillary/New School
CHARACTER SKETCH: El novio de una Amiga. Bowling catchphrase: "That's money." I've had little contact with him outside of the Bumper Bowling experience, so this is a bit sketchy

Sub-group 3: CAP'NS: The Coalition Against Puttin' Nuts in Stuff. I think that says it all.

NICK: Cap'n Disaster
OCCUPATION: FEMA worker
ROLE: Dramatic one
HOBBY: attracting stalkers
SINGLE STATUS: Old School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Founding member of CAP'NS. Single mom. Singer. Gets way too excited about emergency management and disaster drills. Has a tendency to see all drawbacks as steps towards a life of lying homeless in a ditch.

NICK: Cap'n Cluck
OCCUPATION: Teacher
ROLE: dancin' fool
HOBBY: Polka!
SINGLE STATUS: New School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Founding member of CAP'NS. Taken dance class for 23 years. Recently returned from a year in New Zealand, where she and a friend visited filming locations for LotR and reenacted scenes.

NICK: Cap'n Bumper
OCCUPATION: Construction
ROLE: class clown
HOBBY: making inappropriate (but dang funny) comments
SINGLE STATUS: New School
CHARACTER SKETCH: First CAP'NS recruit. Constantly cracks the whole class up. Engaged to another Single for whom I have no nickname, and who would probably hurt me if I referred to her as "Cap'n Bumper's Girl" so her entry will have to wait.

NICK: Cap'n Neurotic
OCCUPATION: Library worker
ROLE: teacher / pop culture expert
HOBBY: singing the Popular song
SINGLE STATUS: N/A
CHARACTER SKETCH: Founder of CAP'NS. Floated on the outside of the group until joining Angel and Trouble's FAITH team. Was browbeaten into teaching by Hyperlad and Papa Lightbulb. Meshes well with Old Schools and Same Schools, often gets strange looks from New Schools.

Parkerite Cast Update!

Following my Parkerite Cast List post, I did my periodic "Wonder if I can track down The Old Man through Google?" search. Lo and behold, this time it actually worked! I found a possible email address, sent an "Are you who I think you are?" email, and have just gotten a "It sure is" response. Turns out he and his wife now have three kids and have moved back to OK. Of course, this totally messes up the "his hobby is disappearing" joke, but I guess that's the price I have to pay. With luck, I'll get to actually see them in person before I hit 40.

Cast of Characters: Barrel of Book Monkeys

Well, feedback from the Parkerites on the first round of Cast descriptions has been mostly positive, or at least it's been mostly positive from the ones who are still speaking to me. I'm trying not to read too much into the deafening silence from others but, hey, Cap'n Paranoia here, can't really help it. And now, to prove that I have not yet learned my lesson and can never leave well enough alone, I give you round two of the Character lists!

Let's dive into the barrel of Book Monkeys.

Group 2: Book Monkeys

Formed from former co-workers in Interlibrary Services. The name is taken from the term some of the student workers coined for themselves. In addition to the roles in the Book Monkey group, each member has been assigned a role to fulfill in Insidious Evil’s bids for world domination (yes, that’s right, St. Flunky has competition).

Sub-group 1: The Core Four: Back in my ILS days, the majority of my social life revolved around activities with these three. If I were to name the group that’s been responsible for me laughing the hardest the most number of times, it’s a toss-up between Clan Stoneheart and this sub-group. Definitely the group that “gets” my sense of humor the most, probably the one around which I second-guess myself the least.

NICK: The Wiz
OCCUPATION: who can keep track?
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the impulsive one
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil lawyer
HOBBY: sending me emails about cool events in Austin that I can’t possibly go to
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: student worker/staff member
CHARACTER SKETCH: faithful Whedonite. Aspiring filmmaker. Person with the most similar taste in movies and TV to me. Responsible for me meeting actress Amber Benson and the members of the rock group Virgil. Only other Book Monkey to move to TX so far.

NICK: Rose Hips the Enforcer
OCCUPATION: tech support and training
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the organizer
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil enforcer
HOBBY: keeping the rest of us in line
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: honorary Book Monkey
CHARACTER SKETCH: the storyteller of the bunch. Intense hatred of screeching guitar music. Personality test once said we were 100% compatible.

