Wordy Wed: Pooh Ain't Afraid Of No Ghosts

Three guesses who still hasn’t read any books recently! I did start on Gregory Maguire’s Wicked: the Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West, in preparation for seeing the play next week. I also just got a bag of Robin Hobb books that Rocket G’ovich left for me at the Stoneheart household last time she was up. But there was also a little extra something that I discovered when I opened up the bag: a book emblazoned with the nightmare-inducing visage of David Blain. My reaction was automatic: “Curse you, G’ovich! Curse you!” Upon confronting Rocket, I learned the bitter truth: the David Blaine book was actually an artifact bestowed on them by Clan Flunky. The plot thickens! Flunky Lover says that the book was a gift for the G’ovich’s eldest child; Rocket claims that it was not meant for my eyes. And yet, there it was, in the bag, just waiting, silently gathering its malevolent force to burrow its way into my subconscious. Now, as faithful blog monkeys, you might be tempted to place the blame on Dr. G’ovich who has such a storied history of messing with your good Cap’n Monkey’s mind; however, a fact that I have not yet had the privilege of sharing with you is that Flunky Lover has a history of trying to affect individuals’ dreams through the use of subliminal tactics . . . and by “individuals” I do mean myself.

Back in college, F.L. decided to experiment with her mindbending techniques on yours truly, and was so confident in her prowess that she even told me she was doing it. Her goal: to make me dream of a certain, shall we say, “off-beat” dorm resident. I swore it would never happen; more fool I. I found myself confronted with traps everywhere I turned: pictures with the off-beat one standing in front of a bulletin board with the word “Dream” circled on it; letters addressed to me with the words arranged to form the off-beat one’s initials; constant questioning from F.L. about how I slept. But, paranoid and neurotic as I am, my will was strong, and I was able to fend off F.L.’s dastardly tactics. Until, that is, earlier this year when, in a moment of unconscious weakness, my guard was lowered, and the off-beat one made a cameo in a dream about the Parkerites. My first thought as I awoke: “Flunky Lover has won.” I considered hiding it from her, but knew that it would be of no use; the conditioning was too deep, and I was sure that all it would take was a carefully planted trigger phrase to get me to come clean. Yes, when I confessed that I had finally crumbled, she feigned ignorance, protesting that she had forgotten all about the dream scheme, but I knew it was all an act. And, after being confronted with the nightmare-provoking David Blain, I now realize that it was only the first step in the road to world domination, the road that would lead to The Spawn of Flunky.

Or, y’know, maybe the book just got put in the wrong bag.

Anyway, in lieu of any current book reviews, I’ll go ahead and give you the latest in my horror novel musings.

Once again, I’ll follow the structure from Monster Movie Mon. And, once again, I don’t have anywhere near as much source material to draw on.

WHO YOU GONNA CALL?

Following a strange electrical disturbance yesterday morning, Pooh-Bear Parrothead is fearful that her new house is haunted. Coronela and I have both assured her separately that her dogs would be sure to sense any evil spirits, but I don’t think she was too convinced. So, I dedicate the following ghostly novel reviews to Pooh and her phantom TV-turner-onner.

The Shining by Stephen King: One of my favorite novels, period.

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson: Excellent atmospheric ghost story. Do not judge it by the ill conceived 1999 movie version with Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Bag of Bones by Stephen King: One of the better of King’s more recent novels. Word of advice: read Daphne Du Maurier’s Rebecca before reading this one. It’s not strictly necessary, but there are quite a few references to it sprinkled throughout, and besides, Rebecca is an excellent book in and of itself.

Honorable mention: Expiration Date by Tim Powers: Not strictly a horror novel, but this fantasy by one of my favorite authors is all about ghosts. If you enjoy this one, be sure to check out Powers’ Last Call, about the mystical side of poker playing, and Earthquake Weather, a sequel which has the actors from both novels meeting up. And speaking of Powers, I forgot to mention his wonderful Stress of Her Regard in my vampire novel post. Although, I suppose the lamia in it is more of a vampiric spirit, rather than an out and out vampire, so maybe it fits in better here anyway. The big draw of this one for me was its historical setting, and its main characters: Lord Byron, Shelley, and Keats, who all draw their poetical inspiration from the lamia as it sucks out their life forces. Evil spirits and famous poets, what more could a genre-hound English major ask for?

THE ZED-WORD

Can't think of any outright "zombie" novels I've read. They might pop up as background for some voodoo doings, like in Tim Power's excellent On Stranger Tides or Larry Niven and Steven Barnes' California Voodoo Game, but out and out walking dead novels, I've read nary a one. I am, however, currently enjoying the heck out of Robert Kirkman's Walking Dead comic book, which follows a group of survivors in a Romero-esque post-zombie-apocalypse world. The advantage this serialized story telling format has to the Zombie films is its ability to delve deeper into the struggles of trying to rebuild society in the face of overwhelming horror; most zombie films, due to their limited time frame, end either on a horribly bleak, fatalistic note, or by resolving the immediate problem of the protagonists without addressing the larger situation.

The more I think about it, the more I’m sure that I don’t know of any plain ol’ zombie novels. If you know of any good ones (or good ghost stories, for that matter), post away.

TV Tues - Cat Fancy Magazine and a Blood-stained Clown Suit

And the winnowing continues! Have almost convinced myself to wait for DVDs on CSI and Without a Trace, and last night cemented the removal of one more sitcom from my roster. Which one? Read on, MacDuff!


Out of Practice: Within the first three minutes of the show, one of the characters likened the main character's comic book collecting to "dating kryptonite," saying that leaving a comic book out for women to see was as bad as leaving out Cat Fancy magazine and a blood-stained clown suit. And the geek bashing went downhill from there. As if I didn't have enough reasons to dump this show already. Thank you, Out of Practice, for making my decision much, much easier.

Gilmore Girls: While I'm more than ready for the Rory/Lorelei split to be resolved, I have to say that watching Rory transform from a Gilmore to a Gilmore has been interesting. I like that they didn't try to drag out the fish-out-of-water scenario; Rory is too competent for that to play well for long. Watching her take charge of the community service and D.A.R. felt right for the character. I'm looking forward to this week's episode when Emily and Richard finally find out just what went down between Logan's family and Rory.

How I Met Your Mother: NPH continues to be the best thing about this show. I give them points for not having him use "Suit up!" in this ep. Spread the catchphrases around, and they'll mean much more.

The Office: So far, this season hasn't lived up to the promise of the first six eps, IMO. Still, there are some great moments in each ep. My favorite moment of last week's ep can be summed up in one phrase: Pam-pong.

Veronica Mars: I'm a bit torn: on the one hand, I would love it if Keith became sheriff, if for no other reason than we didn't have to deal with the bumbling moron sheriff there is now. On the other hand, I enjoy Keith as the P.I., not totally bound by the rules. If they do decide to make him sheriff, I'm curious as to how it's going to affect Veronica's methods: will her dad make it easier for her, knowing she means well, or harder, since he has proven he can see through her tricks 9 times out of 10?

Lost: After a really strong season premiere, the show has floundered a bit in its subsequent eps. Still enjoying it, but something has felt a bit off.

Invasion: Okay, seriously, can somebody explain to me why this show has gotten such rave reviews? Anyone? Still not an awful show, but if I see one more ad that refers to it as the "best new drama of the season" I might have a breakdown.

Without a Trace: Good grief, enough with the angst already! I don't mind a little interpersonal drama in my procedurals; as a matter of fact, I prefer it. But to have every single character so miserable is not appealing in the least.

Smallville: After years of dancing around it, Lex is finally turning to the dark side . . . and I can't say I care for it. It's like the showrunners have decided that for Lex to be the full blown bad guy, he can't just be "evil"; no, he has to be Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil. He's so over-the-top now that I can't take him seriously.

Everwood: Ah, the obligatory Andy/Ephraim blowout-for-no-reason. Been a while since we've had one of those, good to see the characters are still willfully stubborn.

Threshold: I think this show struggles the most when it tries to do action sequences, which always feel cheap and amateurish. Which is a shame, because the concept keeps me hooked. I was glad to find out that they didn't really tell the cop the truth about what was going on; when it looked like they had, I was about ready to write the show off.

Numbers: Another "sophomore slump" show. The character dynamics feel off, and the Charley-talks-about-math scenes, instead of feeling natural, are overly staged. And poor Diane Farr, going from such a tightly written show like Rescue Me to a show which basically has her reduced to saying "Wow, math sure is neat, guys! Oh, and here's the bad guy’s profile" each week.

West Wing: The show has definitely bounced back from the slump that followed the loss of Sorkin, largely thanks to the renewed energy brought on by new characters; hard to complain about the new writers screwing the characters up if they're the ones who created them. And, speaking of screwing up the pre-existing characers, I think I can add something else to my list of things that drive me crazy: when characters I like fight with each other for no good reason. The Josh vs. Toby thing has gone on far, far too long. I do, however, love the inclusion of Janene Garofalo as the latest addition to Santos' campaign staff. My only regret is that she wasn't around during the Sorkin years, would have loved to have seen what he would have written for her. At the end of last season, I was torn between Vinick and Santos, but I've found myself rooting for Santos more and more. Part of it is the fact that Santos' staff and support comes from the long-standing cast, but part of it is how Vinick's campaign is going. The tone of "do whatever it takes to shake the other side up" has soured me on the Vinick camp.

Monster Movie Mon. - Bring Out Yer Undead!

Well, even though I actually got some movies watched this week, I feel compelled to continue with my Halloweeny horror film list. Today's list takes a look two other popular sub-genres: Ghost Stories and Zombies.

Hauntingly Good Films

The Shining: Redrum, redrum! One of those rare occasions where I can successfully separate my love of the book from my feelings towards the movie, probably because, as much as I love the book, I had fallen in love with the movie several years previous to reading it. The twin girls remain one of the creepiest things ever set to film. One mark of how successful this film is is the number of things that have made it into the cultural zeitgeist: Redrum, all work and no play, here's Johnny! Honorable mention goes to the TV mini-series version, which was much more faithful to the book, and is only really marred by a horrible casting choice for the little boy. But man, the croquet-mallet scene still makes me hurt to think about.

