Thursday, June 07, 2007

And He Seems Like Such a Nice Guy, Too: Random, but Nice . . .

As I mentioned the other day, B.B. spent a good portion of Sunday evening trying to convince me that his neighbor and co-worker, Captain Random, rather than being one of the nicest guys I know, is actually pure evil. Throughout the evening, B.B. delighted in taking everything The Random One said or did and twisting it into a supposed attack. After the fifth or sixth time I had to sit by and watch B.B. tear into the perpetually good natured Random Lad for some imaginary slight, I decided enough was enough -- I mean, why should B.B. get to have all the fun?

"Dang, Randomino, I'm shocked and appalled, picking on poor B.B. like that; this is a whole new side to you. And here you seem like such a good guy at church." Letting out a sound of dismay at the realization that he was now outnumbered, Randomosity Rex just shook his head in response.

"Oh, you don't know the half of it," B.B. said. "Random Killowattt always has to have some 'mirror time' before he heads to church."

"You mean to get in character?"

"Exactly!." B.B. then began his impression of the Radomaniac's 'mirror time.' He first fixed his face into a scowl, and then drew his hand down past his face, letting it relax into a neutral position, before raising the hand back up past the face, which was now sporting a goofy smile and shiny, vacant eyes. He then began to raise and lower his right arm in a jerky, marionette-like wave while chirping out in a high-pitched, child-like voice "Hi, Todd! Hi, Todd! Hi, Todd!" He then switched arms, and repeated the faux cheerful greetings. "Hi, Maverick! Hi, Maverick! Hi, Maverick!" Then, back to the right arm. "Hi, PigPen! Hi --"

B.B. suddenly stopped, let his face return to the scowl, turned his head to the side, and changed from a vacuous chirp to a violent growl. "Shut the {bleep} up, B.B.! I have to do this! I have to get in {bleep} character before I go to {bleep} church so I can scam those {bleeps}! Don't {bleep} mess with me, I'll kick your {bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep}" He then faced forward again and slipped back into mindless cheerful greetings. "Hi, PigPen! Hi, Pigpen!" Then, both arms thrown up as if to give a hug, while crying out "Squiggly! Squiggly!"

It was the "Squiggly!" that made my already out of control laughter threaten to cause me permanent injury. Meanwhile, the subject of B.B.'s performance was also laughing – possibly to cover up the tears -- while saying repeatedly "Every day I have to deal with this, man, this is my life, every day!"

Of course, this just gave B.B. an opportunity to talk about the ways Senor Aleatorio* abuses him on their way to and from work when they carpool.

Maybe I was wrong before; maybe I won't be the one to make poor Li'l Random snap . . .

*Yes, that's Spanish for "Mr. Random" -- according to an online Spanish dictionary, anyway.