NICK: The Mag
OCCUPATION: tech support and training
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the mischievous one
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil spymaster
HOBBY: trying to look innocent
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: staff member / supervisor
CHARACTER SKETCH: Took over the supervisory position after I left. Shares my love of cheesy movies. Shares Rose Hips' hatred of screeching guitar music. Does not share our love of roller coasters.

NICK: T-Guar, the Golden Boy (that would be me)
OCCUPATION: still truckin’ on in the library world
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: singing comic geek
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil minstrel
HOBBY: enabling the others’ pop culture addictions
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: staff member / supervisor
CHARACTER SKETCH: Unleashes full range of weird humor and bursting-into-song tendencies around this group.


Sub-group 2: SxSF: Along with the Core Four, these Book Monkeys got to share in the wonders of a week-end at Six Flags and The Wiz's movie-making attempt. 90% of my Infinite Monkeys Press webpage was inspired by this group.

NICK: Tin Man
OCCUPATION: student
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the young'un
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil spokesman
HOBBY: making the rest of us feel old
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: student worker
CHARACTER SKETCH: Hired by The Mag after I left ILS. World traveler. Played my son in The Wiz’s film-which-will-never-be-shown-to-anyone-so-don’t-ask. Competitive. Lazer Tag aficionado. Sponge-bob Squarepants fan.

NICK: Bunny
OCCUPATION: administrative something-or-other
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the naughty one
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil spin-doctor
HOBBY: finding the line of decency and crossing it
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: student worker
CHARACTER SKETCH: long-time friend of Fellow Book Monkey and Blogger Bubblegum Tate, responsible for his getting hired as a Book Monkey. Bought me a stuffed boa constrictor (long story). Possibly responsible for the Tin Man never being able to have children due to a mishap while riding “La Vibora” at Six Flags. Provided the key words responsible for the SXSF story ideas on Infinite Monkeys Press.

Sub-group 3: The Others: These are the poor souls who, due to problems of time, distance, and other commitments seldom get to partake of Book Monkey gatherings.

NICK: Insidious Evil
OCCUPATION: starving artist and aspiring evil overlord
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the dry wit
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil Overlord
HOBBY: plotting world domination
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: student worker
CHARACTER SKETCH: Highly cynical and sarcastic; in other words, my kind of people. Has a love for drawing/sculpting bunnies: Arsonist Bunny, Rabid Bunny, Cannibal Bunnies, Plays-with-farm-equipment Bunny . . .

NICK: Kookamamma
OCCUPATION: last I heard, stay-at-home mom
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the hostess
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil animal trainer
HOBBY: cursing the Wiz and me for our inside jokes
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: student worker
CHARACTER SKETCH: fellow English major. Has lots o’ pets. Former host of many a Dawson/Felicity/Survivor/whatever watch party. Big fan of Harry Potter, Lance Armstrong, and Colby from Survivor

NICK: Strengthy Girl
OCCUPATION: last I heard, stay-at-home mom
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the nice one
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Innocent bystander
HOBBY: seeing the world through rose-colored glasses
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: student worker
CHARACTER SKETCH: Likes to create her own words, like strengthy. Was convinced The Wiz hated her for the first month or two she worked at ILS. Was lucky enough to be one of the few students who worked the Thursday night shift with me.

NICK: Bubblegum Tate
OCCUPATION: sales
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the outspoken one
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil propaganda writer.
HOBBY: challenging me for my role as resident comic geek
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: student worker
CHARACTER SKETCH: huge fan of Batman. Former roommate of Wrath the Berzerkr’s freshman roommate from Parker. Responsible for introducing me to the comic books Sin City, Quantum & Woody, Ranma 1/2, among others; I, in turn, transformed him into a Legion of Super-Heroes fan. Maintains a blog along with his wife. Has been the most persistent in asking me to finish this cast list.

Cast of Characters: Meet the Parkerites pt.2

Okay, here’s the remainder of the Parkerite cast for now. I will try to have the Book Monkey cast up by this weekend, if for no other reason than to appease Fellow Book Monkey and Blogger Bubblegum Tate, who met my announcement that I would do the Parkerites first with the following: “I knew you’d go chronologically! Curse your borderline-OCD!”


Sub-group 3: PFL: the Poker Football League members not included in the previous groups. On the whole, these are more acquaintances than full-fledged friends: know them, like them, but hardly have any contact with them outside of the large group outings. Subsequently, the following is based on a much more limited experiential range.

