Yes, I'm Alive (No Thanks to Shack-Fu . . .)

As often happens, time off for the holidays has thrown off my blogging momentum. But, since many of my regular readers have been otherwise occupied by holiday travel, I doubt my posting has been missed all that much.

My biggest news of the day is that, exactly six months following the initial injury, I had my final post-operative check-up today*; my hand surgeon said everything seems to be healing well internally, and the physical therapy sessions have been showing diminishing returns so I don't have to worry about those anymore either. Which means I might soon be done paying medical bills, and will be able to put that extra money towards paying off some of my other bills.

As for my subject line, well, there's a story there, but one that will require me to download some pictures from my phone which document my best bud's kidnapping of me in B.A.R.T.** on New Year's Eve when he transformed from Cap'n Shack-Fu to Super Tiger Dragon Hyper Action Rescue Hero Edition Shack-Fu, now with more Fire-Fighting Action^tm .


*Quoth Zinger when I told him the news: "Next time, have PigPen break a more easily healed part of your body."
**Bad Ass Rescue Truck for those of you with short memories

¡Amigas No Mas; Ahora Son Las Muchachas Culpables!

Once upon a time in the land of The Singles, whenever someone mentioned "the girls," they were generally talking about the three roomies known as The Three Amigas (Angel, Princess, and Smooth Money's Girl) and the Honorary Amiga, Trouble. However, now that two of the Amigas are married, and new girls have been added to the dynamic, there has now emerged a group which is serving as a female counterbalance to HyperForce 3000. The core of this group are the three roomies Angel, Cap'n Cluck, and Doc Jetson, plus Trouble and Mei-Mei; sure, some of the other girls in the class may get roped in from time to time, but it is these five mischievous souls who are serving as HyperForce's foils.

My first real clue that a new force was aligning against us came with the infamous finger-shaped meatloaf delivered by Angel et al following my surgery

Can't you just hear the maniacal giggling as they fix their sinister dish?

Post-surgery, but pre-Orange-Power cast Cap'n Neurotic wonders to himself "What fresh hell is this?"

The Twizzler veins were my favorite touch

And then there were the t-shirts they made for themselves just a week or two later, each shirt featuring their individual names crowned by a halo, as a contrast to the much larger logo they bore:

Little did any of us realize just how appropriate those shirts would be at the time, but it wasn't long before a series of pranks perpetrated by the crew earned them their new nickname courtesy of Cap'n Peanut, a name that will grace the new series of posts recounting the prank war, starting with tomorrow's entry "Beading Us Up: Rise of the Guilty Girls!"

It Puts the Lotion on Its Skin, In Hopes Its Finger Will Bend Again

For the next few weeks I'll be doing physical therapy for my finger Tuesday and Thursday afternoons after I get off of work. My initial evaluation was a couple of days ago, at which point I discovered that my recovering middle finger is about 1 cm bigger in diameter than the other middle finger. I also had confirmed that I haven't quite regained full range of motion in the ring and pinky fingers of the same hand, although their slight resistance to full motion is only a matter of a few degrees, whereas the big troublemaker has between 60-70 degrees of improvement before it's close to being normal* again.

To facilitate this, I've been given a series of exercises to do three to four times a day. First there is a series of stretches at the joints; I'm supposed to start out doing sets of 10, and then work my way up. Next, there is the "tendon glide" exercise, which resembles this image


except my instructions were to go A-D-A-B-A-E-A-C, all of which counts as one rep. I'm also supposed to apply copious amounts of hand lotion in order to massage the area around the scar for about 3-4 minutes 3-4 times a day in order to flatten out and break up the scar tissue. Then, once an hour I'm supposed to raise my hand above my head an open and close it in order to get the blood pumping and reduce swelling; three to four times a day I'm supposed to follow this up by propping my elbow on a towel, applying more hand lotion and massaging from my fingertip down to my forearm for 3-4 minutes, which is also supposed to help with improving circulation and reducing swelling. Sounds like a blast, huh?

My second appointment is this afternoon; we'll see much progress has been made in the whole two days since I started.

*Normal

Fractured Finger Friday - Innocent Bystander

Went in for my latest post-op checkup this morning. Apparently, my wonderfully cooperative body decided to react to the surgery by having more scar tissue build up than usual, which has caused the middle joint of my middle finger (otherwise known as the joint which should not have been effected at all by the surgery) to be much less bendy than it should be. At present, I can't even bend it 90 degrees without grabbing hold and yanking hard with the other hand, and even then it doesn't quite want to make it. After experimenting with similar finger cranking tactics, the doctor declared that what we had here was a case of an innocent bystander being negatively effected. So now I get to go to physical therapy and let them push, pull, yank, tug, mash, bind, and do Dox knows what to my stubborn little finger to get it to behave normally.