Poltergeist: Forget the vastly inferior sequels, this movie kicked butt. Home to one of the other creepiest things in film: the killer clown doll. This one got to me as a kid, probably because so many of the things that go after the family are informed by their fears: clown doll, spooky looking tree, etc. I always think of this as a Spielberg film, since he wrote it, but it was directed by Tobe Hooper of Texas Chainsaw Massacre infamy. Very informative about the dangers of building on ancient Indian burial grounds, I think they should show it to all land developers as a cautionary tale.

Ghost Story: Another vastly-different-from-the-book film that I discovered ages before I read the source material. Again, it's probably best that I did, because man, are they two different beasts; the film is a pretty straight-forward "wronged spirit seeking revenge" story, while the book is . . . something else entirely. In addition to be an entertaining story with some spooky moments, this film is notable for being the final film role of Melvyn Douglas, Douglas Fairbanks Jr., and Fred Astaire.

House: A great haunted house story that I haven't seen in far, far too long. I mean, with a cast that includes Norm Peterson, Bull Shannon, and The Greatest American Hero, how can you go wrong? Very tongue-in-cheek, very funny.

Candyman: Based on a great short story by Clive Barker, which I didn't realize until I was watching it and thought "boy, this is a lot like something I read once . . ." This is the film that introduced me to Tony Todd, one of the creepiest men alive. Thanks to my old roomie Wrath teh Berzerkr's spot-on impression of the title character’s creepy voice calling after the lead actress, I will always think of this movie anytime I meet someone named Helen. Avoid the horrible sequels at all costs.

Movies with Braaaaaains. Braaaaaaaaaaaaaains!

Before I get into the films themselves, I'd just like to say that, while I know that there is a huge following for them, I have never been as big a fan of zombie flicks as I have most of the other sub-genres. Think a lot of the zombie-followers lean more towards the gore-hound side of the horror movie fan-base. And I have little opinion on the whole slow-moving vs. fast-moving zombies debate; I've enjoyed films of both types. I tend to enjoy the zombie films which focus more on character development and/or which have a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor about themselves. And before any one asks, I'm including Shaun of the Dead in my Top 5 Horror Comedy list, which is why it's not here.

Dawn of the Dead: The slow-zombie original, not the fast-zombie remake. Not to say that I didn't enjoy the remake (it barely missed making the Top 5), but the original is one of the best zombie films around. Manages to be funny without going over the top, and also has some extremely creepy moments.

28 Days later: My favorite of the fast-zombie films. I know that there’s some debate about whether or not it’s really a zombie film, since the people are victims of a rage-inducing virus and not necessarily walking dead, but to me, since it follows all of the basic zombie film tropes, it be a zombie film. Like the best zombie films, this one is more about character study and development than scary moments, although there are plenty of those here as well. Borrows heavily from its predecessors (the military keeping a pet zombie is straight out of Romero's Day of the Dead) but still manages to maintain its own identity. I’m hoping that the upcoming sequel, 28 Months Later lives up to this one.

Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things: Over-the-top, wonderfully-cheesy B-grade zombie film. Remember, this is not a "best zombie films" list, it's a "favorite zombie films" list, and boy, I do love me some cheesy movies. This one revolves around a group of drama students (and if nothing else, the movie nails the personality traits of drama students) making a horror flick which accidentally results in the dead coming to life. Here's something odd I just discovered: the director, Bob Clark, who is staging a remake, is also responsible for directing an incredibly wide range of films, including the classic comedies A Christmas Story and Porky's, as well as the not-so-classic Rhinestone and the *shudder* Baby Geniuses franchise.

Re-Animator: Very few people do creepy and insane as well as my boy Jeffrey Combs here, and this is the film that put him on the map. Tongue-in-cheek tone and superior FX help make this one a classic. Enjoyed the sequels, but the original is still my fave.

Return of the Living Dead: Another one of those "should it go on the comedy list or not?" films. Again, even though this is a very funny zombie flick, I tend to think of it as a zombie flick foremost and comedy second, so that's what lands it here. Do not be fooled by the title, it has nothing to do with Romero's Night of the Living Dead. If I'm not mistaken, this is the film primarily responsible for the "zombies crave brains" trope.

Movie Mon. - The Good, The Bad, and The Ugh, Why Did I Watch That?

Finally got around to watching some DVDs (not to mention a second viewing of Serenity, this time with Zinger and Pooh-bear); of course, this means I'm now behind on my TV viewing. It's a vicious cycle, my dear blog monkeys, a vicious cycle. Almost as vicious as the experience I felt watching some of these stinkers *shudder*

Now, come, share my pain!

THE GOOD

The Man with the Screaming Brain: Low-budget B-grade film that is unapologetic about its nature; although it tries a bit too hard at times, it's overall an entertaining film for fans of the genre. Written by, directed by, and starring B-Movie star and cult icon Bruce Campbell as a stuck-up business man who first gets killed by a serial killer and then gets revived by a mad scientist. Features some funny performances by Stacy Keach and Ted "Joxer the Mighty" Raimi as the mad scientist and his bumbling, hip-hop obsessed assistant.

Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story: Made-for-DVD Family Guy movie. If you're a fan of the show, you'll like it: if not, then you probably won't. Being a fan, I did. I was surprised at just how restrained it was; I had expected the freedom of no TV censors to bring out the edgiest side of the writers. Highlight of the film for me was the Ferris Bueler's Day Off homage.

THE BAD

Assisted Living: Low-budget film about a worker in an assisted living facility. Just could not get into this one.

The Amityville Horror: Man, and I thought the original version and book were bad! So very glad I resisted the urge to see this one in the theater. Compressing the storyline removed all tension from the film, so that the final confrontation feels rushed. And the final shot . . . what the heck was up with that final shot? Spooky little ghost girl geting dragged into the floor; was that supposed to be scary? Set up a sequel? Make sense, even? Or just be "cool"? My money's on the last one.

THE UGH, WHY DID I WATCH THAT?

Satan's Little Helper: Low-budget horror film about stupid, stupid, stupid little boy who unwittingly helps out a serial killer. Just awful. The little kid was one of the more annoying characters I've seen recently, due to a combination of really horrible acting and an incredibly weak script. The movie also suffered from an inability to find a coherent tone. Biggest disappointment, though, was how criminally it wasted the talents of Amanda Plummer. Oh, Amanda, has your star really fallen so low that you're forced to partake in junk like this?

Larry the Cable Guy: Git-R-Done!: First, let me say that I have yet to see The Blue Collar Comedy Tour, so there might be some subtleties to Larry's act that escaped my newbie perceptions. After all, the entire audience roared with approval every time Larry uttered the titular phrase, so I'm sure there's some underlying grand comedic potential there, but for some reason the litany of "Git-r-done!" just left me cold. Nor did the voluminous praises heaped on Larry by the audience in the post-show testimonials make any sense to me: "Larry the Cable Guy is the funniest man I've ever seen! I laughed non-stop through the whole show! I want to have Larry's baby!" Were they watching the same, over-long, over-tired routine filled with heavily telegraphed jokes and unfunny "shocking" statements I was, or did they somehow get treated to an alternate universe Larry the Cable guy who was actually entertaining? To be fair, there were a few lines that made me laugh, but all in all, what a waste of time.

Parkerite Cast Update!

Following my Parkerite Cast List post, I did my periodic "Wonder if I can track down The Old Man through Google?" search. Lo and behold, this time it actually worked! I found a possible email address, sent an "Are you who I think you are?" email, and have just gotten a "It sure is" response. Turns out he and his wife now have three kids and have moved back to OK. Of course, this totally messes up the "his hobby is disappearing" joke, but I guess that's the price I have to pay. With luck, I'll get to actually see them in person before I hit 40.

Cast of Characters: Barrel of Book Monkeys

Well, feedback from the Parkerites on the first round of Cast descriptions has been mostly positive, or at least it's been mostly positive from the ones who are still speaking to me. I'm trying not to read too much into the deafening silence from others but, hey, Cap'n Paranoia here, can't really help it. And now, to prove that I have not yet learned my lesson and can never leave well enough alone, I give you round two of the Character lists!

Let's dive into the barrel of Book Monkeys.

Group 2: Book Monkeys

Formed from former co-workers in Interlibrary Services. The name is taken from the term some of the student workers coined for themselves. In addition to the roles in the Book Monkey group, each member has been assigned a role to fulfill in Insidious Evil’s bids for world domination (yes, that’s right, St. Flunky has competition).

Sub-group 1: The Core Four: Back in my ILS days, the majority of my social life revolved around activities with these three. If I were to name the group that’s been responsible for me laughing the hardest the most number of times, it’s a toss-up between Clan Stoneheart and this sub-group. Definitely the group that “gets” my sense of humor the most, probably the one around which I second-guess myself the least.

NICK: The Wiz
OCCUPATION: who can keep track?
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the impulsive one
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil lawyer
HOBBY: sending me emails about cool events in Austin that I can’t possibly go to
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: student worker/staff member
CHARACTER SKETCH: faithful Whedonite. Aspiring filmmaker. Person with the most similar taste in movies and TV to me. Responsible for me meeting actress Amber Benson and the members of the rock group Virgil. Only other Book Monkey to move to TX so far.

NICK: Rose Hips the Enforcer
OCCUPATION: tech support and training
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the organizer
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil enforcer
HOBBY: keeping the rest of us in line
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: honorary Book Monkey
CHARACTER SKETCH: the storyteller of the bunch. Intense hatred of screeching guitar music. Personality test once said we were 100% compatible.

NICK: The Mag
OCCUPATION: tech support and training
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the mischievous one
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil spymaster
HOBBY: trying to look innocent
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: staff member / supervisor
CHARACTER SKETCH: Took over the supervisory position after I left. Shares my love of cheesy movies. Shares Rose Hips' hatred of screeching guitar music. Does not share our love of roller coasters.

NICK: T-Guar, the Golden Boy (that would be me)
OCCUPATION: still truckin’ on in the library world
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: singing comic geek
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil minstrel
HOBBY: enabling the others’ pop culture addictions
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: staff member / supervisor
CHARACTER SKETCH: Unleashes full range of weird humor and bursting-into-song tendencies around this group.


Sub-group 2: SxSF: Along with the Core Four, these Book Monkeys got to share in the wonders of a week-end at Six Flags and The Wiz's movie-making attempt. 90% of my Infinite Monkeys Press webpage was inspired by this group.