NICK: The Eskimo
OCCUPATION: engineer
ROLE: the social one
HOBBY: using the “confused” act as a smokescreen during games
FAMILY STATUS: Married to a 1st generation Parkerite. One kid
PARKERITE STATUS: Ancillary
PFL TEAM: Asian Persuasion
CHARACTER SKETCH: Driving force behind many of the group get-togethers (poker nights, football viewings, etc.).

NICK: The Squatch
OCCUPATION: teacher
ROLE: the funny one
HOBBY: finding excuses to wear lederhosen
FAMILY STATUS: Married. Two kids.
PARKERITE STATUS: Ancillary
PFL TEAM: Ft. Worth Squatch
CHARACTER SKETCH: Part of the Parkerites through The Eskimo. Hosts the annual “Squatchtoberfest” get-together.

NICK: GMC
OCCUPATION: veterinarian, part time teacher, part time improv comic
ROLE: the unlucky one
HOBBY: bemoaning his luck at poker, fantasy football, etc.
FAMILY STATUS: single
PARKERITE STATUS: 2nd generation
PFL TEAM: Black Plague
CHARACTER SKETCH: The "bemoaning his luck" is part of his sense of humor, sometimes misunderstood by others. Worships on the altar of Peyton Manning.

NICK: Special K
OCCUPATION: teacher
ROLE: token normal one
HOBBY: shaking his head at the rest of us
FAMILY STATUS: Married. Three kids.
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Lowest Common Denominators
CHARACTER SKETCH: Nice guy, not sure how he got stuck with this group. One of the few not to engage in the Great Parkerite Exodus, and consequently does not make it to most of the smaller gatherings.

Sub-group 4: All the rest:

NICK: Little-man Stud
OCCUPATION: grad student
ROLE: the questioner
HOBBY: following up questions with “No. Really? No. Seriously?” statements
FAMILY STATUS: Single.
PARKERITE STATUS: 2nd generation
PFL TEAM: N/A
CHARACTER SKETCH: In a constant state of epiphany. Once joined a road trip to see Jimmy Buffett in Dallas and didn’t ask till we were halfway there “So, he sings Brown-Eyed Girl, right?” Claims that one arm is longer than the other. Turns every phone conversation into a litany of “Have you talked to so-and-so? Have you talked to such-and-such?” ad infinitum.

NICK: The Old Man
OCCUPATION: engineer
ROLE: the “whatever happened to . . .?” one
HOBBY: disappearing
FAMILY STATUS: married . . . I think
PARKERITE STATUS: 2nd generation
PFL TEAM: N/A
CHARACTER SKETCH: Former roommate. Was in Coast Guard before going to school, so was older than the rest of us. After graduation, was never heard from again.

Sub-group 5: Yours Truly (Parkerite)
NICK: Electric Toad
OCCUPATION: future librarian
ROLE: the self-conscious one
HOBBY: turning self-doubt into a self-fulfilling prophecy
FAMILY STATUS: single
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: formerly Dewey Decimators and Mystery Men; now serve as auctioneer for draft
CHARACTER SKETCH: Self-confident and outspoken around Clan Stoneheart and most Roomies; much less so in large PFL group, although has been improving, may eventually improve role to just being “the comic/film/tv geek.”

Cast of Characters: Meet the Parkerites pt.1

One of the most profound changes that my time at UNT in general, and in the SLIS program in particular, has wrought in me is this: I have become a cataloger. This is not a job description; this is a personality profile. In retrospect, I can see I’ve always had these cataloging tendencies on some level, but my time in the cataloging department and Masters Program has unleashed the cataloger within. Everything is now viewed in terms of how it relates to everything else; all relationships are labeled and grouped, organized and subdivided. Bearing that in mind, it should come as no surprise that while creating my Cast of Characters I found myself breaking the three larger groups into various sub-groups, according to patterns of association and socialization. Can you say “OCD?” I knew you could.

Here’s the general plan: I’m going to address the Cast of Characters Group by Group, going into a bit of detail about those poor, cursed souls burdened with the onerous task of being my friends. I’ll eventually set up a link of the main page to a Cliff’s notes version of the Cast list.

The Cast list is a work in progress; posting the first two sub-groups right now, and will post the rest later. If you can’t find yourself on the list, then I guess you’d better get started doing something nickname-worthy, because odds are that’s the stumbling block.

Group 1: The Parkerites

Built on the foundation of my old dorm, Parker Hall. Parker was a residence for Honors students, so the group is filled with intelligent, talented, and creative individuals, who have excellent senses of humor and will not take any of this personally. Oh, and Flunky.