Who knows; before the year is up I might be able to make a fist again.

This is a Subliminal Blog Post

Feeling kind of stream-of-consciousness today; I blame warring allergy medications.

Went to the doctor last Wednesday for the latest check-up, and I'm happy to say that I'm am currently without a splint of any kind on my finger. It is taking some getting used to, though; I've become so used to avoiding using that finger while typing that I have to consciously will myself to use it. I'm still not able to bend the middle joint all the way, or the top joint hardly at all, but I'm working on it. Of course, now that I no longer have the splint on, if the lack of bendiness in the fingers result in my accidentally flipping somebody off, they're probably not going to be quite as understanding -- at least until I explain and show them my scars.

A couple of weeks ago Cap'n Shack-Fu's deployment was modified so that he and his supervisor would be rotating between here and OK every two weeks, which was welcome news to The Singles in general, and HyperForce 3000 in particular. And, as I had hoped, once back in town Taskmaster-Fu did indeed make sure that I actually got off my lazy butt and headed to the gym, for which I was thankful. Unfortunately, the Shackster's two week stay in Denton turned into a week and a day as his supervisor became ill and he was sent back to relieve her until she recovers. With luck, the rotation will resume once she's feeling better. In his absence, apparently Cap'n Peanut has appointed himself as interim taskmaster; just minutes ago I received the following text message from him: "This is a subliminal message: you will work out today." He's a sneaky one, that Peanut.

I tell you, as soon as I stop hemorrhaging money due to paying off surgical costs, my first order of business will be going to see an allergist; I've been completely miserable the last couple of weeks, and it's getting really, really old really, really fast. After a weekend filled with constant sneezing and sinus headaches I actually made myself stay home last night instead of going to cheer on PigPen and the FBCD Men's Softball team.

In honor of the Fall season, next Tuesday will see the return of TV Tuesday. In theory, at least. With luck, I won't be experiencing any more strange VCR malfunctions like the one last night that messed up the recording of Chuck and the first 10 minutes of Heroes . Thanks goodness for NBC hosting the episodes online for free.

As long as we're on the subject of new TV shows, I will say that I really enjoyed the new Kelsey Grammer sitcom Back to You (FOX, Wednesday, 7:00), and that the new sitcom The Big Bang Theory (CBS, Monday, 7:30) shows potential. Other new shows I'm planning on trying out this week:

• Chuck (NBC, Mondays, 7:00, pilot available online)
• Journeyman (NBC, Mondays, 9:00, pilot available online)
• Reaper (CW, Tuesday Sept. 25, 8:00)
• Private Practice (ABC, Wednesday, Sept. 26, 8:00)
• Bionic Woman (NBC, Wednesday, Sept. 26, 8:00)
• Moonlight (CBS, Friday, Sept. 28, 8:00)

Of course, the new show I'm most excited about which has garned all sorts of critical awards and looks to be smart, funny, and slightly off-beat and so won't last more than three, four weeks tops, is Pushing Daisies, which will premiere on Wednesday, October 3.

I unfortunately missed out on a b-day party for Cap'n Cluck last Friday which included a game of Balderdash which added a few new words to the group vernacular; apparently, "quop" is the new "mohoohoo," or at least so it seemed to me the next time I was around the group, where it was "quop this" or "quop that" or "do you quop?" Luckily, Maverick had filled me in on the details earlier so I didn't feel too far out of the loop. Still, hate missing out on the genesis of such a wide-spread inside joke.

Apparently, Trouble has decided that my adventures in finger fracturing sounded like tons of fun, and has fractured her thumb, as well as spraining her wrist.

And it looks like the consciousness stream has run dry for the nonce.

Fractured Finger Friday - Visual Aids

You would think that getting out of the cast and being able to type with both hands again would have galvanized me into picking up the blogging slack but alas, that has not proven to be the case. Plus, today I have one blue whale sized headache, so don't expect this to be too long.

On Wednesday I was able to take a shower without a bag over my arm for the first time in a month; what a glorious way to start the day. Of course, this was quickly followed by me learning that my insurance company may not be covering as much of my surgery costs as I had originally thought, so, yeah, a nice way to bring me crashing back down to earth there.

While there are many, many reasons I wish my good pal Cap'n Shack-Fu was back here instead of being stationed in OK, right now the reason that tops my list is that if he were here he'd be dragging my fat butt off of the couch and kicking it all the way to the gym. I desperately need motivation to get started working out again after all of my injury-related down time.