NICK: Tin Man
OCCUPATION: student
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the young'un
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil spokesman
HOBBY: making the rest of us feel old
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: student worker
CHARACTER SKETCH: Hired by The Mag after I left ILS. World traveler. Played my son in The Wiz’s film-which-will-never-be-shown-to-anyone-so-don’t-ask. Competitive. Lazer Tag aficionado. Sponge-bob Squarepants fan.

NICK: Bunny
OCCUPATION: administrative something-or-other
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the naughty one
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil spin-doctor
HOBBY: finding the line of decency and crossing it
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: student worker
CHARACTER SKETCH: long-time friend of Fellow Book Monkey and Blogger Bubblegum Tate, responsible for his getting hired as a Book Monkey. Bought me a stuffed boa constrictor (long story). Possibly responsible for the Tin Man never being able to have children due to a mishap while riding “La Vibora” at Six Flags. Provided the key words responsible for the SXSF story ideas on Infinite Monkeys Press.

Sub-group 3: The Others: These are the poor souls who, due to problems of time, distance, and other commitments seldom get to partake of Book Monkey gatherings.

NICK: Insidious Evil
OCCUPATION: starving artist and aspiring evil overlord
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the dry wit
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil Overlord
HOBBY: plotting world domination
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: student worker
CHARACTER SKETCH: Highly cynical and sarcastic; in other words, my kind of people. Has a love for drawing/sculpting bunnies: Arsonist Bunny, Rabid Bunny, Cannibal Bunnies, Plays-with-farm-equipment Bunny . . .

NICK: Kookamamma
OCCUPATION: last I heard, stay-at-home mom
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the hostess
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil animal trainer
HOBBY: cursing the Wiz and me for our inside jokes
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: student worker
CHARACTER SKETCH: fellow English major. Has lots o’ pets. Former host of many a Dawson/Felicity/Survivor/whatever watch party. Big fan of Harry Potter, Lance Armstrong, and Colby from Survivor

NICK: Strengthy Girl
OCCUPATION: last I heard, stay-at-home mom
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the nice one
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Innocent bystander
HOBBY: seeing the world through rose-colored glasses
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: student worker
CHARACTER SKETCH: Likes to create her own words, like strengthy. Was convinced The Wiz hated her for the first month or two she worked at ILS. Was lucky enough to be one of the few students who worked the Thursday night shift with me.

NICK: Bubblegum Tate
OCCUPATION: sales
BOOK MONKEY ROLE: the outspoken one
INSIDIOUS EVIL ROLE: Evil propaganda writer.
HOBBY: challenging me for my role as resident comic geek
BOOK MONKEY STATUS: student worker
CHARACTER SKETCH: huge fan of Batman. Former roommate of Wrath the Berzerkr’s freshman roommate from Parker. Responsible for introducing me to the comic books Sin City, Quantum & Woody, Ranma 1/2, among others; I, in turn, transformed him into a Legion of Super-Heroes fan. Maintains a blog along with his wife. Has been the most persistent in asking me to finish this cast list.

Is It Real, Or Is It Monkeyshines?

The other day while flipping through the channels I came across an episode of The Surreal Life. Now, I haven't watched much of anything past the original season (MC Hammer, Webster, and the Feld-dog? Who could pass that up?), since everything after that seemed to have the obnoxious-to-entertaining ratio leaning a bit too heavily towards the obnoxious end of the continuum. However, this ep caught my attention because it was the "Dirty Laundry" ep where everyone's favorite washed-up talk show host, Sally Jesse Raphael, grills the cast-mates about their actions in the house. The big question was: who was being real, and who was being fake? It of course descended into a screaming match, like all good talk shows do, but it got me to thinking about the question of perception vs. reality; how closely does what we are shown match up to what was really going on?

It's the biggest trick of reality TV: editing together snippets of people's lives to create storylines. The people who come across negatively on these shows almost always cry foul, claiming that they're the victims of the cutting room floor. This has always rung false to me; sure, the editors may have excised scenes where they're kissing babies and cuddling puppies, but they didn't conjure the scenes of obnoxious and jerky behavior out of whole cloth. The Reality TV programs might portray a heightened version of the casts' personalities, but there had to be a kernel of truth within that portrayal to heighten in the first place. At the same time, they have a point: Reality TV is not reality. There might be kernels of truth within the material, but everyone watching needs to remember that it's not the whole truth.

Add onto that selective editing of the most entertaining and/or controversial personality moment the growing number of Reality TV stars who have decided to make being a Reality TV star their bread and butter. Omarosa from the first Apprentice (who just happened to be on the aforementioned ep of The Surreal Life) is a perfect example of this. She makes no bones about the fact that her appearance on the show was all about fulfilling a role: she's the ultimate bad guy of Reality TV, and she plays the role to the hilt. Quoth Omarosa, "If you want to know the real me, come see me after this show is over." As Reality TV has grown like a weed, prospective Reality TV stars have become much more savvy about crafting their personalities to fit some stereotypical role. A recent Survivor contestant only applied as a bet, claiming that he could create a fictional personality profile for himself that would get him selected for the show; turns out he was right, and then was WAY out of his depth when he made it onto the island. But the point remains that nowadays, the editors aren't the only ones tweaking reality to spice things up.

Which, in a roundabout way, brings me to this blog. Yes, my blog monkeys, there actually is a point to my ramblings, of a sort. CoIM is based on reality, of that there is no doubt. The people are real, the relationships are real, and the situations are real, at least up to a point. And that point is represented by my role as editor. I tend towards hyperbole and superlatives at the best of times in everyday life; when it comes to flexing my creative muscles, you can increase that hyperbolic tendency by at least a factor of a gazillion, easily. I have many goals with CoIM: to share my thoughts on movies, TV, comics, and the like; to exorcise those pesky thoughts that threaten to highjack my brain night after night; to revive my long dormant writing skills; and, last but not least, to amuse and entertain. Who is the target of this amusement and entertainment? Why, me, of course. If I can come up with something that makes me smile and laugh, then my job is done. Everyone else that enjoys it is just gravy.

Okay, that’s a bit disingenuous. If I knew nobody else enjoyed reading this, there would be no way I’d keep going; it would be too much of a blow to the ego. But at the same time, the only standard I can use for what to write about is what sparks my own interest, not what sparks others. Yes, if something appeals to everyone, I might gravitate towards it more (note the growing number of rambling posts), but even if something only appeals to me and two or three others, I’m not going to shy away from it (note my stubborn insistence on doing 4-color Fridays). I give G’ovich a hard time about trying to dictate the terms of my blog and trying to pull my strings, but the truth is, if his suggestions didn’t mesh with what I was already inclined to do, they wouldn’t be put into effect. This, of course, leads to the aspect of the blog that most resembles the “perception vs. reality” problem: how I characterize the people in my life.

If you read my ramblings and think they give you a 100% accurate picture of my friends and family, may I first please slap you upside the back of your head for being so dense before directing your attention to my earlier statements about my tendencies towards hyperbole. I fall into patterns when joking around with people in real life, and those patterns get magnified by a magnitude of at least 2 gazillion when I sit down at the keyboard. I ascribe sinister motives to all of G’ovich’s actions not because I think he’s the embodiment of evil, but because it amuses me to do so. Nor do 99% of the jokes at St. Flunky’s expense have any basis in reality beyond my need for a cheap joke. And when I eventually talk about my fears that The Wiz will one day be arrested for stalking and kidnapping Jake Gyllenhaal and Seth Green in order to make them her love slaves, rest assured that I truly think she’ll be successful in only one of her abduction attempts.

I do worry at times that these exaggerated portrayals might alienate their subjects; if there’s one thing that can’t be over-exaggerated, it’s my tendency to worry needlessly and read too much into simple behavior. But I also sometimes have trouble knowing when enough is enough, getting caught up in the moment and not realizing that I’ve crossed that line between all-in-good-fun and ticking-people-off. I would hope that anyone mentioned here would know it was all meant in jest, but of course, even the most innocent-intentioned jests can cut like a knife if they stray too near an open wound of the psychological variety.

Since this has become a glimpse into the nature of the beast that is CoIM, I’ve been put in mind of an essay by David Sedaris, in which he talks about how his family members hate to tell him anything, because they know it will show up in his next book. Sedaris would promise his family his lips were sealed, and then go ahead and repeat it anyway. I worry (there’s that word again) that the people around me might develop the same sort of thoughts: “I can’t say X or do Y around Cap’n Blabbermouth, because he’ll use it as fodder for that damnable blog.” All I can do to combat this is to promise here and now that if you ask me not to mention some personal detail or incident in the blog, from that moment on the subject is taboo. The key to this being the whole “you’ve got to ask me” thing. Not a mind reader here folks, and until I hear otherwise, everything’s fair game. Yes, I will try to use some discretion here (not going to be running online saying “Man, you’ll never believe what Coronela just said about Zinger!” or “Guess who just committed a Class-A felony!” or the like), but I think that experience has shown that my judgment about what will and won’t cause problems down the way isn’t always all that sound. So, if in doubt, please just shout “Keep your yap shut!” That should do the trick.

Bringing us back to my point of a sort: not to put too fine a point on it, but CoIM is not reality; it’s not even necessarily my interpretation of reality. Think of it more like Reality TV; kernels of truth, edited and amplified for entertainment value.

4-Color Fri. - Of What If's and Retcons

Still haven't made it down to pick up my comics, going to have a HUGE haul when I finally make it this weekend. So, while we're waiting for me to have some actual comics to review, let's talk about one of those things that's practically guaranteed to get me to fork over some cash.

I am a total sucker for alternate reality stories, always have been. My earliest exposure to alternate realities was the great old Marvel series What If?, each issue of which focused on some event in a Marvel comic and posited a question, such as "What If Phoenix Had Not Died" or "What If Wolverine Had Killed the Hulk" or "What If Uncle Ben Had Lived" or "What If the Invisible Girl Died?" or . . . do you sense a pattern here? 9 times out of 10 the ending would be downbeat and depressing, and at least a couple ended with the end of the universe, but all that I cared about was seeing how the scenario played out. I loved the idea of seeing how one little variation in circumstances could change so much, like how Wonder Man not dying in his first adventure would have affected the creation of The Vision. My favorites were ones where the question resulted in the heroes getting different powers, like this issue with a horribly misleading cover (the two FFs never fought), or the issue where all of the Avengers got armor like Iron Man.