Parkerite Status is determined by whether they lived there my freshman year (1st generation), my sophomore year (2nd generation), or not at all (ancillary). PFL is the name of the Fantasy Football league that most of the Parkerites take part in.

Sub-group 1: Clan Stoneheart: the group I’ve kept in contact with the most post-college. Anytime I remark that I heard something about a Parkerite through the grapevine, odds are pretty good this is the grapevine.

NICK: Zinger Stoneheart
OCCUPATION: engineer
ROLE: curmudgeon
HOBBY: saying no to Pooh-bear
FAMILY STATUS: married to Pooh-Bear Parrothead
PARKERITE STATUS: 2nd generation
PFL TEAM: Manatees
CHARACTER SKETCH: often mistaken for “the quiet one.” Inhuman recall of movie and TV quotes. My first Firefly convert.

NICK: Pooh-bear Parrothead
OCCUPATION: accountant
ROLE: the blunt one
HOBBY: ignoring Zinger when he says "no"
FAMILY STATUS: married to Zinger Stonheart.
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Manatees
CHARACTER SKETCH: Unafraid to speak her mind. Lover of all things Jimmy Buffett.

APODO: Coronela
OCUPACIÓN: ingeniera
FUNCIÓN: persona no censurada
MANÍA: discurso en español y decir cosas inadecuadas alrededor de niños
ESTADO DE FAMILIA: La casan.
PARKERITE ESTADO: 1ra generación
EQUIPO DE PFL: ninguno, pero ella era un substituto en la subasta pasada
BOSQUEJO DEL CARÁCTER: Energético. Los amores todas cosas hispano. De mala fama para pensar ella es sutil cuando ella no es. Ella me hizo prometo que yo nunca jugaría “Axis and Allies”

Sub-group 2: Roomies: Three of my former off-campus roommates and their families. Contact with this group has been spotty over the years, affected by distance, email/IM availability/usage, and previously discussed awkwardness.

NICK: Dr. G'ovich
OCCUPATION: Web design
ROLE: the instigator
HOBBY: messing with my mind
FAMILY STATUS: Married to Rocket G’ovich. Three kids
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Angry All-stars
CHARACTER SKETCH: Excels at conjuring random ideas for activities and persuading others to join in.

NICK: Rocket G’ovich
OCCUPATION: computer-type-stuff
ROLE: the patient one
HOBBY: putting up with Dr. G'ovich
FAMILY STATUS: Married to Dr. G'ovich. Three kids.
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Rocket Sauce
CHARACTER SKETCH: Has been married to G’ovich for years and has yet to have a nervous breakdown, I think that says it all. Only female to have her own PFL team.

NICK: Flunky
OCCUPATION: nomadic wanderer
ROLE: competitive one
HOBBY: plotting world domination
FAMILY STATUS: Married to Flunky Lover. One Spawn.
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Captain Coal
CHARACTER SKETCH: obsessive game player. Former Army officer. Pathological refusal to respond to emails. Patiently takes all of my crap, resting assured in the knowledge that he could snap my neck like a twig if he wanted.

NICK: Flunky Lover
OCCUPATION: nurse
ROLE: the REALLY blunt one
HOBBY: letting Flunky think he's in control
FAMILY STATUS: Married to Flunky. One Spawn
PARKERITE STATUS: 2nd generation
PFL TEAM: Captain Coal
CHARACTER SKETCH: Not only is not afraid to speak her mind, but often does so with a smile. Do not be fooled: when she says she wishes you great bodily harm and then smiles, it’s not an “I’m kidding” smile, it’s an “I’m picturing just how great it would be to see you in physical pain” smile. Fear the true power behind the Spawn of Flunky!

NICK: Wrath teh Berzerkr
OCCUPATION: programmer
ROLE: contrarian
HOBBY: trying to convince people he's not addicted to WoW
FAMILY STATUS: Married. Two kids.
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Berzerkrz
CHARACTER SKETCH: Likes to play Devil’s Advocate. Complete football addict. In college, was well-known for thriftiness.

Coming soon: the remainder of the PFL and some miscellaneous Parkerites.

Spinning-my-wheels Sun. - Here a nick,there a nick?

When I started the whole nickname thing for the blog, I did it mainly because it amused me. However, as I tried to apply it, and have come across so many nicknameless friends, I have discovered something.

