Sunday, October 16, 2005

Cast of Characters: Singling out the Singles

This has been, by far, the most difficult of the Cast Lists to compile, due to lack of nicknames and the fact that I really don’t have a good enough grasp of roles for everyone at this point. Finally decided to just post what I had done so far, to appease those Singles blog monkeys who were starting to feel slighted. So, if you’re a Single reading this and feeling upset that you’re not included, I apologize in advance. As soon as I come up with something, you’ll be the first to know.

GROUP 3: The Singles

This group is formed around my Sunday School class. Single Status is determined by whether they were in the department before me (Old School), after I joined (Same School), or after I took over teaching (New School). A few of the group have moved on to the multi-generational class taught by Freezeout.

Sub-group 1: Staffers: These are the church staff-members and their family, also known as the poor fools who put the spiritual well-being of the class in my hands.

NICK: Papa Lightbulb
OCCUPATION: Seminary student / Singles Dept. Intern.
ROLE: go-to guy
HOBBY: before meeting me: watching Law and Order non-stop. after: watching Firefly/Serenity nonstop
SINGLE STATUS: Same School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Married to Mama Lightbulb. My current 2nd-in-command. Rabid Firefly/Serenity convert. Law and Order addict. Moving soon to start a new church in Austin.

NICK: Mama Lightbulb
ROLE: bargain hunter
HOBBY: pinching pennies
SINGLE STATUS: Same School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Married to Papa Lightbulb. Expecting first child, Li'l Lightbulb, in November. Has a tendency to over-share. Curses my name for introducing Firefly to her hubby.

NICK: Freezeout
OCCUPATION: Head of the Singles Sunday School department.
ROLE: head honcho
HOBBY: turning his office into an arctic zone
SINGLE STATUS: Old School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Missionary kid, grew up in other countries. Sarcastic sense of humor, feels free to single me out for ridicule, which strangely enough makes me feel more welcome.

NICK: Hyperlad
OCCUPATION: Teacher
ROLE: ADHD one
HOBBY: bouncing off the walls
SINGLE STATUS: Old School
CHARACTER SKETCH: My predecessor as teacher. Roped me into being his 2nd in command and then moved to California. High energy, short attention, no hair, lots of fun.

SUB-GROUP 2: The Amigas: For a while, three of the girls from the class had rented a house near the church, which often was the site for social functions. At some point, they were dubbed "The Three Amigas." Although they've now moved out of the conveniently located house, and one of the original trio has married and moved off to be replaced by a new roomie, the Amigas name still sticks.

NICK: Angel
OCCUPATION: Teacher
ROLE: quiet one
HOBBY: exemplifying the phrase "it's always the quiet ones you have to look out for"
SINGLE STATUS: Old School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Amiga Original. Much more mischievous than most people suspect. Recently moved to Freezeout's class.

NICK: Smooth Money's Girl
OCCUPATION: Physical therapy
ROLE: straight-talker
HOBBY: telling it like it is
SINGLE STATUS: Old School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Amiga Original. Refuses to let me use her real nickname, so gets stuck with being referred to only in context of her boyfriend for the time being.

NICK: Princess
OCCUPATION: Teacher
ROLE: the royal one
HOBBY: dreaming of being a princess
SINGLE STATUS: Old School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Amiga Original. Married and moved away. Only member of The Singles to have an honest-to-goodness, used-all-the-time nickname.

NICK: Trouble
OCCUPATION: Teacher
ROLE: mischievous one
HOBBY: living up to her nickname
SINGLE STATUS: Old School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Amiga honoraria (never lived in the house). Enjoys stirring things up. Has a pathological hatred of wearing nametags. Another defector to Freezeout's class.

NICK: Scuba-girl
OCCUPATION: Lab worker
ROLE: social one
HOBBY: trying to organize social activities
SINGLE STATUS: New School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Amiga nueva. Enjoys swimming, scuba-diving, etc.

NICK: Smooth Money
OCCUPATION: land appraisal
ROLE: boyfriend of Smooth Money's Girl (how's that for self-referential?)
HOBBY: Bumper Bowling
SINGLE STATUS: Ancillary/New School
CHARACTER SKETCH: El novio de una Amiga. Bowling catchphrase: "That's money." I've had little contact with him outside of the Bumper Bowling experience, so this is a bit sketchy

Sub-group 3: CAP'NS: The Coalition Against Puttin' Nuts in Stuff. I think that says it all.

NICK: Cap'n Disaster
OCCUPATION: FEMA worker
ROLE: Dramatic one
HOBBY: attracting stalkers
SINGLE STATUS: Old School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Founding member of CAP'NS. Single mom. Singer. Gets way too excited about emergency management and disaster drills. Has a tendency to see all drawbacks as steps towards a life of lying homeless in a ditch.

NICK: Cap'n Cluck
OCCUPATION: Teacher
ROLE: dancin' fool
HOBBY: Polka!
SINGLE STATUS: New School
CHARACTER SKETCH: Founding member of CAP'NS. Taken dance class for 23 years. Recently returned from a year in New Zealand, where she and a friend visited filming locations for LotR and reenacted scenes.

NICK: Cap'n Bumper
OCCUPATION: Construction
ROLE: class clown
HOBBY: making inappropriate (but dang funny) comments
SINGLE STATUS: New School
CHARACTER SKETCH: First CAP'NS recruit. Constantly cracks the whole class up. Engaged to another Single for whom I have no nickname, and who would probably hurt me if I referred to her as "Cap'n Bumper's Girl" so her entry will have to wait.

NICK: Cap'n Neurotic
OCCUPATION: Library worker
ROLE: teacher / pop culture expert
HOBBY: singing the Popular song
SINGLE STATUS: N/A
CHARACTER SKETCH: Founder of CAP'NS. Floated on the outside of the group until joining Angel and Trouble's FAITH team. Was browbeaten into teaching by Hyperlad and Papa Lightbulb. Meshes well with Old Schools and Same Schools, often gets strange looks from New Schools.

5 comments:

Cap'n Cluck said...

I'm a founding member of something! That is so cool!

CAP'N Disaster said...

Did you know that puttin nuts in stuff has been proven to lead to a life of lying homeless in ditches?

DOWN WITH PUTTIN NUTS IN STUFF!!!!

Save yourself and avoid all things nutty! Save poor innocent children this halloween, don't buy that nut filled candy for the kiddos, give them pure chocolate instead, else you aid them in the road to the nutty ditch lying life. SAVE THE CHILDREN!

Flunky lover said...

I need to found the Put More Nuts in Stuff group. I love nuts. When I bake banana bread, I make Flunky's half without nuts and mine with a ton of nuts. It's basically a bunch of nuts with a little bit of dough. Yummy.

Cap'n Neurotic said...

Ah, you're one of THOSE: one of the anti-CAPN'S. I can't hold it against you, though, my folks are both founding members of PWNAGE: People Wanting Nuts Added to Great Extremes.

So, is St. Flunky a potential CAPN'S recruit, then? He can change the PFL team to Cap'n Coal. Who knows, maybe with all of that political pull we CAPN'S have, you guys could actually get someone to accept one of your trade proposals ;)

Zinger said...

I'm with you, Flunky Lover. Put me down for membership in PWNAGE.

DOWN WITH THE CAPN'S INFIDELS!