A variation on the What If? concept that also always entertained me was the alternate reality that contained variations on established characters, whether that was the Crime Syndicate (evil versions of the JLA) or the Imperial Guard (an homage to the Legion of Super-heroes), but none could compare to the ultimate alternate heroes and JLA-analogues: The Squadron Supreme. I've been in love with the Squadron ever since I first read my Uncle's tattered copy of Avengers #147 (which I shall be picking up in collected form this weekend as part of the long-awaited Serpent Crown TPB) which is also, btw, when I fell in love with The Avengers as well. An Avengers without The Vision or Scarlet Witch is hardly The Avengers at all (you hear me, Bendis?!?!?!). Over the years, there has been many an homage that used the JLA archetype, but none have had the duration or depth of the Squadron. Of course, just because the others are often pretty shallow, doesn't mean I don't love them too! Half the fun of the archetype-analogue is matching them up with their inspirations: Hyperion-Superman, Lamplighter-Green Lantern, Smasher-Ultra Boy, etc. The other half is enjoying the variations and original touches the variation brings to the original concept. I guess you can sort of sum up my feelings towards the alternate realities as "variety is the spice of life."

Now, as a full-fledged alternate-reality nut, DC's 1985 mini-series Crisis on Infinite Earths was both a blessing and a curse . . . and a sorta-kinda blessing again. A blessing because over the course of its run it highlighted practically every alternate Earth in DC's publishing history; a curse because, by the end, all of those alternate worlds had been annihilated, leaving only one Earth that was an amalgam of 5 others; and a sorta-kinda blessing because this amalgamated Earth led to the rise of the retcon.

Retcon comes from the phrase "retroactive continuity," and describes the writing of new material that effectively contradicts or changes previous material. Good example for the non-comic minded: Eps 1-3 of Star Wars contained many retcons (midichlorians, Anakin building C3P0, Yoda knowing Chewbacca). One of the first major retcons of the post-Crisis DC, was John Byrne's revamping of Superman, which reduced Supes' powers, changed Lex Luthor from mad scientist to ruthless businessman, and eliminated Jor-El's disturbing tendency to launch anything and everything he could get his hands on into space (dogs, monkeys, babies, last week’s left-over Kryptonian lasagna . . .). Soon followed some major retcons for Hawkman and Wonder Woman, as well as some minor ones to Batman, Green Lantern, Aquaman, etc. These retcons has a ripple effect to several other series, and it was these ripples which caused me great joy and distress.

The retcons of Supes/WW/Batman/Hawkman effectively removed them from the history of the JLA and Legion, meaning that every time a writer wanted to reference an old story that contained one of those characters, they would often have to perform creative gymnastics to explain how the story now worked in current continuity. For JLA, this resulted in Black Canary (having been retconned into the daughter of the WWII version) being a founding member of the team, which added some interesting dimensions to the character, and set up the legacy vibe that is so important to the JSA series today, but more on that some other time. These artistic contortions were a nightmare for the writers, to be sure, but a blessing in disguise to someone who loved watching exercises in variety; most of these retconned stories just read like special DC-styled "What Ifs" to me.

This is a huge factor in my love of the much debated "Gap" stories of the Legion of Super-Heroes. Cliff’s notes version: the retcon of Superman made it so that there never was a Superboy. The LSH's entire history was based on Superboy. LSH writer Paul Levitz tried a workaround to explain where their Superboy came from, and it worked pretty well, but somebody at DC was vehement: no Superboy at all, period. So, instead of just ignoring everything that had gone before, as was the norm for retcons, new writer Keith Giffen came up with a plotline that started up after a 5 year gap from the last issue by Levitz, and which resulted in the rebooting of the Legion's history, with pre-existing characters Glorith and Mon-El taking the place of now-deleted characters Time Trapper and Superboy. From that point on, half of the fun of the series for me was seeing how the plugging in of Glorith and Mon-El (now renamed Valor), as well as the creation of a Supergirl-analogue, Laurel Gand (later called Andromeda) affected the history of the Legion. Lots of fans bemoaned the changes, often complaining it was too confusing, but I ate it up. I had always been a Legion fan, but starting on the Gap years and their alternate histories made me a Legion fanatic.

Of course, when the Legion underwent yet another reboot after the ill-considered Zero Hour miniseries I wasn't quite as happy; this was because this time, instead of slightly tweaking the past, they scrapped everything and started over from scratch. Ripples, I didn't mind: completely removing Glorith, Dawnstar, Blok, Quislet, Tellus, etc. ticked me off. I am still bummed that I might never know exactly why Glorith hated Celeste Rockfish so much; I hate that they made Phase into one of Apparition’s duplicate bodies, and “merged” them together, destroying the perfectly viable character of Phase in the process; and don't even get me started on the post-ZH Sensor! Yes, there were some good stories and some interesting variations on classic stories, but this was one of those few times where the alternate take didn't do it for me. And now, just as soon as the series had regained its strength under the steady hands of DnA, Legion's been rebooted yet again *sigh* This reboot is easier to take than the last since I wasn’t quite as attached this time around, but dang, do I miss Shakiri. But, that's a story for another day.

In the post-Crisis years, DC has capitalized on the general enjoyment of alternate realities with their “definitely not in continuity, no way no how” specials and miniseries published under the Elseworlds imprint. Sometimes the stories come from a simple What If style idea: Alan Davis’s The Nail used a “What if the Kents got a flat tire from a nail, and never found baby Kal-El” idea. Other times they just applied specific character traits to other genres (blending Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, etc. into worlds of fantasy, horror, western, etc.). The quality was all over the map of course, but when they were firing on all cylinders, they were excellent. One of my favorites was Elseworlds Finest featuring new takes on Supergirl and Batgirl. DC has cut back on the Elseworlds books quite a bit in recent years.

A few years back Marvel and DC teamed up to put out a series of books for an event they called Amalgam. The Amalgam books took established characters from both companies and merged them for a series of one-shots: JLA + X-men = JLX Dr. Strange + Dr. Fate = Dr. Strangefate. Superboy + Spider-man = Spider-boy. My favorite book from the Amalgam stories was Spider-Boy Team-up which did a massive parody of the Legion of Super-Heroes and its massive reboots. Dang funny stuff to an LSH fan.

There are a couple of recent books that are fully tapping into my alternate reality jones. The first is Infinite Crisis, a thematic sequel to the big Crisis event of the 80s. Especially pertinent here is the precursor storyline in JSA Classified featuring Power Girl, a character whose origin has been retconned so many times that it’s now become her defining characteristic: she’s a super-human with no real idea where she came from, or what she’s capable of. The second issue of the storyline even suggested that she was a grown up, time-displaced Andromeda from LSH; although that was an obvious red herring, it was a fun issue. Looking forward to the final definitive origin of poor PG . . . or at least, definitive until the next big reboot in 20 years.

The other big alternate reality friendly series is Exiles, the X-Men spin-off which has a group of alternate-reality mutants bouncing around from one alternate reality to another, making each storyline a visit to another What If? world. The initial run by Judd Winnick (that’s Judd from MTV’s Real World: San Francisco, btw, for any non-comic fans who've somehow made it this far), was excellent; the run by Chuck Austen was a bit painful (surprise, surprise), but not as bad as some of his other work; the current run by Tony Bedard has its moments, and I’m really, really looking forward to the next big storyline, which features the Exiles going to some of my favorite pre-existing alternate realties, including the New Universe, Marvel 2099, and, last but not least . . . the home of the Squadron Supreme!

Full circle, my friends, full circle

Some of my best friends are power-hungry world-conquerors

One of the most interesting things about doing CoIM is noticing just how much my predictions of public reaction differ from reality. I should be used to it, I suppose; I have a long history of rehearsing serious heart-to-hearts with friends and family beforehand, composing the entire conversation in my head, only to have the other person go off-book almost immediately. So, my misjudging of people’s reactions, not a real shocker. But it is interesting.

For example, when I first started, I expected for The Book Monkeys to be the most vocal of the three groups, since they were the most vocal about the Infinite Monkeys Press webpage, but instead it has turned out to be the Parkerites, from whom getting comments on IMP was like pulling teeth. I’ve also already talked about how the preference for my ramblings over my reviews blind-sided me. And now, today, even though I was unsure how people would react to the first part of my cast list, there was one reaction in particular that took me totally by surprise: the idea that I had portrayed Flunky as the quote-unquote bad guy.

Let me assure you, one and all, that it was honestly never my intention to paint Flunky as the bad guy. A despotic, power-hungry obsessive with his sights set on world domination as long as it doesn’t require him to hit the “reply” button on his email? Sure. But a bad guy? Never.

Honestly, other than my crack about the email (which, by the way, is such a long standing joke that I put it down without even thinking) I think the cast description paints a fairly positive portrait. Why, I even went so far as to point out that after putting up with nearly 12 years of my incessant needling, Flunky has not yet snapped my miserable neck as is well within his power and, some might say, his rights to do ("Not a jury in the world would convict you!" I imagine a voice (which sounds vaguely like G'ovich) yelling) ; my friends, if that’s not the sign of a good guy, well, I just don’t know what is. In fact, after observing myself in action for 30 years now I would say that, in my book, putting up with my ceaseless jabs without resorting to his military explosives training makes the man practically a saint.

That’s right, you heard me: a saint.

A despotic, power-hungry saint.

I hope that clears everything up. I mean, it’s not like I insinuated in my cast list that being married to Saint Flunky would cause his spouse to have a nervous breakdown. Now something like that, my friends, would have pointed to a bad guy . . .

Cast of Characters: Meet the Parkerites pt.2

Okay, here’s the remainder of the Parkerite cast for now. I will try to have the Book Monkey cast up by this weekend, if for no other reason than to appease Fellow Book Monkey and Blogger Bubblegum Tate, who met my announcement that I would do the Parkerites first with the following: “I knew you’d go chronologically! Curse your borderline-OCD!”