I stink at coming up with nicknames.

Stopping to look at all of the pre-existing nicknames for my friends, I realized that the majority of them were bestowed by someone else: Flunky was result of my Grandmother; Zinger the result of an amusing anecdote; Dr. G'ovich was the result of one very odd night in Parker which also resulted in my moniker Electric Toad; but I had little, if any, hand in any of them. Some others were self-selected: The Wiz, Rose Hips the Enforcer, Honey Buns the Informant, Fellow Book Monkey and Blogger Bubblegum Tate (at least the Bubblegum Tate part) to name a few. About the only nick I can remember coming up with for sure is The Wiz's former moniker of "Joe." Not the most creative nick, I grant you, but there was a story behind it. I may also have had a hand in Flunky's "Nature Boy" nickname, but that very easily could have been someone else, it's been far, far too long to remember distinctly.

Still, this nicknaming deficiency had never come to the foreground before since, honestly, how often do you get called upon to generate a new, clever, and usable nickname? But now this odd gap in my creative matrix is driving me crazy.

Let me use one the Parkerites as an example: the wife of the man known as The Eskimo. The Eskimo's nick has been around for ages, and I have no clue where exactly it originated. As far as I know, his spouse has none. I don't feel comfortable referring to her only in context of her marriage to him, i.e. "The Eskimo’s Wife." It's one thing for me to call Flunky's wife Flunky Lover, since she came up with it herself and I thought it was funny (plus, the only nick I knew of for her was what Flunky used to call her back in the day: Snoop, as in Dogg), but to just stick the label of so-and-so's wife on someone effectively marks them as an afterthought to anyone reading this.

But what are my options? Yes, I know stuff about her: she lived in Parker, she's an engineer, she has a sister, she does photography, she just had her first kid, etc. But none of that resonates strongly enough to generate a nickname, and I don't know any funny or embarrassing-but-not-too-embarrassing anecdotes to inspire me, and, and . . . and why the heck do I care so much about the stupid nicknames anyway?

Well, aside from the borderline OCD aspect, I suppose it's because on some level, even though they were only intended to be funny, I really want the nicknames to hold some sort of meaning. Call it the writer in me. But the best nicknames are inspired by the moment, crafted out of circumstances beyond your control, not just thrown together in an instant because I need to talk about X and have no other way to refer to him/her. I don’t want to just go “Gee, I need to mention this guy, let’s see, he’s a fireman, let’s call him, um, I know, The Fireman*!” Or, at least, I don’t want to do that anymore.

Still, there’s some hope. After a couple of social outings with The Singles yesterday, I now have nicknames for at least two previously un-nicked people. They may not carry out into the outside world at all, but they amuse and satisfy me, and that’s enough to quiet the OCD-nicknaming monkey on my back. I have a feeling that from now on, anytime I’m around any of the nicknameless ones, I’m going to be on an eagle-eyed lookout for anything that might qualify as inspiration. “A-ha! She just stubbed her toe, from now on she’ll be known as Stubby!”

And if you think I'm getting hung up on the nickname thing, wait till you get a load of my “assigning everyone roles” difficulties . . .

Needless to say, the Cast of Characters list might be delayed a bit.

I love to mix in circles, cliques, and social coteries

Back when I was just a silly young monkey, I was a bit of a social outcast, largely due to what has come to be known to some as my "outsider complex." In short, 95% of the time my paranoid brain would pick apart any social situation and convince me that I wasn't really wanted, and my resultant behavior would turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy. By the time I reached college, I had fallen out of contact with every person I knew back in high school. Which is why I sometimes look at my current life and marvel at the fact that nowadays I actually have three groups of friends to split my time between . . . and I only feel like an outsider 5% of the time! Oh, how the tables have turned! Take that, younger, insecure self!

For the most part there's no overlap between the three groups. Some members of Group A are familiar with members of Group B, and vice versa, but Group C has been pretty much quarantined so far. In order to give some context to future posts which are sure to reference these groups, I'm including the following primer to the weird and wonderful world that is Todd's Friends.

Disclaimer: I shall do my best to refrain from referring to anyone by their real names, and will instead be relying on code names, both pre-existing and newly created. This is partially to preserve their anonymity, but mostly because it amuses me to refer to my friends by names like Zinger, Flunky, and Rose Hips the Enforcer.