Yesterday at work someone was asking me about how my recovery was going, and I mentioned that I was going to have to start doing some minimal physical therapy for the finger. Another coworker overheard this and decided to make something to help me out with that:

Yes, it's a mini-dumbbell, complete with tape to stick it to my finger.

And as long as we're doing visual aids, here are the only pictures available of the Orange Power cast, courtesy of my cell phone.


Loverly, ain't it?

Fractured Finger Friday - Return of the Bird

Got the Orange Power cast removed on Friday, much to the dismay of everyone who had turned making sport of the thing their primary source of amusement. There were very few additions to the list of jokes about the cast since my last post, although at least two people did refer to my crab hand, my uncle made a crack about not being able to put a finger on what was different about me, and PigPen made a big production about asking me "Hey, can you give me a hand? Get it? A Hand!?!?! Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Man, I crack myself up." With the removal of the cast and pins, I am now back to a single finger splint, although one which is a bit more obtrusive in design than my previous splint, which means I will now be flipping people off even more than before.

I did have a bit of a scare when I went in for my appointment. The nurse looked at my chart and said "You're early; this says you don't get that taken off until September 29th." I think my sleep-deprived mind might have snapped if that had been the case.

As happy as I was to lose the cast, my first few days without it have taken some readjustment as I've had to deal with stiff and sore joints as well as painful reminders that I no longer have large quantities of bandages cushioning my recovering finger from my own clumsiness. But at least I can type with both hands again, which is a blessing.

I'm to keep the finger pretty much immobilized for a week, at which point I can start doing minor physical therapy on the joint three times a day for a couple of weeks, at which point I'll go to my next appointment and find out just how successful my healing process has been. Personally, I'm just ready for the time for me to lose my bandages to roll around so I can stop showering with a plastic bag over my hand.

Fractured Finger Friday - Poking Fun

Although my unfortunate injury, subsequent surgery, and long-term recovery have caused a slowdown of blogging, thus plunging you long distance blog monkeys into painful Todd-withdrawal, for those who are in more immediate contact with me my pain and misery have provided endless hours of amusement.

• After my finger was put into a splint to keep the bone from dislocating any more, I was constantly being chastised by Cap’n Peanut, who maintained that as a Sunday School teacher I shouldn’t be flipping people off.
  
  
• Remember how I said that some of the girls had offered to fix me dinner? I should have known there’d be a catch, but I don’t think I would have ever in a million years guessed exactly what that catch would be: my dinner was a meatloaf* in the shape of a finger, complete with crumbled cracker fingernail, aluminum foil stitches, needle and thread, and, the pièce de résistance, red and blue Twizzler veins emerging from a hole at the end. As soon as Cap’n Cluck sends me the pictures she took I’ll be sure to post them.
  
  
• Following my surgery, I had to keep my hand constantly elevated to avoid swelling. That first night as I sat at my computer, arm resting on top of my head, PigPen walked by, stopped, and said “Yes, Todd, you have a question?” He would not be the only one to use this gag; in fact, a week later I would be called on in a meeting at work for the same reason.
  
  
• When it came time to choose a color for my hard cast, I was true to my word to fellow OSU fan PigPen and selected orange. Over the next few days, my friends were glad to inform me of everything my brightly colored burden qualified me for: going hunting without a vest, guiding traffic, guiding airplanes, working in a construction zone, etc. I have also been informed multiple times by co-workers how much it clashes with my work clothes, and every third person to see me asks if it glows in the dark.
  
  
• For reasons I shan’t get into here, last Saturday night I was doing the chicken dance; when it came time to clap my hands, I instead slapped my good hand against my chest which, for some reason, struck PigPen as the funniest thing he’d seen all day, requiring him to then do his impression of me several times at church and lunch the next day.
  
  
• The other day at work one of the student workers walked up, placed his plastic Captain Hook prosthetic on top of the cast, and walked off.
  
  
• Most people are incredulous when they find out that my horribly large and bulky cast is because of a single broken finger, but Zinger’s line is my favorite response so far: “if you’d broken a bone any further down, they probably would have put you in traction.”
  
  
• At the end of church services each week, we are asked to stand and join hands with the person next to us as we sing the closing hymn. This week, Cap’n Shack-Fu was on my right, causing him to exclaim “Great, why do I get the gimp hand?” He then proceeded to grasp me by the thumb.
  
  
• Kookamama’s response to hearing I broke my middle finger: “What, were you flipping too many people off?” Surprisingly, so far she’s the only one to make this particular comment.
  