Sub-group 3: PFL: the Poker Football League members not included in the previous groups. On the whole, these are more acquaintances than full-fledged friends: know them, like them, but hardly have any contact with them outside of the large group outings. Subsequently, the following is based on a much more limited experiential range.

NICK: The Eskimo
OCCUPATION: engineer
ROLE: the social one
HOBBY: using the “confused” act as a smokescreen during games
FAMILY STATUS: Married to a 1st generation Parkerite. One kid
PARKERITE STATUS: Ancillary
PFL TEAM: Asian Persuasion
CHARACTER SKETCH: Driving force behind many of the group get-togethers (poker nights, football viewings, etc.).

NICK: The Squatch
OCCUPATION: teacher
ROLE: the funny one
HOBBY: finding excuses to wear lederhosen
FAMILY STATUS: Married. Two kids.
PARKERITE STATUS: Ancillary
PFL TEAM: Ft. Worth Squatch
CHARACTER SKETCH: Part of the Parkerites through The Eskimo. Hosts the annual “Squatchtoberfest” get-together.

NICK: GMC
OCCUPATION: veterinarian, part time teacher, part time improv comic
ROLE: the unlucky one
HOBBY: bemoaning his luck at poker, fantasy football, etc.
FAMILY STATUS: single
PARKERITE STATUS: 2nd generation
PFL TEAM: Black Plague
CHARACTER SKETCH: The "bemoaning his luck" is part of his sense of humor, sometimes misunderstood by others. Worships on the altar of Peyton Manning.

NICK: Special K
OCCUPATION: teacher
ROLE: token normal one
HOBBY: shaking his head at the rest of us
FAMILY STATUS: Married. Three kids.
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Lowest Common Denominators
CHARACTER SKETCH: Nice guy, not sure how he got stuck with this group. One of the few not to engage in the Great Parkerite Exodus, and consequently does not make it to most of the smaller gatherings.

Sub-group 4: All the rest:

NICK: Little-man Stud
OCCUPATION: grad student
ROLE: the questioner
HOBBY: following up questions with “No. Really? No. Seriously?” statements
FAMILY STATUS: Single.
PARKERITE STATUS: 2nd generation
PFL TEAM: N/A
CHARACTER SKETCH: In a constant state of epiphany. Once joined a road trip to see Jimmy Buffett in Dallas and didn’t ask till we were halfway there “So, he sings Brown-Eyed Girl, right?” Claims that one arm is longer than the other. Turns every phone conversation into a litany of “Have you talked to so-and-so? Have you talked to such-and-such?” ad infinitum.

NICK: The Old Man
OCCUPATION: engineer
ROLE: the “whatever happened to . . .?” one
HOBBY: disappearing
FAMILY STATUS: married . . . I think
PARKERITE STATUS: 2nd generation
PFL TEAM: N/A
CHARACTER SKETCH: Former roommate. Was in Coast Guard before going to school, so was older than the rest of us. After graduation, was never heard from again.

Sub-group 5: Yours Truly (Parkerite)
NICK: Electric Toad
OCCUPATION: future librarian
ROLE: the self-conscious one
HOBBY: turning self-doubt into a self-fulfilling prophecy
FAMILY STATUS: single
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: formerly Dewey Decimators and Mystery Men; now serve as auctioneer for draft
CHARACTER SKETCH: Self-confident and outspoken around Clan Stoneheart and most Roomies; much less so in large PFL group, although has been improving, may eventually improve role to just being “the comic/film/tv geek.”

Cast of Characters: Meet the Parkerites pt.1

One of the most profound changes that my time at UNT in general, and in the SLIS program in particular, has wrought in me is this: I have become a cataloger. This is not a job description; this is a personality profile. In retrospect, I can see I’ve always had these cataloging tendencies on some level, but my time in the cataloging department and Masters Program has unleashed the cataloger within. Everything is now viewed in terms of how it relates to everything else; all relationships are labeled and grouped, organized and subdivided. Bearing that in mind, it should come as no surprise that while creating my Cast of Characters I found myself breaking the three larger groups into various sub-groups, according to patterns of association and socialization. Can you say “OCD?” I knew you could.

Here’s the general plan: I’m going to address the Cast of Characters Group by Group, going into a bit of detail about those poor, cursed souls burdened with the onerous task of being my friends. I’ll eventually set up a link of the main page to a Cliff’s notes version of the Cast list.

The Cast list is a work in progress; posting the first two sub-groups right now, and will post the rest later. If you can’t find yourself on the list, then I guess you’d better get started doing something nickname-worthy, because odds are that’s the stumbling block.

Group 1: The Parkerites

Built on the foundation of my old dorm, Parker Hall. Parker was a residence for Honors students, so the group is filled with intelligent, talented, and creative individuals, who have excellent senses of humor and will not take any of this personally. Oh, and Flunky.

Parkerite Status is determined by whether they lived there my freshman year (1st generation), my sophomore year (2nd generation), or not at all (ancillary). PFL is the name of the Fantasy Football league that most of the Parkerites take part in.

Sub-group 1: Clan Stoneheart: the group I’ve kept in contact with the most post-college. Anytime I remark that I heard something about a Parkerite through the grapevine, odds are pretty good this is the grapevine.

NICK: Zinger Stoneheart
OCCUPATION: engineer
ROLE: curmudgeon
HOBBY: saying no to Pooh-bear
FAMILY STATUS: married to Pooh-Bear Parrothead
PARKERITE STATUS: 2nd generation
PFL TEAM: Manatees
CHARACTER SKETCH: often mistaken for “the quiet one.” Inhuman recall of movie and TV quotes. My first Firefly convert.

NICK: Pooh-bear Parrothead
OCCUPATION: accountant
ROLE: the blunt one
HOBBY: ignoring Zinger when he says "no"
FAMILY STATUS: married to Zinger Stonheart.
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Manatees
CHARACTER SKETCH: Unafraid to speak her mind. Lover of all things Jimmy Buffett.

APODO: Coronela
OCUPACIÓN: ingeniera
FUNCIÓN: persona no censurada
MANÍA: discurso en español y decir cosas inadecuadas alrededor de niños
ESTADO DE FAMILIA: La casan.
PARKERITE ESTADO: 1ra generación
EQUIPO DE PFL: ninguno, pero ella era un substituto en la subasta pasada
BOSQUEJO DEL CARÁCTER: Energético. Los amores todas cosas hispano. De mala fama para pensar ella es sutil cuando ella no es. Ella me hizo prometo que yo nunca jugaría “Axis and Allies”

Sub-group 2: Roomies: Three of my former off-campus roommates and their families. Contact with this group has been spotty over the years, affected by distance, email/IM availability/usage, and previously discussed awkwardness.

NICK: Dr. G'ovich
OCCUPATION: Web design
ROLE: the instigator
HOBBY: messing with my mind
FAMILY STATUS: Married to Rocket G’ovich. Three kids
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Angry All-stars
CHARACTER SKETCH: Excels at conjuring random ideas for activities and persuading others to join in.

NICK: Rocket G’ovich
OCCUPATION: computer-type-stuff
ROLE: the patient one
HOBBY: putting up with Dr. G'ovich
FAMILY STATUS: Married to Dr. G'ovich. Three kids.
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Rocket Sauce
CHARACTER SKETCH: Has been married to G’ovich for years and has yet to have a nervous breakdown, I think that says it all. Only female to have her own PFL team.

NICK: Flunky
OCCUPATION: nomadic wanderer
ROLE: competitive one
HOBBY: plotting world domination
FAMILY STATUS: Married to Flunky Lover. One Spawn.
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Captain Coal
CHARACTER SKETCH: obsessive game player. Former Army officer. Pathological refusal to respond to emails. Patiently takes all of my crap, resting assured in the knowledge that he could snap my neck like a twig if he wanted.

NICK: Flunky Lover
OCCUPATION: nurse
ROLE: the REALLY blunt one
HOBBY: letting Flunky think he's in control
FAMILY STATUS: Married to Flunky. One Spawn
PARKERITE STATUS: 2nd generation
PFL TEAM: Captain Coal
CHARACTER SKETCH: Not only is not afraid to speak her mind, but often does so with a smile. Do not be fooled: when she says she wishes you great bodily harm and then smiles, it’s not an “I’m kidding” smile, it’s an “I’m picturing just how great it would be to see you in physical pain” smile. Fear the true power behind the Spawn of Flunky!

NICK: Wrath teh Berzerkr
OCCUPATION: programmer
ROLE: contrarian
HOBBY: trying to convince people he's not addicted to WoW
FAMILY STATUS: Married. Two kids.
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Berzerkrz
CHARACTER SKETCH: Likes to play Devil’s Advocate. Complete football addict. In college, was well-known for thriftiness.

Coming soon: the remainder of the PFL and some miscellaneous Parkerites.

Wicked Written Word Wed.

Due to my lack of reading this past week, and a lack of short stories I feel comfortable posting without intense editing, I figured I’d go ahead and apply my Halloween theme to Written Word Wednesdays as well. Not surprisingly, I'll stick to the established structure and parallel Monday's themes of Vampires and Werewolves. However I'm much less likely to read a horror novel than I am to watch a horror movie, so I wouldn't expect this to be quite as expansive as my movie posts.


VAMPIRE NOVELS

1) Anno-Dracula by Kim Newman: My all-time favorite vampire novel. Set in a world where Van Helsing's crew was unable to stop Dracula; he is now the Queen's consort, and vampirism is en vogue. I'm a sucker for alternate histories (I'll talk more about that in an upcoming 4-Color Fri. post), as well as for works which are filled with famous figures from film and literature. This book has both in spades. I wasn't as enamored of its sequels, but that doesn't lessen the love I have for this one.

2) Fevre Dream by George R. R. Martin: Many years before he became the best-selling author of the Song of Fire and Ice novels, Martin wrote this entertaining novel about vampires trolling the Mississippi on a riverboat.

3) Agyar by Steven Brust: Very interesting vampire novel in which the word "vampire" is never actually used. Told from the P.O.V. of a very unreliable narrator, the book leaves a lot of gaps for the reader to fill in, which I really enjoyed. It’s always nice when an author respects his audience's intelligence.

I must also mention Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles I suppose. I've read the first four books, and liked the first three quite a bit, especially Queen of the Damned. However, Tale of the Body Thief was such a disappointment that I've never been able to get myself worked up to read any more in the series.

