Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Homeless Lying Drunk in a Ditch . . .

One of the difficulties of broadcasting my plans and ideas before they come to fruition is the danger of people raising their expectations too high, only to have them dashed on the jagged rocks of disappointment when the execution does not match their envisioned end product; it's one of the reasons I've been so cagey about my Primary Obsession. For example, when I first started my "only speaking in nicknames" practice, a certain member of the Singles made several remarks about how she could wait to see her nickname; of course, when it finally appeared, she was less than thrilled. "It's okay," she said, "I guess." So, when I started the poll for future spotlight posts, it was with great trepidation that I noticed this same Single pulling ahead in the ranks; with each vote, I could sense the potential for shattered hopes growing exponentially larger.

"Maybe it won't be so bad," I told myself, foolishly, "maybe she'll keep her expectations at a reasonable level after the nickname debacle."

Cut to a recent one of the many, many, many inquiries about the status of her spotlight post, which went a little something like this: "Have you about finished with my post yet? I know, I know, you have to wait for your muse. Besides, it can't be easy writing about the person who's the center of the universe."

Oh, yeah, no heightened expectations there at all . . .

Cap'n Disaster is one of the "Old School" Singles, having already been a member of the class before I started attending First Baptist. Although we were in the same class and started FAITH at the same time, I really didn't have a whole lot of interaction with her for the first several months I was there, not until Celebrity Game show Night. The premise of the party was that we had to dress up either as a celebrity or a tv/movie character. I went as Garth from Wayne's World; Cap'n D. went as Mary Catherine Gallagher or Superstar; yes, we were both minor SNL characters who had been made into stars of feature films. And the rest, as they say, is history . . .

A lot of the things I've thought of talking about have already been covered at some point in the blog: her love of The Jerk; her menagerie of stalkers; her son, who is alternately known as the Spazmanian Devil and Li'l Disaster; her tendency to use the slightest mishap as a springboard for her to tell stories which end with her homeless, lying drunk in a ditch; her foolish notion that the world revolves around her, when all good blog monkeys know it really revolves around me . . . Man, what else can I say about Cap'n D. that hasn't already been said? Very little (that's printable, anyway), so let's just cut to the chase:

D is for the Ditch her stories end with
I is the Inebriated cause
S is for her Single mother status
A is All the stalkers that she draws
S is for her Singing in the choir
T is Trashing stinky film The Fog
E is Everything revolves around her
R is Rabid pushing of my blog
When you spell it out you get DISASTER
A better name for her there never was

And now it's time to sit back, relax, and wait for her resounding cries of "It was okay, I guess . . ."


CAP'N Disaster said...

Oh Cap'n Neurotic - It was Okay, I guess. No really, it was great. I laughed throughout the reading of it. I really need to find a picture of the two of us from that Celebrity Game Show night...that was so funny. I wonder if Cap'n Click...I mean Cap'n Cluck, has one. I truely enjoyed the anagram. Although I suppose that I had been hoping for something more like: D is for how delighful she is; I is for how interesting her stories are; S is for her great Smile; A is for how awesome she is; S is for her silly disposition; T is for her terrific sense of style; E is for her humble ego; and R is for her remarkable ability turn everything into a tragic tale of despair, angst and woe. But yours was good too.

Thanks Cap'n Neurotic!

Cap'n Click said...

"Her shutter speeds are faster than a speeding bullet. Her framing is spot on. It's Cap'n Click to the rescue!"

Well, I searched through my archives of pictures and found the Celebrity Game Night ones. Unfortunately I didn't find on of my fellow Cap'ns by themselves. I did, however, find one of 9 of us as the Hollywood Squares stars. Me as Shirley Temple, Cap'n Neurotic as Garth, and Cap'n Disaster as Mary Cathrine. Hopefully Cap'n Neurotic can spare some time from his Primary Obsession and post it on here once I get it to him on Sunday.

Have a Clickity Click Click Day!

Too said...

Well, aside from impending world destruction, Cap'n Disaster is not going to be happy with anything. She needs drama. She thrives on it. She is lonely, cold, and bereft without it. So it isn't you fault, Cap'n Neurotic, that she is so often disappointed! The truth of the matter is, even after facing a potential world destruction, she would still be disappointed by the fact that it was less dramatic than a movie portrayal. AND THEN...when the movie portrayal of the event took place, she would be disappointed by the the actress portraying her...as if being portrayed as someone whom helped save the world wasn't good enough.
Still, we love her anyway!!

CAP'N Disaster said...

Okay, I've spent the last day thinking about what actress would be talented enough to portray me in the movie portrayal of how I saved the world from impending doom, and I've come to the conclusion that I have no idea what actress is talented enough, beautiful enough, funny enough, and random enough to pull it off. Oh great and wise Cap'n Neurotic and other fellow CoIM bloggerites -Who do you think should portray me in the movie? (this should be interesting)

Too said...

Catherine Zeta-Jones

Magic Pants said...

Wouldn't the center of the universe write, direct, produce, and star in her own movie? (Kind of like the little green guy in Monsters Inc)

CAP'N Disaster said...

I like that way of thinking oh nickless one...I had actually thought the same thing...I think I was kinda leaning towards that when I pondered over who on earth would be talented enough to portray me....well no but me of course. But even so, I like your thinking and I think that I would like to have you on my board of committee members. I will have to think of a good name for the committe...perhaps I shall employee the great Cap'n Neurotic in this endeaver, as he is much more cleaver than I at coming up with good acronyms for various organizations (ie CAP'Ns and SLUG).

Cap'n Neurotic said...

Actually, my way of thinking was that, as center of the universe, there would just be a massive battle royale between all screenwriters, directors, actresses, etc., who would sell their firstborn child in order to have the blessing and honor documenting her life.

Too said...

You have all missed a crucial element here. CAP'N Disaster is B-ROKE, and therefore unable to produce her own heroic story. It may be unfortunate, but it is sadly true.