Thursday, October 06, 2005

Cast of Characters: Meet the Parkerites pt.1

One of the most profound changes that my time at UNT in general, and in the SLIS program in particular, has wrought in me is this: I have become a cataloger. This is not a job description; this is a personality profile. In retrospect, I can see I’ve always had these cataloging tendencies on some level, but my time in the cataloging department and Masters Program has unleashed the cataloger within. Everything is now viewed in terms of how it relates to everything else; all relationships are labeled and grouped, organized and subdivided. Bearing that in mind, it should come as no surprise that while creating my Cast of Characters I found myself breaking the three larger groups into various sub-groups, according to patterns of association and socialization. Can you say “OCD?” I knew you could.

Here’s the general plan: I’m going to address the Cast of Characters Group by Group, going into a bit of detail about those poor, cursed souls burdened with the onerous task of being my friends. I’ll eventually set up a link of the main page to a Cliff’s notes version of the Cast list.

The Cast list is a work in progress; posting the first two sub-groups right now, and will post the rest later. If you can’t find yourself on the list, then I guess you’d better get started doing something nickname-worthy, because odds are that’s the stumbling block.

Group 1: The Parkerites

Built on the foundation of my old dorm, Parker Hall. Parker was a residence for Honors students, so the group is filled with intelligent, talented, and creative individuals, who have excellent senses of humor and will not take any of this personally. Oh, and Flunky.

Parkerite Status is determined by whether they lived there my freshman year (1st generation), my sophomore year (2nd generation), or not at all (ancillary). PFL is the name of the Fantasy Football league that most of the Parkerites take part in.

Sub-group 1: Clan Stoneheart: the group I’ve kept in contact with the most post-college. Anytime I remark that I heard something about a Parkerite through the grapevine, odds are pretty good this is the grapevine.

NICK: Zinger Stoneheart
OCCUPATION: engineer
ROLE: curmudgeon
HOBBY: saying no to Pooh-bear
FAMILY STATUS: married to Pooh-Bear Parrothead
PARKERITE STATUS: 2nd generation
PFL TEAM: Manatees
CHARACTER SKETCH: often mistaken for “the quiet one.” Inhuman recall of movie and TV quotes. My first Firefly convert.

NICK: Pooh-bear Parrothead
OCCUPATION: accountant
ROLE: the blunt one
HOBBY: ignoring Zinger when he says "no"
FAMILY STATUS: married to Zinger Stonheart.
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Manatees
CHARACTER SKETCH: Unafraid to speak her mind. Lover of all things Jimmy Buffett.

APODO: Coronela
OCUPACIÓN: ingeniera
FUNCIÓN: persona no censurada
MANÍA: discurso en español y decir cosas inadecuadas alrededor de niños
PARKERITE ESTADO: 1ra generación
EQUIPO DE PFL: ninguno, pero ella era un substituto en la subasta pasada
BOSQUEJO DEL CARÁCTER: Energético. Los amores todas cosas hispano. De mala fama para pensar ella es sutil cuando ella no es. Ella me hizo prometo que yo nunca jugaría “Axis and Allies”

Sub-group 2: Roomies: Three of my former off-campus roommates and their families. Contact with this group has been spotty over the years, affected by distance, email/IM availability/usage, and previously discussed awkwardness.

NICK: Dr. G'ovich
OCCUPATION: Web design
ROLE: the instigator
HOBBY: messing with my mind
FAMILY STATUS: Married to Rocket G’ovich. Three kids
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Angry All-stars
CHARACTER SKETCH: Excels at conjuring random ideas for activities and persuading others to join in.

NICK: Rocket G’ovich
OCCUPATION: computer-type-stuff
ROLE: the patient one
HOBBY: putting up with Dr. G'ovich
FAMILY STATUS: Married to Dr. G'ovich. Three kids.
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Rocket Sauce
CHARACTER SKETCH: Has been married to G’ovich for years and has yet to have a nervous breakdown, I think that says it all. Only female to have her own PFL team.

NICK: Flunky
OCCUPATION: nomadic wanderer
ROLE: competitive one
HOBBY: plotting world domination
FAMILY STATUS: Married to Flunky Lover. One Spawn.
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Captain Coal
CHARACTER SKETCH: obsessive game player. Former Army officer. Pathological refusal to respond to emails. Patiently takes all of my crap, resting assured in the knowledge that he could snap my neck like a twig if he wanted.

NICK: Flunky Lover
ROLE: the REALLY blunt one
HOBBY: letting Flunky think he's in control
FAMILY STATUS: Married to Flunky. One Spawn
PARKERITE STATUS: 2nd generation
PFL TEAM: Captain Coal
CHARACTER SKETCH: Not only is not afraid to speak her mind, but often does so with a smile. Do not be fooled: when she says she wishes you great bodily harm and then smiles, it’s not an “I’m kidding” smile, it’s an “I’m picturing just how great it would be to see you in physical pain” smile. Fear the true power behind the Spawn of Flunky!

NICK: Wrath teh Berzerkr
OCCUPATION: programmer
ROLE: contrarian
HOBBY: trying to convince people he's not addicted to WoW
FAMILY STATUS: Married. Two kids.
PARKERITE STATUS: 1st generation
PFL TEAM: Berzerkrz
CHARACTER SKETCH: Likes to play Devil’s Advocate. Complete football addict. In college, was well-known for thriftiness.

Coming soon: the remainder of the PFL and some miscellaneous Parkerites.


Dudbud said...

I suppose I'll return your email now since you made me look like the bad guy (but just one).

Cap'n Neurotic said...

It's an honor and a priviledge to be bestowed with one of the exceedingly rare "Flunky emails", although the tone makes me worry that the nigh-infininte patience which has so far prevented the whole snapping-my-neck-like-a-twig thing might be wearing thin.

Now you know I only make fun of people I like, right? I mean, notice how I never make fun of The Squatch . . .