WEREWOLF NOVELS

To be honest, I can't recall any full-length werewolf novels I've read. There have been some novellas and short stories, like King's Cycle of the Werewolf which was the basis for Silver Bullet and Martin's The Skin Trade, but that's about it. Well, there is Peter David's hilarious Howling Mad, but that's about a wolf that gets bitten and turns into a man, so does it really count?

Okay, that's about all I've got in me for right now. If that's not enough to satisfy your blog-lust, then go and read Fellow Book Monkey and Blogger Bubblegum Tate's latest post. As someone who gets blank looks far too often for using moderately obscure words, I can relate.

Blame it on the Big Frickin' Q

Today's Written Word Wednesday post will be unfortunately delayed due to Nyquil-related issues. Man, does that stuff knock me for a loop! In the meantime, please enjoy the following examples of what a difference some judicious editing can make:

The horror, the horror!
Obviously the feel-good movie of the year

TV Tues. - The Legendary Dyanamic Uno Snow Suits Up!

Finally starting to get caught up on my TV viewing, through some judicious cuts to my viewing schedule. Due to lack of time I've decided to wait for the DVDs on Nip Tuck (just can't bring myself to get worked up for it right now), Alias (which I only half-watched last season anyway), and the end of Over There (great show, but I missed an ep, so easier to just wait). I've also jettisoned several sitcoms that I was still watching only out of sheer inertia. The crowded Thursday schedule kept me from trying out the first ep of Night Stalker, the only one of the SF shows I didn't get to sample. And again, Ghost Whisperer does not count. Yes, I have an irrational dislike for a show I've never seen, and until someone whose judgment I trust browbeats me into sampling it, it's staying that way.

Here's a look back at the week that was

SEASON STARTERS

Veronica Mars: Yes, I was happy with who showed up at her door; I've always liked the Veronica/Logan dynamic. Yes, I guessed early on that it was a red herring, and that she was really with Duncan now; the flashback structure and insistence on not referring to her boyfriends as anything other than "your boyfriend" struck me as a little obvious. Yes, I thought Charisma was perfect for the role of trophy wife; the affair with our boy Logan took me by surprise, though. And yes, the big reveal at the end had me echoing my Serenity chant: "This show rocks. It rocks hard." The producers have been saying for months that if you watched the first ep and felt the need to ask "Was that the big mystery for the season?" then the answer was no; they weren't kidding. Man, I can't wait to see where this is heading. Cameo alert: this week's ep features an appearance by Kevin Smith as an opportunistic convenience store clerk.

Everybody Hates Chris: Feel very ambivalent about this one. One of those odd situations where a show is well-written, well-acted, and capable of making me laugh out loud several times each episode, and yet as soon as each ep is done I think "eh, I guess I'll watch the next one." It might have been a case of my expectations being raised a bit too high from all of the critical acclaim, but I think it's probably more a case of the style and tone of the show just not being my cup of tea. It didn't contain any of the cringe-inducing traits of some of the other sitcoms, although the parents always getting onto Chris for his siblings actions could wear on me soon. Yes, I know it’s the point of the show, that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Smallville: Honestly, if I wasn't such a comic geek, I doubt I'd still be watching this show. I actually gave it up for a season and half, but then got sucked back in by the growing Kryptonian mythology. Haven't been 100% on board with all the directions it's gone (I would like to strike the Lana-as-witch storyline from my memory), but the darkening of Lex and deepening of the show's mythology will keep me watching for the foreseeable future.

Without a Trace: Was I the only one who was bothered that none of the FBI agents or any of the people they interviewed had even an inkling of what "Valhalla" was? I suppose I probably was. Maybe my expectations have been skewed by my association with many other pop culture, mythology, and SF geeks, but it just seems like with the number of people who were asked "Do you know what Valhalla is?" at least one of them would have read an issue of Thor, or seen The Ring of the Nieblung, or watched Dexter's Laboratory, or . . . okay, maybe not. Still bugged me. As did Martin's dad's attitude towards Jack.

Everwood: One of the best family dramas on TV. One of the things I've always loved about this show is how it has been able to develop what seemed to be 2-dimensional stereotypes in the beginning into fully realized characters that have as much depth as the Brown family. Watching the evolution of Bright has been one of the highlights of this trend, and I'm hoping that the Bright/Hannah relationship doesn't self-destruct anytime soon.

Amazing Race: Family Edition: I will admit to some trepidation about the shift to the 4-person teams comprised solely of family members for his season. However, after watching the first episode, I'm totally won over. Yes, the added team members do add to the possibility of friction within the group, but it also adds some richness to team interactions. Right now I'm pulling for the speedy Gaghan clan (a.k.a. Team Rugrats) and the unlucky Linz clan (a.k.a. Team Sibling), the former because they seem to have such a supportive family dynamic, and the latter because of their sense of humor. There's only one team that I really dislike right now, and that's the Paolo clan (a.k.a. Team Bickersons). I can't stand watching the sons be so disrespectful of the parents non-stop.

FANTASTICAL VOYAGES

Lost: My first thought as last week's ep ended pretty much where the previous one began was: Since when has Robert Jordan written for Lost? But then I remembered that all of the men and women on the island didn't make sweeping generalizations about the incompetence of every member of the opposite sex, so it probably wasn't Jordan after all. All kidding aside, this was far from my favorite ep of the series, but that had more to do with the Sawyer/Michael scenes than the lack of answers about Desmond. In fact, I actually enjoyed the structure of seeing everything from the last ep from Locke and Kate's perspectives.

Supernatural: This remains far and away my favorite of all the new SF/Fantasy shows. Nicely thought out scripts, entertaining dialogue, some pretty-creepy-for-TV moments, and an excellent chemistry between the two leads have combined to raise this a notch above the rest.

Invasion: The second ep was marginally better, but I'm still not getting what all the hype was about. Hardly any of the characters have engaged my interest at all, which is a problem for such a character-centered concept.

Medium: Although the opening 15 minutes were very inventive, if I never hear "I Will Survive" again it will be too soon.

A COMEDY TONIGHT

How I Met Your Mother: A very Barney-centric ep, so you know I loved it. So many great lines: "Legendary!" "Snow Suit Up!" "The Dynamic Uno!" "Phone Five!" After Barney sent the pictures to Marshall's phone, I instantly regretted that I didn't have a camera-phone to emulate the pics and send to Zinger. Cue the "You've got mail" alert on my computer, with two camera-phone emails from Zinger. Great minds, man, great minds.

My Name is Earl: Two eps in, still going strong. The ex's constant murder attempts were great, as was Crabman's reaction.

Desperate Housewives: An enjoyable, if horribly over-hyped, series. I'm a big fan of any and all scenes with Bree or Edie, like about half of the Susan stuff, couldn't care less if Gabrielle and her husband dropped off the face of the show permanently, and would only be upset at the loss of Lynette because it would mean Felicity Huffman was out of work. Honestly, as much as I love Ms. Huffman in general, there is no way she should have won the Emmy; of course, the fact that Lauren Graham wasn't nominated means I wouldn't have been happy with any of the winners, but out of the three Desperate candidates, it really should have been Marcia Cross.

REALITY CHECK

The Apprentice: First of all, was I the only one who found the women's presentation horribly cheesy? I was? Okay, then, moving on. I wasn't really looking forward to this ep on tape, since I knew going in that the really annoying guy wasn't going to get booted. I had mentioned to Trouble how much he had annoyed me in the first ep, and she assured me that he was even worse in this one. Sadly, she was not mistaken. And while I hated to see Chris go in place of Markus, I have to say it was his own dang fault. After all the hints The Donald was giving him, he would have to have been a total moron to think that Markus was going home because, as annoying as he was, it clearly was not his fault that they lost. And even if, deep down, Chris thought it was Markus's fault, it was plain as day that The Donald didn't think so. And as anyone who has watched the show should know, whether someone gets fired or not has more to do with The Donald's whims than any real merit.

Survivor: The first thought to go through my mind when Judd described the howler monkey as "the most annoyingest noise I've ever heard in my entire life" was that he had obviously never had to listen to Markus from The Apprentice

Monster Movie Mon. - My what big fangs you have

I am definitely not getting my money’s worth out of my Netflix subscription this month.

I’ve only seen one movie since last week’s post, and I think we all know what movie that was by now. Speaking of which, the initial box office estimates show that it came in #2 this week, taking in about $10.1 million. A pretty good take, considering the film itself was only about $40 million (50 with ad budget), and that it was on about a 1,000 fewer screens than the #1 movie. The real test is going to be its staying power; I’m curious to see how far the Browncoat fan base (I know both Papa L. and I plan to see it again) and good word of mouth can carry it. Papa L. is hoping for the return of the TV series, and I would love it if that’s what happened; as much as the movie rocked (did I mention that it rocked hard?), I would much rather have a full 22-ep season than another 2-hour movie. However, at this point I’ll take any Firefly/Serenity I can get.

Since I don’t have any more new movies to review, and since it’s now October, I thought I’d take the chance to talk a bit about some of my favorite horror flicks.

I’ve been a fan of horror movies for as long as I can remember. It’s probably the only genre in which I enjoy bad films almost as much as good ones. There’s just something about a cheesy, poorly acted horror movie that appeals to me. Not that I don’t prefer a well-made one, mind you. I’m also not much of a gore-hound; the blood and guts don’t bother me, but that’s generally not the biggest selling point for me. I like the creepiness factor, the tense moments, the inventive death scenes, the cool monster FX; a sense of humor in the film doesn’t hurt.

Today I’m going to talk a bit about my top five films from two prominent horror sub-genres: Vampire and Werewolf films.

VAMPIRE FILMS

Lost Boys: 80s horror film about a teenage vampire biker gang that stills holds up pretty well. Yes, I know how silly “teenage vampire biker gang” sounds, but like I said, it was the 80s. Plus, you gotta love any flick that has Jack Bauer, Richard Gilmore, Bill S. Preston Esq. and both Coreys. I think this film was my first glimpse into the depth of vampire lore (need for invitations, aversion to running water, etc.). Lots of creepy, and lots of funny.