And now, without further ado, TPWAMFOALWUUTPWTRTB!*

Group A --- "The Parkerites": This group is named for Parker Hall, my home for the first two years of college. The three OCD roomies mentioned in a previous post (who shall for the nonce be known as Flunky, Wrath, and Dr. G'ovich) are all Parkerites, although none of us roomed together until after we moved out of the dorm. While the Parkerite label could be applied to anyone from the dorm, in this context I'm mainly talking about the small group with whom I still have some semi-regular contact (thank heavens for Instant Messenger and email). This group is comprised of former Parker residents, the spouses of former Parker residents, and the friends of spouses of former Parker residents.

For a while a good portion of us lived in the general DFW vicinity, with a large number residing in Plano, but that number has dwindled quite a bit in recent months. I see one couple (Zinger and Pooh-Bear Parrothead) every month or so, and the rest of the gang at the annual Labor Day Fantasy Football draft and again at Squatchtoberfest. We're quite a grab bag of careers: primarily engineers, teachers, and computer types, with an accountant, a veterinarian/comedian, and a couple of prospective coal miners thrown in for good measure. This group is primarily responsible for helping me break out of my shell (by way of a nervous break down), which in a roundabout way has lead to this blog, so I leave it up to you, dear readers, to decide if they deserve credit . . . or blame.

I'm not sure which weirds me out more about this group: the fact that I've been friends with most of them for over a third of my life now, or the fact that most of them are now married with kids.

Number of Firefly converts in this group: 5, with one possible convert pending.

Group B --- "The Book Monkeys": I've got a wide range of nicknames for this group and its various sub-groups, but I think "Book Monkeys" suits it best. After all, it was my association with this group that led to my fascination with monkeys. The Book Monkeys are former employees of the OSU Interlibrary Services Department, and their significant others. Again, I apply this label mainly to those who still keep in contact with me.

While many of the Parkerites have migrated to Texas, most Book Monkeys are still Okies. A few of us have gotten together on occasion for trips to Six Flags. The last such grouping consisted of six of us, who The Wiz (a resident of Austin and fan of the SxSW festival) dubbed Six by Six Flags, or SxSF, which I, in turn, then appropriated for the name of one of the books for my Infinite Monkeys Press webpage. In fact, it was the Book Monkey message board created by The Wiz which spawned IMP in the first place, so I guess they should share some of the credit/blame with the Parkerites for inspiring my adventures in blogging.

Not nearly as large a percentage of "married with children" members in this group, and, sadly, I hardly get to see most of the ones who are very often. In an odd bit of synchronicity, the Book Monkey who calls himself Bubblegum Tate (the sole fellow comic book geek out of all three groups) recently found himself embroiled in the dangerous world of blogging at the behest of his wife.

Number of Firefly converts: 0, but only because 5 of them discovered the joy of Firefly on their own.

Group C --- "The Singles": The final group is my Sunday School class, which is aimed at singe adults from their 20s to mid-30s. Guess which side of the range I'm on.

This group is the most fluid of the three, partly because of the nature of the class (both as a Sunday School class in general and a class aimed at singles in particular), but also because, unlike the other two groups, I'm still actively involved in the unifying factor. I moved out of Parker in 1995, and left ILS in 2001, so those connections are pretty much fixed. But with the Singles class, there are only two people left from when I started three years ago, and I've been able to stay in touch with very few of the married or moved. The constant flux of members results in a constant flux in the social dynamic as well. It's a vastly different climate now than when I started, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Unfortunately, there's going to be another big shift in the class soon, as at least six members will be leaving thanks to two weddings and relocation.

Number of Firefly converts: only 1 (the inimitable Papa Lightbulb), but I think he's more rabid than all of the others combined, much to his wife's chagrin (I think Mama Lightbulb should just be glad that he hasn't tried to suggest they name their son after Mal, Jayne, or Wash).

So, that's my social world in a nutshell, barring a former co-worker or two here and a former high school chum there. Stay tuned for more entries in the "Everything you didn't care to know about Todd but he didn't wait for you to ask" series such as "What songs do I associate with what people?" and "Yeah, so we lived/worked/worshipped together, but what else do we have in common?"


Oh, and one more thing: only 12 more days till Serenity (the Firefly movie)!
Oh, and one more one more thing: bonus Infinite Monkey points to whoever can name the source of my post title without using the Internet or being known as The Wiz

*The People Who Are My Friends, Or At Least Were Up Until The Point When They Read This Blog