  
• While my new Orange Power cast leaves my thumb and index finger free, allowing me greater gripping capabilities than the previous arrangement which blocked the index finger off, the bulkiness of the cast still makes certain activities problematic, such as tying my shoes. During my first horribly frustrating attempt to do so, PigPen came to my rescue – of course, as soon as he was done he patted me on the head and started talking to me in the same tone of voice he uses when he talks to his nephews on the phone. “There you go, got your big boy shoes all tied. Who wants a popsicle? Who wants a popsicle?”
  
  There were, of course, no popsicles.
  
  
• While hanging out at Shack-Fu’s house the other night, I had some difficulty getting his recliner to recline, since the lever was on the right side. After helping me with that, my good pal decided to treat me like an invalid, shoving food in my mouth while I was talking to PigPen on the phone**, maniacal and mischievous grin plastered across his sleep-deprived face the whole time***
  
  

Of course, there are numerous examples of times when people ask me if I want to go do something I can’t (“Want to go swimming? Go bowling? Play disc golf”?) or merely laugh heartily at my one handed fumblings (trying to open bottles, trying to sign name, trying to eat, etc.), all of which prompted Cap’n Cluck to thank me heartily on Sunday for breaking my finger and undergoing surgery just to provide them all with ample entertainment.

*When PigPen asked if he could take some with him to work for lunch, I was torn. On the one hand, without him, I wouldn’t have been receiving a home cooked meal from Angel, Cluckity, and others. On the other hand, I wasn’t sure I wanted to support the “if I break one of Todd’s bones I get free food” idea that was sure to result.
**Upon being told that Shack was force feeding me, PigPen began to yell through the phone “Feed him Dr. Pepper! Make him drink Dr. Pepper!” He’s one sick individual, that PigPen.
***The details of why Shack-Fu was back in town and sleep deprived will have to wait until some other time, but suffice it to say that he is beginning to suspect that FEMA is actually just a huge conspiracy calculated to drive him over the edge.

Still Typing One Handed, and It's Still a Pain

Had my post-op check-up on Friday. Good news: everything seems to be healing nicely. Bad news: in order to make sure it keeps healing nicely they put me in a hard cast that reaches almost to my elbow, leaving only my thumb and index finger free. As cumbersome as the cast is, I wouldn't mind it anywhere near as much if it weren't for the metal pins still in my finger which I can often feel getting caught on the gauze under the cast. Kind of hard to concentrate on other things when there's a couple of pieces of metal protruding from your skin, even when you can't see them -- or maybe especially when you can't see them . . . although, actually looking at them while they were changing out casts and removing stitches was more than a bit distracting. Anyone interested in seeing pictures of my mutilated, pin-riddled hand which I quickly took with my camera phone after they took my stitches out can email me; I've opted not to insert them into the blog in deference to the more squeamish blog monkeys out there.

Lots of injury related jokes at my expense to relate, but don't feel like hunt-and-pecking them out right now. With luck I'll be pin-less and cast-less by the middle of next week, and can then resume having to come up with other excuses for not blogging.

Bye Bye, Birdie?

In approximately 4 hours from when I post this I shall be going under the knife to have my broken and dislocated right middle finger repaired; consequently, this may be the last blog post I do for a bit. Granted, Cap'n Bubbles has graciously offered to transcribe my ramblings into blog form for me, but considering how many drafts some of these go through, I can't imagine making anyone suffer through my indecisive proofing.

As part of the surgery preparations, I was instructed multiple times not to eat or drink anything at all after midnight. Then, last night I got a voicemail from the anesthesiologist telling me that since my surgery was in the afternoon, he would let me eat a very light breakfast before 6 AM, and allow me to drink clear liquids up until 7:30. Which was nice, except I didn't wake up until, oh, 7:40 or so, and thus missed out on the generous extension of my food/drink intake timeframe.

And speaking of food, I just got an email from Angel, saying that she and some of the other girls were thinking about me and are planning to bring me dinner tomorrow night, which is cool. Even cooler was the subject line of her email, which is now the subject line of the blog post.

But, although having dinner tomorrow provided tomorrow will be nice, what would be even nicer is actually having food in the house for every other meal for the next few days, so I shall now post this and make a quick run to the store so I can be back home and ready for Squiggly to chauffeur me to the surgeon in Lewisville.