Fright Night: 80s horror/comedy about a teen horror fan who becomes convinced his neighbor is a vampire, and enlists the help of an aging TV host to kill the vamp. Loved this movie as a kid, was one of my frequent rentals, can still remember bits of the closing song (surprise surprise). Outside of the more well known actors in the film (Roddy McDowell, Chris Sarandon, William Ragsdale), the character of the very creepy Evil Ed really stands out in my mind, so out of curiosity I looked him up on IMDB to see what he had done after this and the classically cheesy horror film 976-EVIL. And, well, let’s just say that I can’t really type most of the titles into a blog that’s going to be read by folks from my church, but that lots of them had the word “Gay” in them, and leave it at that, okay?

Martin: 70s horror from George A. Romero, this one straddles the line between Vamp and Slasher, as it follows a disturbed young man who is convinced he’s a vampire. Off-beat, and very well done, the thing that sticks out the most in my memory is Martin’s elderly relative from the Old Country chanting “Nosferatu! Nosferatu!” over and over again. I’ve been waiting years for a chance to imitate that chant, and I’m sure it’s going to pop up any day now. Any day now.

Wisdom of Crocodiles: An early Jude Law film, with Jude playing a very non-traditional vampire who only feeds on victims who have certain feelings for him. Not a lot of action, from what I remember, but the concept and plot development kept me hooked. Released in the U.S. as “Immortality,” but I like the original title better.

Underworld: Although this is nominally a werewolf/vampire combo, to me it’s the vampire sequences which were the most compelling. Yes, the whole vampire-as-aristocracy theme has been done to death now (thanks, Vampire: The Masquerade), but the way it was handled in this film helped raise it a notch above the others.

WEREWOLF FILMS:

Silver Bullet: How can you not love an 80s Stephen King horror film about a kid in a souped-up wheelchair fighting werewolves? Especially when the kid is Corey Haim, and the guy who soups up the chair is Gary Busey, and the sheriff is none other than Locke from Lost? This was one of the films that had me convinced for years that the only way to do a good Stephen King film was to adapt his shorter work.

An American Werewolf in London: Probably my favorite werewolf film. Tons of dark humor in this one, which I always appreciate. Plus, some great transformation sequences. My only complaint is that the ending has always felt a bit rushed to me.

Dog Soldiers: Recent British film that was a straight-to-video release in the U.S. about a group of soldiers sent on a training mission only to find that they’re now being hunted by a pack of werewolves. This one is just a fun flick.

Ginger Snaps: Unleashed: Out of the three Ginger Snaps films, each of which revolves around a pair of lycanthropic sisters, this one, which finds surviving sister Brigitte locked up in an asylum after the death of Ginger, was my favorite. Why was it my favorite? Because of the exceedingly creepy performance of Tatiana Maslany as the exceedingly creepy inmate known only as Ghost, who becomes exceedingly creepily fixated on Brigitte. The character of Ghost makes the film.

The Company of Wolves: A beautifully shot film that tries to be a deep and artistic look at lycanthropy and the Red Riding Hood myth as a metaphor for puberty and sexual awakening, but ultimately just winds up being pretty. Have always hated the “it’s a dream but it’s not” cop-out of the structure, but there are so many wonderfully creepy moments that I can forgive it its weaknesses.


That’s all for today, but thanks to my borderline-OCD, I have now compiled multiple Top 5 Sub-Genre lists, and will be posting them throughout the month. Upcoming Movie Monster Monday genres include Slasher, Ghost Story, Zombies, SF Horror, Horror-Comedy, Giant Animals, and Franchises.

No, seriously, I used to be shy! Honest!

Had a pretty eventful couple of days, with lots of activities with the Singles, most of which revolved around game playing. I was on a bit of a roll yesterday. Well, for me it was a roll; for the average, coordinated person it would have been a "dang, I'm all over the place today" thing. Personal highlights include:

• Making some relatively difficult shots at pool (and they were the shots I planned, even)
• Successfully figuring out who had the double-blank during Chickenfoot (although I was powerless to stop him)
• Making several strikes during bowling, two of which were in the final frames of our first two games
• Actually winning a game of bowling for possibly the first time ever (bowled a 122)

The bowling came about as a kind of guys-afternoon-out thing. Mama Lightbulb was having a baby shower for the soon-to-arrive Baby Lightbulb, so Papa L. invited a few guys out for an afternoon of bowling excitement. At first we paid for an hour of play, and got a couple of games in, and then we decided to pay for one more game. The man who shall henceforth be known as Smooth Money (due to his smooth bowling style and his catchphrase "That's money!") came up with an idea to change things up for our last game: he got a staffer to put down the bumpers and show us how to edit our scores on the computer, and then declared that if the ball did not bounce off of two bumpers before striking the pins, it didn't count.

After a few frames of very rambunctious playing, I suggested to Papa L. that we needed a big sign at out table reading "We're totally sober, honest." I was so impressed with the bumper-bowling strategy and style of one of our group (who showed great innovation with his bowling form and "come on, come on, fall over, fall over!" interpretive dances, and who even managed to get a strike), that I have decided to honor his achievements on this blog by dubbing him "Bumper." I'm sure he'll be much appreciative.

We were almost done with the 7th frame of our modified game when a different staffer, who shall henceforth be known as Stiffly Stifferson, came over to us and said, very defensively, "Guys, I can't have the bumpers up if you're going to be messing around like that, I've got to put them down." He then braced himself for full-out belligerent temper tantrum, and when we just said "Sure, whatever," he didn't seem to trust that we weren't going to prank him but good while he was putting them down. I can't really blame him for his trepidation, I'm sure we looked like a crowd of rowdy fratboys. Well, the others probably looked like a crowd of rowdy fratboys: I looked like the nerdy guy the fratboys let hang out with them in exchange for doing their homework. Still, we all thought it was strange that they waited so long to bust up the game. We went ahead and finished out the last few frames like normal, but after the fun and excitement of Double-Bumper-Bounce Bowling, it just wasn't the same.

Later that night I headed to the church to catch the shuttle out to the Lane Farm for an All-Singles cookout (All-Singles denoting all the different Singles classes, not just the one I teach). The Lane Farm get-togethers are always fun, with everyone breaking up into different groups to play games. After losing best 2 out of 3 at pool to Trouble (all 3 games being decided by one of us accidentally knocking the 8 ball in), I, along with Papa L. and Disaster Girl, wound up playing the dominoes game "Chickenfoot" with one of the more recent additions to The Singles. The newbie added her own rule to what has become a pretty standard Singles game: whenever you played a spinner, you had to cluck like a chicken. Papa L. wasn't too excited by the rule, but Disaster Girl and I dove in with wild abandon. I received several compliments on my clucking; Disaster Girl did not. Instead, she was accused by the All-Singles Head Honcho of making various other barnyard and jungle animal noises, prompting me to suggest that I change her nickname to "Mutual of Omaha." I was also in an extremely songbursty mood, and pretty much everything said around me triggered a song of some sort. At one point, one group of ladies sent word that they liked my singing voice; I'm still not sure if that was sarcasm or not.

During a break in playing, I wandered over to the snack table and was thrilled to find a plate of delicious brownies without any nuts in them. The newbie said "I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates nuts in brownies," and then Disaster Girl chimed in in agreement, making it three voice united against the mad urge that people have to put nuts in brownies, cake, ice cream, cinnamon rolls, etc. Although we had several people giving us strange looks and telling us we were oddballs, we stood firm behind our convictions, and thus was formed CAP'NS: the Coalition Against Puttin' Nuts in Stuff. Disaster Girl shall now be Cap'n Disaster; the newbie is Cap'n Cluck; and I shall be Cap'n Toad. Or Cap'n Monkey. Or Cap'n Paranoia. Or . . .

Anyway, during our game, Cap'n Disaster asked some questions about the blog (did I have a nickname for her son yet, when was I going to do the songs-that-remind-me-of-folks thing), and mentioned that when I assign roles to The Singles that she needs to be the Beautiful, Talented, Brilliant One. She then assured me that whatever I put, she would try not to take offense. Papa L. then spoke up, saying that he would take offense at whatever I put, just to be contrary. Cap'n Cluck then spoke up saying "What blog?" So, when I got home, I emailed her the link. Apparently she did quite a bit of reading through it last night, because this morning she came up to me and said "So, apparently I'm not a part of The Singles group because I haven't heard the Popular song." I told her I would be sure to perform it soon, since there were several others who hadn't had the great pleasure of hearing the now-classic tune. While making lunch plans at the beginning of class, we found out that it had been Bumper's birthday on Thursday, so as we were heading out I told them that I would sing the song at the restaurant.

Of course, once we got to the restaurant and got situated, the promise seemed to have slipped everyone's mind. But, being a conscientious monkey I couldn't very well back out of a promise (no, it has nothing to do with me being an attention hound, nosirree Bob). So, when there was a lull at the table, and Smooth Money made a comment about how we'd all apparently run out of things to talk about, I reminded Cap'n Cluck and Bumper about the promise. So, after a quick rundown of the story for the uninitiated, I belted out the Popular Song in the middle of Texas Roadhouse. Well, not quite the middle, more of off to the side in an alcove, actually, but there was another group of people seated in there, who kept giving us funny looks during the performance. As we were leaving, one of them stopped me, shook my hand, and thanked me for the entertainment. I told him that’s why I was placed on this Earth: to sing obscure songs in public places for complete and total strangers. Trouble suggested that they needed to come up with other embarrassing places for me to sing the song. I assured her that doing stuff like that doesn’t embarrass me; getting me to play sports in front of people, on the other hand, is a totally different story.

During the course of lunch, CoIM got brought up several times, and I was asked for the URL, with someone making the comment that I needed to share it with everyone in the group so nobody got jealous that they hadn’t seen it. You see, when I started this, I only gave the address to a couple of The Singles, since I wasn't sure how most people would react to my ramblings, and I didn't want to lose the respect of the folks I was teaching. But, between Double-Bumper-Bounce Bowling, Super-Clucking-Chickenfoot, Non-stop Songburst Mode, and Public "Popular" Performance, I think that whole "keeping their respect" ship has sailed, so as soon as this gets posted, the email goes out.

*waves to all The Singles who are stopping by for the first time, and who will now never come back to class, fearful of the crazy singing teacher monkey*

Spinning-my-wheels Sun. - Here a nick,there a nick?

