Sunday, November 20, 2005

Six Things You Need To Know About Rose Hips the Enforcer

Taking a quick break from my New Obsession to do the promised spotlight on the winner of the Book Monkey poll, Rose Hips the Enforcer. I apologize in advance if it is lacking in scandal or psychologically scarring material; not everyone can be a Flunky or G'ovich, y'know. Now, on to the spotlight!

The first thing you need to know about Rose Hips is this: she and I are 100% compatible. At least, that's what an Internet personality test several of us took back in 2001 said, and you know Internet personality tests don't lie, right?

The second thing you need to know about Rose Hips is this: she's a born storyteller. Now, I can ramble on endlessly in print with no problem, but if asked to relate a story or joke out loud, nine times out of ten I'll freeze up and fumble my way through it. Not Rose Hips; I don't know how many times one of the other Book Monkeys would mention some incident, only to beg off of telling me more because "Rose Hips tells it so much better." A favorite recent story involved a trip home to West Virginia, a projected field full of pugs, and an assurance that one particular pug's eyes did not, as a general rule, pop out of its head; trust me, it's a lot better when you hear Rose Hips tell it in person.

The third thing you need to know about Rose Hips is this: she's a Book Monkey thief! To be more specific, she's a "Cap'n Neurotic's Book Monkey assistant" thief! To be yet even more specific, she's a "The only two Book Monkey assistants that Cap'n Neurotic really liked" thief; that would be Rebel Monkey and The Mag, for those of you playing along at home. Rose Hips stole both of them away from my office through that most fiendish of devices: better paying jobs in her office! The nerve! The Mag did make a brief escape back to the library for a while, but was once again lured away by a better paying job in Rose Hips new office.

The fourth thing you need to know about Rose Hips is this: she's a roller coaster junkie! When we make our sojourns to Six Flags, her addiction is so strong that she even insists on riding the Texas Giant, or, as I like to call it "Bruising, whiplash, and internal injuries just waiting to happen." Rose Hips' favorite roller coaster sensations are going backwards and going upside down: if she gets to go upside down backwards, she can die a happy woman.

The fifth thing you need to know about Rose Hips is this: even though she ranks much higher in the computer technical skills than most people I know, she ranks much lower on the obvious geek scale as well, despite having a fondness for Farscape and Joss Whedon shows; of course, I guess when her usual companions are Rebel Monkey, The Mag, and myself, she pretty much can't help but look less geeky. (Yeah, I'm going to hear about that comment from Rebel Monkey, you betcha)

The sixth thing you need to know about Rose Hips is this: she is deaf in one ear. Once, when the Core Four went to see a musical, I was placed on her deaf side just in case I was unable to keep from bursting into song. I wish I could fault them for their lack of faith in my self-control, but seriously, who can blame them?

There you go, six things you need to know about Rose Hips the Enforcer. And now, back to my New Obsession.