Anarchy at Applebee's: an Evening With Cap'n Bionic, Li'l Weirdo, and Swamp-Fu

Wednesday night my best bud Cap'n Shack-Fu was actually in town for the first time in weeks so the Singles got together at Applebee's for dinner with him before he had to move on again. My roomies, Cap'n Cluck, and I were the first ones to arrive, and as we were being seated I noticed that one of my co-workers* was just a few tables over so I went over to say hi. She and her dinner companion were regaling me with tales of people they knew who had similar injuries to their finger and who had had horrible recovery experiences due to loss of use and the need for multiple surgeries; it was while having these nice uplifting thoughts put into my head that Shack-Fu and Fluffy showed up. Shack-Fu saw me and came running at me full tilt, arms open, crying out "Toooooooooooooooooooodd!!" before nearly knocking me over with his enthusiastic hug. My co-worker would later comment on how unbelievably energetic Shack-Fu was; I told her she had barely seen anything.

While I was happy that we had a big group show up to dinner, the downside of having a large group like that is that you wind up having two or three separate groups operating in their own conversational worlds. Although, at times it's a blessing in disguise; not sure if the restaurant would have been able to handle it if Li'l Random had been seated right next to the rest of HyperForce 3000 instead of at the opposite end of the table where he spent most of the evening alternately entertaining and horrifying the girls around him with his randomness.

Overall, we were at Applebee's for about 2 ¹/₂ hours; luckily, since it was a Wednesday night it wasn't very busy, so we didn't have to feel guilty about monopolizing several tables. At one point I did notice that they had stopped sitting people near us if they could help it, but I'm sure that's just a coincidence, right?

Some highlights of the evening:

• After Li'l Random told me he was going to call me "Bionic," he then began to demonstrate what my bionic finger would be like, making the trademark slow-mo bionic sound effects as he picked things up. PigPen and I simultaneously began to mime a different action with the sound effects, an action I'm sure you can guess if you recall exactly which finger it is that's getting the screws put to it.
  
  
• Fluffy told us that Shack-Fu has a new nickname at his work after he had placed a 'Do Not Disturb, I'm Swamped" sign outside of his office: Swamp Thing.
  
  
  I see the resemblance . . .
  
  
• After Squiggly got a to-go box for her left-over chicken, some of the others decided to decorate it with drawings. Li'l Random drew a fanged face, spiked tale, clawed lags, and segmented stomach to turn the Styrofoam container into a dragon; then, one of the girls grabbed it, drew a bow and eyelashes on it, making it a very feminine dragon. Li'l Random took one look and declared "I shall name you Drusilla!" He then began to work the container to mimic a mouth, and began to woo himself in a falsetto voice. After a minute of this, he put the container down; I took one look at him and said "You were this close to making out with it, weren't you?" He nodded sheepishly, then grabbed the container again. Squiggly proclaimed that he was not making out with her to-go box. He said "Fast-forward to afterward!" and then had Drusilla speak again: "Oh, Li'l Random, you're such a good kisser!" "Oh, Drusilla," he replied, "you taste like chicken."
  
  
• While standing outside of Applebee's, Li'l Random McEvil suddenly grabbed Drusilla from Squiggly, ran down to the other end of the building, set Drusilla on the ground, and then zipped behind the building, cautiously peeking out from behind a bush. When Squiggly refused to give chase and demanded that he return with her food, the Random One crouched down to the ground and began to make Drusilla speak again; it was at this time that the back door of the restaurant opened up and a lady came out, giving Li'l Random a wary look. He bolted straight up and began to stammer out an explanation for his behavior, but the discerning Applebee's customer merely looked at him askance, muttered something, and kept on walking as our entire group died laughing at Li'l Random's embarrassing encounter. After retrieving Drusilla and rejoining the group, Li'l Random informed us what the lady had muttered at him: "Weirdo." And thus, was another nickname added to the list . . .
  

*The one who was the victim of my sweating overshare

Little Bit of This, Little Bit of That

• When I first brought home my X-rays showing the big ol' break in my finger, PigPen's immediate reaction was "Hey, I do good work*." I told him that yes, yes he did, and I would be sure to recommend him to all of my friends.
  
  
• Upon hearing that I was going to have a screw placed in my finger permanently, people usually do one of three things:
  
  1. Make a crack about the fun I'm going to have with metal detectors
  2. Make a pun involving the word "screw"
  3. Make a Six Million Dollar Man reference
  
  Option number three was favored by Zinger ("You going to go for the Six Million Dollar Man thing one body part at a time?"), Li'l Random ("I'm going to start calling you 'Bionic'."), and PigPen ("We can rebuild you; we have the technology. And tell Zinger I'll be preparing the next piece to be replaced soon.")
  
