Friday, December 15, 2006

This and That

As usual, randomness abounds.

  • People keep wanting me to clarify information in my posts. Silly blog monkeys, thinking I'll let little things like "the truth" and "facts" get in the way of a good story. But, in the interest of fairness, I suppose I should share that Squiggly says that she has indeed heard of Love Boat before, but just didn't recognize it at first. Of course, she says she only knew about it because her mom used to watch Love Boat: The Next Wave, which I think is almost worse than not knowing about the original at all

  • On a similar note, Mr. "Kicked Metal Siding Into the Sarge" wanted to make sure everyone knows that he wasn't trying to kick the siding into her, just kick it out of his way so he could get a shot at her before she got into mercy killing range. So, my estimation of him as a gentleman has gone up a few notches; my estimation of him as a badass paintballer on the other hand . . .

  • Speaking of paintball, Shack-Fu has suggested that I become their official chronicler, sort of an embedded reporter of sorts. Of course, he also suggested that when we do so he remove the orange vest of neutrality from my attire, making me wonder if he's just not looking for excuses to shoot me.

  • In an attempt to stave off my ever increasing waist size, I've opted to start working out with Shack-Fu and another new Single, Li'l Dill Wonderboy*. Shack-Fu, the orchestrator of their work-out program, has promised to demonstrate just how much he appreciated my recounting of his Fetal Position style of kung-fu, said promise being followed by a maniacal laugh and ominous clap of thunder. How maniacal was the laugh? You be the judge.

    But threats of physical torture aside, Shack-Fu is lobbying for a special "The Legend of Shack-Fu" category; while an interesting idea, I'm afraid that not only is that a slippery slope, it might also incur the wrath of self-proclaimed Center of the Universe Cap'n Disaster if someone else got a special category before she did.

  • Today at work we had our office holiday party, complete with Secret Santa gift exchange. I had posted a wish list which included "CAPN'S approved foodstuffs" and "MASTER approved items." You should all be familiar with the Coalition Against Puttin' Nuts in Stuff by now, but the Movement Against Scented Things Entering Residences is a more recent addition to my repertoire. Of course, when I get to work, what do I find waiting for me as a gift but a scented candle. I thanked the gift giver for the thought, but explained that I was averse to such things; she responded "Well, give it your mom." I explained that such a gift might not be appreciated; somehow, robbing my dad of his ability to breathe doesn't really scream "Christmas" to me.

  • Last (and probably least) is this: contrary to popular belief (I'm looking at you, Li'l Dill), the life of a librarian bears little to no resemblance to the Noah Wylie movies, more's the pity.
*Li'l Dill learned very quickly the danger of revealing moderately embarrassing personal details around the Singles and how they can easily lead to moderately embarrassing nicknames . . . just not quickly enough.


Flunky lover said...

I can't imagine any guy who would want a scented candle. Next Christmas you'll have to get your gift giver a calendar filled with naked girls on cars. When she asks just innocently say it's for writing down important dates. Who doesn't like a calendar?