Tuesday, May 22, 2007

"I've Got a Proposition for You": an Excerpt from The Boys of Benjiman Street

As we join the scene* already in progress, "THE LOVABLE" PIGPEN (who is chauffeuring his carless roomie, CAP'N NEUROTIC , to work) has just landed a verbal jab at the CAP'N's expense.

CAP'N: You now, I was thinking about suggesting that your birthday gift to me be letting me punch you in the face four or five times --

PIGPEN: [turns an incredulous look on the Cap'n]

CAP'N: -- but then I remembered how close your birthday is, and feared the retribution.

PIGPEN: [incredulity transforms into wistful joy] Hey, how about this? For your birthday, we box, and I let you win. For my birthday, we box -- and I don't.

CAP'N: [sarcastically] Sounds really tempting . . .

PIGPEN: [excitedly] Ooo, ooo, wait, I've got it, here's an even better proposition for you. For your birthday, we box, and I let you win. For my birthday: mixed martial arts. [evil grin]

CAP'N: Oh, yeah, that sounds much better.

PIGPEN: C'mon; we'll do best two out of three. [evil grin widens]

CAP'N: Well, I suppose by the time your birthday rolls around I might have a month's worth of karate** to keep you from killing me quite so quickly.

PIGPEN: [shakes his head in a "no, still going to kill you pretty quickly" sort of way]

CAP'N: [quietly weighs the joys of punching PigPen in the here and now against the months in traction that would be sure to follow]

It's exchanges like this that make me sad my folks won't get a chance to meet PigPen and the gang this weekend
**Yes, I'm thinking of taking karate this summer, thanks to the suggestions of the green-belted Squiggly; of course, so is PigPen, so you can probably expect tales of violent injuries on the blog to increase as we use each other as practice dummies


rocket said...

Ok, two things:

1. When you start taking it, I insist that you call it kah-rah-tay, ala Ross from friends.

2. The very first thing they teach you is that karate is never to be used to attack someone, only in defense of yourself, and only then as a last resort if you can't run away.

Technically, if you get Pig Pen to back you into a corner and throw a swing at you (as long as he won't be using karate to start) you guys could claim that you are using it to defend yourselves.

Oh and just so I don't forget, Happy Birthday.