  
• One of the few up-sides to waiting around in doctors' offices for hour s just so that you can spend 5 minutes with the doctor is that you can get a lot of reading done. Almost finished the first book of Gregory Keyes' Kingdoms of Thorn and Bone series, which is shaping up to be just as interesting as his excellent Children of the Changeling books. Guess I should go pay my fines at the Public Library so I can check out the next two, although it might be cheaper to just go and buy copies elsewhere . . .
  
  
• Been trying to decide how I'm going to entertain myself at home while recovering from the surgery; really wishing I hadn't reduced my Netflix subscription now.
  
  
• Another contender for favorite comment on my TMI interview comes courtesy of Flunky, who opines that the overshares listed weren't all that bad considering who they came from. That's a positive comment, right? Right?
  
  
• Allow me a brief minute of comic geekery: While I loved portions of Joss Whedon's Astonishing X-men and thought Grant Morrison's New X-men had some really cool ideas, Ed Brubaker's Rise and Fall of the Shi'ar Empire is by far my favorite X-men story in ages -- not counting Peter David's X-factor run, which is its own private kind of awesome. We no return you to the non-comic-geek portion of your blog
  
  
• I finally tested out the "Watch Now" video on demand feature of Netflix and was pleasently surprised by just how well it worked, even if the film I watched was an incredibly low-budget horror flick shot on DV. Wish I would have tested it out earlier, since I now feel like I've been missing out on some of the value of my Netflix subscription.
  
  
• Favorite quote from the Lost panel at this year's San Diego Comic-Con:

  I would actually argue that were you to go back and look at season one, you would find more acts of violence that our guys committed on each other than violence that the Others committed on them,” Lindelof added. “But our guys are just a lot prettier. So, when Sawyer is like, punching you in the face, you're like ‘More, please. You're just so attractive. Do you want to take your shirt off while the beating continues?' But when Pickett or Friendly is beating you up it's like, ‘Oh this is brutal violence!' So, we promise that as the show moves forward if the violence stays intense it will only be perpetrated by catastrophically good-looking people.

• Not too long ago I finally bit the bullet and arranged my MySpace Top Friends list into something other than strict alphabetical order; of course, this led to PigPen's righteous indignation at being relegated to the #2 slot under Li'l Random. When I pointed out that I'm #17 on his own Top Friends list, he defended my placement there by informing me that every friend listed above me is either family or like family to him, apparently not realizing that (a) my point wasn't that I was bothered by being so low on his list** but rather that in the grand scheme of things he was relatively high on mine and (b) basically telling me "yeah there are 16 people that I care deeply about, and then there's you" wouldn't be all that effective a tactic in convincing me that he should be my #1 friend.
  
  
• It looks like PigPen has managed to postpone starting his new hours another week so that he can finish out the final week of softball season, which has made him happy; I'm sure once he realizes that this will also minimize the time he has to spend with post-surgery, whacked-out-on-pain-meds Todd he'll be even happier.
  
  
• PigPen's girlfriend's*** review of 300 after we watched it Tuesday night: "too much killing." Obviously, she was not the target audience, a fact that was driven home when some dust of the disc made it skip back and play the same sequence of the Spartans killing off wounded men three or four times in a row, making her exclaim "I don't want to see them kill him again!" Women, huh?

*Yes, PigPen was partially responsible for my injury; no it was not on purpose; yes, he expressed genuine remorse over it; no, that does not stop him from continually mocking me and using it as a reminder of what happens when you "mess with the bull"
**No, really -- everyone above me on his list is either kin, the PigPen equivalent of the Parkerites (i.e. friends he's known for years and years ) or his girlfriend, so I can't complain about any of them being ranked above me. Honestly, I'm just happy that he finally moved me above Dane Cook.
***Until I come up with a good nickname for her, it's either call her that or Squiggly's sister. Incidentally, PigPen is #2 on her Top Friends list as well, while she's #16 on his; just thought I'd throw that in there.

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me the News

Saw the hand surgeon today. At first they thought there might be a chance that I didn't need surgery but after redoing my X-rays and seeing that my fractured bone had slid even further out of place on the joint than it was in the first X-ray, the doc decided that surgery was really my only viable option. So, tomorrow afternoon I go in for my pre-op check-up, and then a week from tomorrow I go in for an outpatient procedure; basically, they're going to try to insert a screw to connect the two pieces of bone which were fractured and put the whole thing back into its proper place. Squiggly has kindly volunteered to be my chauffeur the day of surgery, since I doubt I'll feel up to driving after having them slice my hand open and do all sorts of medical hoodoo to it while I'm still conscious -- just thinking about it gives me flashbacks to when I got my wisdom teeth cut out *shudder*. I'll probably be in a cast for the first nine days or so with only my thumb and index finger free, which should make typing lots of fun, huh? And for those who thought my handwriting couldn't get any worse, well, prepare to be proven wrong.