When I started the whole nickname thing for the blog, I did it mainly because it amused me. However, as I tried to apply it, and have come across so many nicknameless friends, I have discovered something.

I stink at coming up with nicknames.

Stopping to look at all of the pre-existing nicknames for my friends, I realized that the majority of them were bestowed by someone else: Flunky was result of my Grandmother; Zinger the result of an amusing anecdote; Dr. G'ovich was the result of one very odd night in Parker which also resulted in my moniker Electric Toad; but I had little, if any, hand in any of them. Some others were self-selected: The Wiz, Rose Hips the Enforcer, Honey Buns the Informant, Fellow Book Monkey and Blogger Bubblegum Tate (at least the Bubblegum Tate part) to name a few. About the only nick I can remember coming up with for sure is The Wiz's former moniker of "Joe." Not the most creative nick, I grant you, but there was a story behind it. I may also have had a hand in Flunky's "Nature Boy" nickname, but that very easily could have been someone else, it's been far, far too long to remember distinctly.

Still, this nicknaming deficiency had never come to the foreground before since, honestly, how often do you get called upon to generate a new, clever, and usable nickname? But now this odd gap in my creative matrix is driving me crazy.

Let me use one the Parkerites as an example: the wife of the man known as The Eskimo. The Eskimo's nick has been around for ages, and I have no clue where exactly it originated. As far as I know, his spouse has none. I don't feel comfortable referring to her only in context of her marriage to him, i.e. "The Eskimo’s Wife." It's one thing for me to call Flunky's wife Flunky Lover, since she came up with it herself and I thought it was funny (plus, the only nick I knew of for her was what Flunky used to call her back in the day: Snoop, as in Dogg), but to just stick the label of so-and-so's wife on someone effectively marks them as an afterthought to anyone reading this.

But what are my options? Yes, I know stuff about her: she lived in Parker, she's an engineer, she has a sister, she does photography, she just had her first kid, etc. But none of that resonates strongly enough to generate a nickname, and I don't know any funny or embarrassing-but-not-too-embarrassing anecdotes to inspire me, and, and . . . and why the heck do I care so much about the stupid nicknames anyway?

Well, aside from the borderline OCD aspect, I suppose it's because on some level, even though they were only intended to be funny, I really want the nicknames to hold some sort of meaning. Call it the writer in me. But the best nicknames are inspired by the moment, crafted out of circumstances beyond your control, not just thrown together in an instant because I need to talk about X and have no other way to refer to him/her. I don’t want to just go “Gee, I need to mention this guy, let’s see, he’s a fireman, let’s call him, um, I know, The Fireman*!” Or, at least, I don’t want to do that anymore.

Still, there’s some hope. After a couple of social outings with The Singles yesterday, I now have nicknames for at least two previously un-nicked people. They may not carry out into the outside world at all, but they amuse and satisfy me, and that’s enough to quiet the OCD-nicknaming monkey on my back. I have a feeling that from now on, anytime I’m around any of the nicknameless ones, I’m going to be on an eagle-eyed lookout for anything that might qualify as inspiration. “A-ha! She just stubbed her toe, from now on she’ll be known as Stubby!”

And if you think I'm getting hung up on the nickname thing, wait till you get a load of my “assigning everyone roles” difficulties . . .

Needless to say, the Cast of Characters list might be delayed a bit.

Serenity Saturday Supplemental - You can't take the sky from me

My first Serenity post of the day was written as soon as I got home from the movie, when I was so jazzed by the experience that I was totally fixated on conveying my feelings without having to censor myself to avoid spoiling it for others. I then promptly crashed, the adrenalin and sugar-high having worn off.

Now, after some sleep, I can talk about the overall film-going experience.

As usual, I made it to the theater much earlier than necessary, so I sat in the Movie Tavern lobby with my notebook and started sketching out my "cast of characters" list. The Lightbulbs called to tell me they were going to be running a bit late, so when they started seating for the movie I went on in to make sure I got us reasonably good seats, having no clue what the turn-out would be like. One advantage of getting there early was that I got my dinner ordered and almost totally finished by the time the movie started.

While waiting for the Lightbulbs to show up, I overheard a girl in the row behind me making several Firefly-fanatic style comments, and I couldn't help but chuckle each time, especially since the two friends she had apparently dragged to the theater with her had never seen the show at all. At one point she asked "Am I a dork for wanting the movie to start already?" I, who less than 30 minutes earlier had had a conversation with Papa L. about being sad that I didn’t have any brown to wear to the film, turned around and said "Not at all."

A brief aside: one of my favorite aspects of the whole Firefly phenomenon has been watching the conversion of Papa L. into a fervent Browncoat, which, if you haven't realized by now, is the name the most outgoing Firefly fans have given themselves. I wasn't really surprised by the Firefly love from most of The Parkerites and Book Monkeys, since most of them already shared my SF/Fantasy leanings, but passing the DVDs on to Papa L. was a calculated risk, since I knew that, outside of the Star Wars and Matrix films, he had the average person's anti-SF leanings. After he grudgingly agreed to give the show a try, I braced myself for my first failure at Firefly conversion. So, when a week or so later he announced in front of all The Singles that Firefly was one of the best shows he'd ever seen, I let out a huge sigh of relief.

The Lightbulbs made it to the theater just in time for the trailers to start up. Highlight of the trailers was The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, which I swear gives me chills every time I see it. Then, the lights dimmed, and the Universal logo came up on the screen, and I made a little "oooooooo" sound that made Papa L. laugh. The logo disappeared, a shot of Earth from outer space popped up on screen, a voiceover started to talk about "Earth that was" . . . and then the film stuttered, slowed down, and the screen went totally black.

Frustrated Browncoats throughout the theater cried out in frustration, while Mama L., who had been making fun of Papa L. and me for our geekiness, began laughing like crazy. Luckily they got the film up and running within a minute or so, before the rioting could begin, so we only missed out a little of the beginning narration. From that point on, other than the distraction of the waiters ranging through the theater, I was totally sucked in.

Mama L. said afterwards that she thought the movie did a really good job of setting everything up so that even folks who'd never seen Firefly could enjoy the movie, which was nice to hear. I know that my total enjoyment of the film was closely tied in to my already having a huge love for the characters, so there's a part of me that's afraid that my earlier gushing about the film in the non-spoilery part of my last post might end up over-hyping the film a bit for the uninitiated. I would hate to torpedo someone’s experience by raising their expectations too high.

But, I couldn't help it. This was one of the best movie-going experiences I've had in ages; I was literally bouncing up and down on my walk to my car, thinking to myself over and over "This movie rocked. It rocked hard!" This was one of those occasions where I really missed living near the other Book Monkeys, because I really wanted to sit down and dissect the film with them much like we had dissected X-Men, Moulin Rouge, Jason X, Magnolia, Star Wars eps. I-III, etc. Took much willpower not to call up The Wiz going "Did ya see it? Did ya? Huh? Huh? Did ya?" I’m insanely curious how others have reacted; so far I’ve only heard from a couple of people, and they were also blown away by the film, but they were also already Firefly fans. Looking forward to hearing more feedback from y’all, so comment away, just please be spoiler conscious.

Oh, my one real complaint about the film: the lack of the theme song! I was looking forward oh so much to singing along at the top of my lungs and embarrassing all around me :

Take my love
Take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care
I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me

Oh, well, maybe in the sequel . . .

Spoilerific Serenity Sat. - I am a leaf on the wind

Three things.

Thing Number 1: Don't read below the ***SPOILERS*** warning unless you have already seen the movie, or don't care about having the major plot points spoiled for you.

Thing Number 2: This movie gets pretty intense in the scenes with the Reavers, so if you or your kids are sensitive to violence, be forewarned. Mama Lightbulb said she had to cover her eyes during several of the Reaver scenes.

Thing Number 3: I know I'm not the most impartial of viewers here, so please, take the following with as large a grain of salt as you'd like, but also keep in mind that I had extremely high expectations going in:

This movie rocked.

It rocked hard.

I shall be seeing this movie again.

You need to go see this movie immediately, if not sooner.

Because it rocked.

Hard.

Now, on to the spoilers. Don't say you weren't warned

***SPOILERS***

I should have known.

This was a Joss Whedon production, where he was wrapping up a major storyline, so of course there had to be death. My years of watching Buffy and Angel should have prepared me. Joyce, Tara, Anya, Jonathon, Doyle, Cordelia, Wesley. No on in the Whedonverse is safe, I know that. Especially my favorite characters, I know that too.

But I was blindsided. Totally blindsided. Had not heard even a hint of there being major character deaths beforehand. Heck, I just read an interview with Joss yesterday where he hinted that a possible sequel might delve into Shepard's past, which seems a bit doubtful now, yes? But while I was dismayed to see Shepard pass on (especially after his limited role in the film), it was nothing compared to the total shock of Wash's demise. Again, should have seen it coming, and I'm sure there are people out there who will say they did, and if so, bully for them. But for me, well, don't know if I've ever been so caught off guard in a film in my life. One moment I'm laughing at Wash's "I'm a leaf on the wind" line and the next, I've turned and am staring at Papa Lightbulb in utter disbelief, as the phrase "I should have known" started cycling through my mind.

From that moment on, all bets were off. I half expected it to end with only Mal surviving, being forced to relive the horror of the Battle of Serenity Valley, only worse. At some moment during that final confrontation, I thought every single crew member was a goner at least once. I don't know if people who've never seen the TV series could get that caught up in the predicament of these characters in such a short span of time, but I was all in, baby. Total emotional commitment. Honestly don't know the last time a film sucked me in so completely.

So, everything else that I loved about the film (the truth about the Reavers, the funny lines, the great fight scenes, the even funnier lines, the resolution of River's secrets, the borderline sappy moments being subverted with funny lines) is secondary to that. I cared about these characters, I didn't want a single one of them to go away, and the fear that they might kept me glued to the screen.

Joss Whedon is a sadist.

A talented, talented sadist, and I love him for it.

And I want more.

Not sure where the crew is going to go from here, don't know how Zoë is going to deal with losing the love of her life, or just how well-adjusted River really is now, or if some dark secret from Shepard's past really will come back to haunt the people inadvertently responsible for his death: I honestly have no clue what happens next.

But I'm dying to find out.