Fractured Finger Friday

Just got back from my orthopedist who diagnosed me with "operative mallet finger." The operative word there is "operative," i.e. my next stop is a hand surgeon. My appointment is Tuesday morning in Lewisville; until then I just have to keep the finger in a splint to keep it from getting any worse. If I'm lucky, then they'll just have put a pin in; if I'm unlucky, they'll have to try to remove or repair the bone and tendons with surgery. Either way, it looks like I won't be engaging in any fisticuffs or sparring for quite a while.

Personally, I'm Curious About What Else Is on His "Life List" . . .

• Finally heard back from the doctor about my finger X-ray last night: it is indeed fractured, and the fracture involves the joint, somehow. I now get to go see an orthopedist sometime soon and see what they can do for me. Kicking myself for waiting so long to go to the doctor, since it's going to mean just that much longer before I'm fully healed and able to do stuff again.
  
  
• I got to visit with Cap'n Shack-Fu on the phone for a few minutes last night; unfortunately, poor Shack was so exhausted from his non-stop schedule that he was barely coherent. Not that I'm doing much better in the coherency department these days; my brain is mush, my blog monkeys. At least Shack-Fu has a good excuse.
  
  
• Favorite comment so far on the TMI interview comes courtesy of fellow Wyandottian, Earnie:

  Wow, I know someone almost famous with gastrointestinal issues. I can mark that one off of my life list :D

  Current runner up is Papa Lightbulb:

  Greatness, I am so proud of you that I am sweating.

• It looks pretty likely that in a couple of weeks PigPen will be starting a M-F 3PM-11PM shift, which means I will pretty much only see him on the weekends; kind soul that he is, he's offered to tape record himself making disparaging comments about me so that I don't go into insult withdrawal. What a pal, eh?
  
  
• Spent most of Saturday reading the final Harry Potter book. I enjoyed it, and was surprised that the character death which touched me the most was of one of my least favorite characters.
  
  
• Today's installment of the webcomic Real Life is funny because it's so true -- and it's made me want to try that show Greek. . . which, of course will be the kiss of death for it.
  
  

Fragmented Friday - "I feel like a dolphin who's never tasted melted snow"

Went to the doctor yesterday afternoon; not for my cold or allergies, but for the finger I jammed a few weeks back which doesn't want to heal. Had to go get an X-ray, but haven't found out the results yet. The doc said it could be a break, or a fracture, or a dislocation, or possibly just a bad case of a swollen joint. Taking some prettyy strong anti-inflammatory stuff, and am feeling a bit light-headed because of it. Joy!

Just got a blog hit for the following google search: "Complete the following song: Albania! Albania! You border on the Adriatic. Your land is mostly mountainous, And your chief export is ---." Now, that's one specific Google, ain't it?

Quick pellet reviews:

• Shooter: good action flick
• Transformers: pretty good brainless action flick, about three or four goofy/slapstick/over-the-top scenes they could have cut out and I'd have been happier
• The Last Mimzy: enjoyable enough family-friendly SF film
• Gravedancers: so-so horror film that only survives due to its cast
• Roman: not-so-scary horror flick that was worth it just for Kristen Bell's informational speech on how pork and beans are made. No, seriously.
• Black Snake Moan: strange but well done movie which is really all about a couple of damaged people helping each other heal from their past hurts
• Hudson Hawk: not nearly as bad as everyone thinks, although it's definitely not what I'd call high art; most of my enjoyment came from the scenes with the Candy Bar Crew, especially the (thankfully) silent David Caruso as KitKat. Film is also noteable as one of the few films I actually liked Andie McDowell in, and that's mainly for her willingness to do her dolphin call.
  

I forgot to mention that Diva has posted the challenge for the next round of Write in the Thick of It which is all about alliteration. If you feel like playing along, the deadline is Monday, July 23, at 10pm Central.

There's a possibility that, in the next couple of weeks, both of my roomies may move to working night shifts. On the upside, this will mean that most evenings I'll have sole control over the downstairs TV and DVD player, a definite boon since my own DVD player bit the dust a while back. On the downside, if it happens I'll be bereft of any roomie-inspired entertainment most of the time.

Mid-Week Ramblings

Some random tidbits today; I was tempted to split this up into a "karate-themed" post and a "non-karate-themed" post to pad my posting numbers, but finally decided to just alternate between them in the post. I bet you're all really glad I shared that useless information with you, huh?

• A couple of weekends ago Squiggly and I attended a "takedown and submission" workshop taught by the head of Red Tiger Karate. It was pretty cool, although I wish it had lasted a bit longer since we wound up rushing through everything so quickly that we barely had time to practice any particular move more than a couple of times. Still, it did confirm what I had suspected, which is that I would much rather be taking a grappling style martial art such as judo or jujitsu than karate; not that I don't enjoy karate, it's just that I think I'd enjoy the other styles more. Of course, until I can find a judo/jujitsu class that's as affordable as Red Tiger is, it's a moot point.
  
  
• For the first time since its inception oh so many weeks ago, I was unable to come up with a story to submit to Write in the Thick of It. I blame my assigned genre; whereas last time my assigned genre of "western" inspired me, this time around the assigned genre of "mystery" killed all creative juices. I wouldn't feel quite so bad about not entering something if it weren't for the fact that there was apparently a plague of writers block, resulting in there only being two entries: Redneck Diva and Hillbilly Mom. Today's your last day to vote for a winner; with luck, I'll be up to submitting something the next time around.
  
  
• In addition to PigPen, I have a new constant sparring partner: Cap'n Shack-Fu. You see, following our swimming pool grappling a few weeks ago, Shack-Attack has taken it upon himself to continually test my battle readiness. The evening after the "takedown and submission" seminar he had me show him some of the things we'd learned, as well as a couple of the self-defense moves from our regular karate class, before he decided it was time to run me through the Cap'n Shack-Fu Self-Defense Crash Course, much to the amusement of Squiggly who got to watch Coach Shack-Fu put me through my paces. Unfortunately, the fact that I jammed one of my fingers pretty badly last week* meant that Shack-Fu was unable to engage me in battle before heading off to OK as he obviously wanted to, which is a shame, really, since I was enjoying the fact that, for once, it wasn't me being the instigator.
  
  
• Later on today I'm going to have a phone interview with a reporter for MSNBC.com -- please note the ".com," which means that this will be an Internet article, and not something televised on MSNBC, as a few of the people I've told have assumed. As for why she's interviewing me, well, it's because of CoIM; in particular, my "Cap'n TMI" blog post, which ties into an article she's writing on people's tendency to overshare. I think there's probably a betting pool going on just how much I'm going to overshare during the interview.
  
  
• You know what the most difficult thing about karate is for me right now? It's not learning the kata or feeling comfortable with the techniques; it's not getting up to speed with the conditioning or enduring the constructive criticism of the instructors; it's not even the thought of having to perform my kata in front of an audience at the tournament or having to start sparring,**; no, the hardest part for me is not comparing myself and my progress to fellow white belt PigPen. I actually have done a pretty good job of just focusing on how much improvement I'm showing compared to when I started without trying to use anyone else as a measuring stick, but every once in a while that foolishly competitive side of myself rears its moronic head.
  
  
• Last night I updated the CoIM Cast List to include Cap'n Bubbles, as well as updating several people's nicknames, character descriptions, catch-phrases, and the like. I probably would have tinkered with it more but I got distracted by the siren call of new episodes of The Closer, Eureka, and Pirate Master, as well as the DVD of an excellent Indie horror flick Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon*** which is the first DVD I've been compelled to listen to the full commentary of in many many moons. So please, check out the updated list, but don't be too surprised if it gets updated again soon -- then again, don't be too surprised if it takes another three or four months to get updated. Because that's the way I roll.
  
  
• It's a little less than 4 weeks until our tournament, where I have to perform my kata in front of a whole bunch of people; it's kinda-sorta a competition, since they'll be awarding first and second place, but I'm going to do my best to just think of it as "something I've got to do in order to take my belt test."
  
  
• I'm experimenting with exposing different blog monkey groups to each other; on my recent Frilly's Friday I invited Li'l Random along so that he and Zinger could meet. Now, I've provided Cap'n Shack-Fu with Bubblegum Tate's phone number since Tate lives not too far from where Shack-Fu is stationed. The next step: having representatives from three different groups converge. Zinger has expressed concern that such crossing of blog monkey groups could cause some sort of rift in space and time, but I think we've concluded that as long as he and Bizarro-Zinger never meet, we should be okay.
  

*PigPen and Squiggly's Sis can testify to the load cracking sound it made when it happened, as well as to the not-nice-words which escaped from my mouth at the same time
**Both of which are just far enough away for me to be in denial about them
***I know there aren't many horror fans among you blog monkeys, but for those who are, I highly, highly recommend Behind the Mask. Funny and creepy, self-referential without being over-indulgent; think I might have just enough to say about it to resurrect Movie Monday next week . . . maybe.